depression

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

Awww Miro love, brings tears to my eyes. I don't doubt it is the beginning of many good times, nothing less than you deserve. You see? You're a wonderful person with so much to give. I'm not at all surprised you had a good evening with 'S'. Sxxxx

So much going on in my head, feel tearful because when she freaked out, I was really worried, plus I'm missing her.

I don't know what my feelings are for her, I really don't, but I just wanna hold her and make her feel better. I know I can't take the pain away overnight, but I just wanna hold her

It was good in the main, I'm just really upset after hearing of what this guy did to her...........i'm not a violent person, but i'm 6'9, very big built and if she had of pointed him out to me, i'd have had words........I wouldn't have smacked him, because it wouldn't help her, but that b@rsteward (amongst others!) makes her scared, and I was nearly as upset as she was.

Why do some people hurt others for kicks? She's really sweet and she fends me off sometimes as she's scared.........I know that, no matter how much it hurts.

Lovely girl, who needs alot of patience. Can't believe I get tearful over her pain, I really adore her

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

The degradation you feel is horrific isn't it? I think cos there was two of them, it made me feel even worse - not only had someone 'done' that to me - but they talked and laughed during it, and probably talking about it afterwards too - felt like a cheap piece of meat.
I don't remember the date - I went home and got very very drunk. I spent everyday drinking for a good 4-5 months after that - sad, sad, sad thing. I got told off for getting home late too - I wanted to tell my mum, but I couldn't - how could I say that? "sorry I'm late mum but I was raped by two guys on my way home". You just can't find the words. I wish I'd never told her - she was so upset - upset not only becuase she let that happen to her little girl, but also upset that I didn't tell her.
We'll get through this Rose - we will.
Have you looked up about post traumatic stress disorder? I know we can't discuss stuff like that, but its interesting to read
xxx

yeah def is hun
i had four of them, woz awful. i cried. i got drunk too, ended up in hospital too a few times due to drinking wayyy too much.
i know its soo hard to tel people, half of them think your lying and the other halfdunno what to do.
but you did tell her and well done you :T :T , it takes alot to do that.
yeah i have read some stuff on PTSD but it all a bit confusing too, as im trying to convince myself that im fine and nothing is wrong, hard to accept it all.
would ya beliebve me if i said yeah im fine?, its soo easy to say yeah im fine more than no i feel waful and like i wanna die.
and i am glad i have found people like you and tiff who have been through similair thing, i have never had anyone that i have been able to talk about it as they been there too

sweet dream FG
xxxx

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

Right, mixed night as I said, although mainly positive!

She came at 4.30, said hello etc etc. Was a bit awkward, but we got on okay. Britney was on in the background, which she mentioned a bit....

Walked to the fair.........was a bit sad.......

Got to the fair, it all changed.......

I didn't go on any rides, but 'S' took about 7 or 8 quid.........£5 to get in to fireworks..........£2.50 a ride...........you do the maths.

So, I paid for all 3 of us to get in, and paid for loads of rides for both of them, both paid for a couple themselves, but I paid for stalls etc etc...........I mean £8 to last 4 hours...........lucky I took £70!!!!! But money very well spent.

She won 2 cuddly toys with my money! And I won another! And gave it to her

Bought us all some food.........Burgers, warm tea and soup........

Awwwww, she looked kinda sad at times, because she had so little money, so to see her face when I paid, it made me soooooooooooooooooooo happy........spent about £30 on her, wirth every last penny

Once we settled she was laughing and joking with me............she's like a big kid at times........awwwwww

One bad bit though............she saw the guy who tried to rape her Apparently he used to get his mates around and they all used to humiliate her She totally lost it and started freaking out...........luckily I put my arm around her and she calmed down after a few tears.

She kept apologising but we were okay with it, kept making sure she was okay.

Saw yet another side to her tonight, she's really sweet.

We hopefully are off to the cinema on Friday............wonder what 'S' will turn up then

Probably missed a load out, that I can tell you later

Got a bit funny towards the end..............18 years since my Grandad died today.........the last time I went to the fair and bonfire was 4th November 1988.......he died that night, so it felt very strange...........didn't tell her though, but flatmate told me to tell her, but I refused.

Text her in the end though, saying had great time, that I really care about her and explained about grandad.

Didn't think she'd reply, but she did

Along the lines of

"I care about you, I want to get to know you more, sorry about the anniversary, hope you are ok, c u friday, I will phone u b4.....big hug from me! 'S' x"

Which made me tearful

d'oh!

Oh and earlier she tried to hug me when I felt bad, and I turned away, so I felt bad about rejecting her, so before we got her in a taxi (My money again!) I gave her a big hug and she had a big smile on her face.


I hope tonight is the beginning of many good times

She did say she may be leaving the town, or it's an option because of bad memories............so I text her that she may have bad memories, but she can't leave as me and flatmate care about her, and we'll make more good memories, and by leaving, she's letting the other people win.

I really really care about her, I just hope she meant it when she said she cared about me

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

aww miro, im glad to hear it went well so pleased for you
and hugs def go along way
keep it up.
and soz to hear about your anniversary, i have one of me own tomorrow, so ((((BIG HUgs)))))) :grouphug:

and sweet dreams
xxx

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote:

So much going on in my head, feel tearful because when she freaked out, I was really worried, plus I'm missing her.

I don't know what my feelings are for her, I really don't, but I just wanna hold her and make her feel better. I know I can't take the pain away overnight, but I just wanna hold her

It was good in the main, I'm just really upset after hearing of what this guy did to her...........i'm not a violent person, but i'm 6'9, very big built and if she had of pointed him out to me, i'd have had words........I wouldn't have smacked him, because it wouldn't help her, but that b@rsteward (amongst others!) makes her scared, and I was nearly as upset as she was.

Why do some people hurt others for kicks? She's really sweet and she fends me off sometimes as she's scared.........I know that, no matter how much it hurts.

Lovely girl, who needs alot of patience. Can't believe I get tearful over her pain, I really adore her

See, Miro love, all good things come to those who wait I'm really happy for you xxx

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

aww miro, im glad to hear it went well so pleased for you
and hugs def go along way
keep it up.
and soz to hear about your anniversary, i have one of me own tomorrow, so ((((BIG HUgs)))))) :grouphug:

and sweet dreams
xxx

I'm happy tonight too, although a little down.

Thoughts are with you for tomorrow XxXx

rose07

im going to have to crash now
all pain too sore physical and emotional
and need to crash before i fall over

thank you all soo much for your support tonight
it really does go along way

(((((HuGs))))) to you all :grouphug:

and sweet dreams
xxxx

and yes tiff, me and saz wondering where you are??
hope wherever and however you are, you manage to sleep, your pain eases, and that you know we are all thinking of you always, take care me huni xxx

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

See, Miro love, all good things come to those who wait I'm really happy for you xxx

Well, it'll be a different 'S' Friday, guaranteed

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

I'm happy tonight too, although a little down.

Thoughts are with you for tomorrow XxXx

glad you a little happy,

thanks its a bit of a biggy tomorrow, and i dont even want tomorrow to come

sleep well xxx

Sazbo

Well my sweethearts, I've gotta crash - it's way past my bedtime. Sweet dreams everyone. All my love, Sazza xxx zzzzzzzzzz

rose07

Sazbo wrote:

Well my sweethearts, I've gotta crash - it's way past my bedtime. Sweet dreams everyone. All my love, Sazza xxx zzzzzzzzzz

sweet dreams hun xxx