depression

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

I've thought about leaving, but I can't. I have no friends, no money, no job and if I left I'd loose my family

Which is worse, staying with him and nothing changing? - I have been in this situation for 25 years! I had other issues to deal with and thought it was them.

Or starting with small steps - it is extremely difficult I know. When they start being nice, you melt and think it will be OK again, until they upset you again

Dora_the_Explorer_5

feelinggood wrote:

Thanks for that
I'm confident that as things stand, I'm not going to do anything. I'd rather not think about it at all, but the thoughts are there. Just gotta ignore them
Hope you are ok, if you want to talk about rotten OH's, PM me

You've really put your finger on it. Thoughts are thoughts, they're not instructions which have to be followed.

Sazbo

CCStar wrote:

Men love to fix things, then get pssed off when they can't or it won't be. They need to have more patience

CCStar - never a truer word spoken. It really dismays (and angers) me that some men are so incapable of being supportive to their partners. When we first met, mine was all very interested and concerned about the difficulties I have, because like feelinggod's OH, he had mental illness in his close family. But of course, once our relationship became established, he soon stopped being supportive. I think he takes the view that my problems just "add to his stress". So, again like feelinggood, I wonder whether I'm supposed to just lie about how I'm feeling? Damned if you do and damned if you don't, an impossible situation.

feelinggood_2

The drinking is helping, still feel pretty down
Bit scared too tbh

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

Sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious today.

Don't worry about your written thoughts looking crazy, mine look nuts when I read them back in a different mood. It is how you feel at that time. Write whatever you like, it is meant to help with the mood you have right NOW!

Try not to worry about meeting this girl. She sounds to be very messed up, so will be thinking of her own issues more than yours. I know you really like her but putting all your emotional eggs into one basket is a recipe for it to go wrong. It is very hard to do I know.

What are you feeling scared of? What would stop your sad feeling?

Well, if anyone saw them, they'd think I had lost it. Lots of questions and statements.

Well, she is messed up, but her medication keeps it under control for the main, so she comes across as quite 'normal', whatever that is, but you can sometimes tell she's struggling.

I'm just hoping she likes me. I'm not thinking romance, I don't do romance until a while after I know someone, so i'm not considering that as an issue, I just want mutual friendship.

I'm scared of her saying she now doesn't want to meet me 1-1, and if she does, it won't work out and she'll never want to see me again. I'm used to rejection, why should this time be any different? I've just put my feelings away for so long, now someone has given me a little hope, they've all surfaced. I know it's silly, she probably won't even like me, and when she doesn't, i'll just wanna sleep forever.

feelinggood_2

Miroslav wrote:

Well, if anyone saw them, they'd think I had lost it. Lots of questions and statements.

Well, she is messed up, but her medication keeps it under control for the main, so she comes across as quite 'normal', whatever that is, but you can sometimes tell she's struggling.

I'm just hoping she likes me. I'm not thinking romance, I don't do romance until a while after I know someone, so i'm not considering that as an issue, I just want mutual friendship.

I'm scared of her saying she now doesn't want to meet me 1-1, and if she does, it won't work out and she'll never want to see me again. I'm used to rejection, why should this time be any different? I've just put my feelings away for so long, now someone has given me a little hope, they've all surfaced. I know it's silly, she probably won't even like me, and when she doesn't, i'll just wanna sleep forever.

Nothing I can really say to help, but I do hope things work out. Just take things slow and try not to worry about it - easier said than done I know.
xxx

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Hi Miroslav,
Hope you got some sleep hun. I've read all your posts carefully and a few thoughts came to mind. Now try and focus - and remember, I'm a good Tiff.

1. Let's start with the obvious - you're in a very bad place right now. As I read your posts, a picture came into my mind. Angel, you're like a dog chasing it's own tail, getting more and more agitated. You know you're suffering but have no faith in the local mental health services. But hun, you need them. Staff get rotated and change - it may not be the same experience this time. You can request to be seen somewhere else. Not all of them are bad and when we are feeling really low, we're not very objective.

2. You've had some awful experiences and I can relate to most. You have my deepest sympathy for those you lost. You're still grieving angel and there's no time limit - allow yourself that time.

3. I can understand you wanting to be with this woman but you're bouncing between wanting to look after and love her and desperately needing her for yourself to feel better.

4. Miroslav hun, whatever the answer is on Sunday, there'll be a Monday. Don't put all your life placed around one day. If you want it too badly angel, it can't live up to your expectations.

5. You know you need help. I'm proud of you for letting your flatmate help you by contacting MIND. You really do need to see someone from the Mental Health Services hun - at least book an urgent appt to see your GP today. Before you can help this woman with all she needs, you have to help yourself FIRST.

6. Please don't pin all your hopes on this one person. You can see she needs help and you're nice enough to desperately give it to her. But you have to think about this angel, in my opinion, it's unfair to put her so high on a pedestal that she can't live up to it, especially if she's in hard times like yourself. In the states you're both in, do you think you would be good for each other? Would it not be better for you to stay friends and once you've had some more help, approach her then, because you'll be feeling better Miroslav and the chances of it working out will increase. I think you're too vulnerable right now hun to get into any relationship. The sooner you get the help, the sooner you can work towards something very positive with her.

7.Don't do anything stupid hun. How do you think she'd feel about that? It would be so much better if you could find some help instead.

8. I can understand your desperation for someone to love you, or even like you. You don't say anything positive about yourself, you're not looking after yourself, you're suffering and erratic. In nearly every post, you're screaming out for someone to help you.

9. This woman can't take all your pain away angel. It's not fair to put anyone in the position that their answer will determine whether you live or die. You can't be who you want to be until you've gotten help. That's what you need to do first - you deserve it - don't be frightened angel.

10. You need to stop. Stand still a little while, stop thinking (it's making you worse), have a wash, something to eat - your stomach is upset because you're not eating properly, so eat something little and often. Have a hot sweet drink, open a window and breathe in the fresh air. Do what you can out of that list hun then sit down and make that phone call. Forget about everyone else, you have to do this for yourself and now. You need to stop thinking and give yourself a little time. It's time to look after Miroslav. It mustn't all be about this young woman, angel - that's not the real issue - you want help so much and now it's time for you and your pain to get that help. It's never too late - 30?! I've got ten years on you so does that mean I've got no hope?

Well hun, i don't know what you'll end up doing. We're not professonals and you need professional advice. I've posted to you my honest feelings - I don't think it would be fair just to tell you what I think you want to hear. I've done the best I can and I hope you'll follow the advice angel - but it's up to you Miroslav. It doesn't have to end in another tragedy.
Best wishes, Tiff x

Blimey you post alot!

I went to bed at 1am and got up at 3pm (I only slept half that time, the rest was restless and thinking!) and only then because my flatmate was coming home and we agreed to go out for coffee, that turned into going into a few shops :rolleyes: She's now forcing me to eat something

In response to your comments...

1. It's not just me who thinks they are bad, alot do. I have an appointment this Friday, but unsure if I should go.

2. But it's been 15 years in January since g/f died. I've had 1 relationship since, and that's because she wanted one, not a friendship where I could look after her. I never loved her.......I cared alot, but I wasn't in love. No-one else has shown interest in me anyway.

3. Well, I want to look after her, and of course her to care for me. I'm not looking for romance, she's way out of my league, but who isn't. I just don't want to see her getting hurt anymore It's like my flatmate, who is a year older than me, I look out for her and she's like my little sister, albeit a year older than me I've been doing it for 12 years. I guess that's the father in me. I looked out for my ex, I just want someone to look after me too, as only my deceased partner ever really has.

4. I'm not expecting her to want to see me. It's just for once, this is something I can hope for. I rarely have hope, i've got to hope Sunday goes well, or i'm just gonna think it will never change.

5. How can a GP help? They never take me seriously? I know I need help, but I thrive on helping others. I've done it with my flatmate for years, I did it with my ex, I just need to help people, even if my words are poor, I do it with gestures and physically helping people (I don't mean sex)

6. We aren't friends, and that's what I want to be. She's my flatmate's friend, who has said she wants to meet me because she's been in a situation i've been in. For me, a mutual friendship would mean the world to me. Someone different to my flatmate would be great. I don't make friends with people, but I get on better with females, probably because of the varying abuse I had from males when younger. My flatmate said that her friend thought I was 'good looking'. I know she either didn't mean it, or was being polite, but no-one has said that to me since I was 15! Well no-one under 50 , but it made me shiver. IF, she jumped on me and offered me full sex all night, I would turn her down, because I don't want that, I'm not ready for a sexual or romantic relationship, I need friendship first, but no-one ever wants my friendship, so to me, this is a huge thing, that someone might want to get to know me. She probably won't, but I have to have that hope.

7. Well, if she doesn't want to meet me, or decides she doesn;t want to get to know me, she wouldn't care what happened to me.

8. I'm a nice caring person. I have alot of support/love/caring to give. That's something positive. I don't like myself physically, even though i'm a big guy with big arms etc. If I sorted my teeth, weight and got rid of my ugly face, i'd be really confident. I can sort out 2 of those, albeit over time, but I may not have time. When someone says something nice, like once a girl said "You smell nice" I go all funny because I have heard someone say that and it's a nice feeling.

9. I don't expect her to take my pain away. But by friendship, I can have another focus and try and help her too. I want to be a superhero. I want to take everyone's pain away, but I can't, however if she likes me and I can help her feel better etc, that's one person I will have had a positive effect on. I just care, maybe that's a fault, I don't know. She's a nice girl that I want the pain to stop for.

10. I've been out for a drink today (tea) and about to be force fed I've done a couple of things, which may be everyday things for most, but to me are alot, and I won't post what, until I have succeeded. I want to do a couple more things. Because I used to work out alot, I have a good physique, but just my weight is an issue. I thought about the gym, but it depends on cost. I would have to give something else up, but i've thought of what, and right now, that thing is not important. It's just getting back there again and hoping they understand i'm nervous. I mean, I'm bigger than anyone that goes there in height and near enough bigger than any muscle wise, as it's a proper gym for people who want to build, as opposed to being a fitness gym, although they do that too. I want to get out and meet people, but no idea how As for the 30/40 thing, I know i'm not past it, but after so long with no-one even noticing me, I feel past it. I know as I get older, looks matter less, so some spinster will want me for my erm......ears ???? ????

Thanks for your long post and advice, I do appreciate it. I hugged my flatmate last night and told her I appreciated her. I haven;t hugged anyone since June 2001 and my flatmate for about 10 years, and I certainly don't have a good way with words I'm not expecting anyone to hug me back mind

I know you think I should concentrate on myself, and I am, I just get alot out of helping others too, it helps me to make someone smile, or have 1 less panic, it really does.

Miroslav :wave:

Miroslav

jellycat40 wrote:

Thanks Tiff you talk a lot of sense.

feelinggood you sound like me!! except my OH is too protective of me. Reads on the net about depression and always trying to fix me. He asks me how I am 40 times a day.

Louise

Unfortunately I do that when people are down, ask them how they are. I don't go on net though It's just me caring. I don't know your OH, so don't know if he's caring or if he's trying to fix a problem that can't be fixed the way he thinks.

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

CCStar - never a truer word spoken. It really dismays (and angers) me that some men are so incapable of being supportive to their partners. When we first met, mine was all very interested and concerned about the difficulties I have, because like feelinggod's OH, he had mental illness in his close family. But of course, once our relationship became established, he soon stopped being supportive. I think he takes the view that my problems just "add to his stress". So, again like feelinggood, I wonder whether I'm supposed to just lie about how I'm feeling? Damned if you do and damned if you don't, an impossible situation.

Can you be too supportive? I've always treated partners as 'princesses' I'm not good with words, but I try and do small subtle things.

But partners should always be supportive, they are meant to be your best friend

regularsaver1

I know how some of you feel. I feel so stressed and down that I'm not sure what to do.
People tell me i shouldn't worry and care about things so much, but I can't seem to change that.