depression

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

Hey guys, sorry things are hard at the moment.
Miro, hope you are okay.

Rose, sweetie, I'm really sorry that you are in so much pain - I know what its like, and it might help to talk about it. Remember, alot of us have felt at the bottom, and it is a horrid, horrid place to be. Things do get better tho, sometimes not as quickly as we like, but you've got to fight and fight as much as you can. I've been very low recently, and have thought about the sort of things that you should never think about, and I've got through it by talking. I'm sending you love and hugs, I really care about you sweetie, keep talking to us. Loads of positive vibes coming your way. xxxx

aww thanks FG xxxxxxx
think im just feeling lonely tonight.
everyone out, and the baby in bed.
and im bored, and im thinking.
its just strange, i know a few people who would be telling me to keep going and chin up type thing. and im soo glad. as it keeps ya going. x

i dunno what to say, there is alot on top of me at the mo, i got two sides to me at the mo, the side that is always fine, and the side which is soo low its practically on the floor, and i dunno which side is winning.

hope you ok hun xxxx

Sazbo

Wise words as always Feeling, how you doing? Sxxx

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote:

Mixed night..........i'll post about it in a few mins....

More positive than negative, but am upset, for reasons I shall explain shortly....

How you doing Miro hun? x

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

Another thing, Rose - you DO NOT deserve this pain, no one does. It is a terrible, horrible thing BUT YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
Not in any way, shape or from - this is not your fault.
xxx

thanks hun
i just dunno where im at, dunno if i should be snapping out of it (yeah i know i shouldnt say that), heart beating very fast, or whether i should get help, if its all real think im finding it hard to know what to accept and whats going on.

i have been through alot, and now maybe its all catching up on me, (worst timing) xxxx

feelinggood_2

How am I doing? Mmm, I don't know really. On one hand, part of me is really really happy, the other isn't. A bit like you Rose?
I've made a new friend, which is nice. They make me happy - I like who I am with them, and I just want to be with them. But knowing me I'll get too attatched and it'll go wrong - or I'll get scared and run away. Taking it one step at a time - its only a friendship after all. Even tho I want more.

Wise words? Me? Not likely. I really need to sort my selfesteem out, I hate me so much at the moment.

Sorry you are lonely Rose, but we are always here. even if I'm not online, I think about you guys often, thinking about what you are doing, how you are feeling etc.

I hate to say Chin up - it can be quite a nasty thing to say if you don't understand what it is like to be at rock bottom. Sadly, its the only think you can do.
I was chatting to a friend, about how I was fed up fighting, and was ready to give up. He asked how I'd give up, and I couldn't answer that. You've got no choice - you've got to fight. But Rose, we are fighting here with you xxx

feelinggood_2

rose07 wrote:

thanks hun
i just dunno where im at, dunno if i should be snapping out of it (yeah i know i shouldnt say that), heart beating very fast, or whether i should get help, if its all real think im finding it hard to know what to accept and whats going on.

i have been through alot, and now maybe its all catching up on me, (worst timing) xxxx

If you think you need help, call for help. Samaritains are very good, I was so scared the first time I phoned, but they really helped me in a low moment.
You cannot snap out of it, the feelings are too powerful, but you can keep trying to get better, little bites of an elephant or something.
The heart beating feels very scary, are youhaving a panic attack?
xxx

feelinggood_2

Have you ever talked about everything you've been through?
The other day, I actually talked a bit about the rape, managed to say outloud things I'd never ever said to myself. It hurt, but I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. And now, I can start believeing that it wasn't my fault.
5 years I kept everything bottled up, and it very nearly killed me.

regularsaver1

Sazbo wrote:

You don't "seem strong enough" - yeah that's a really good reason NOT :mad: Sounds like they're a bunch of t0ssers...:rolleyes:

Well I do work for a bank ????!!!!!

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

How am I doing? Mmm, I don't know really. On one hand, part of me is really really happy, the other isn't. A bit like you Rose?
I've made a new friend, which is nice. They make me happy - I like who I am with them, and I just want to be with them. But knowing me I'll get too attatched and it'll go wrong - or I'll get scared and run away. Taking it one step at a time - its only a friendship after all. Even tho I want more.

Wise words? Me? Not likely. I really need to sort my selfesteem out, I hate me so much at the moment.

Sorry you are lonely Rose, but we are always here. even if I'm not online, I think about you guys often, thinking about what you are doing, how you are feeling etc.

I hate to say Chin up - it can be quite a nasty thing to say if you don't understand what it is like to be at rock bottom. Sadly, its the only think you can do.
I was chatting to a friend, about how I was fed up fighting, and was ready to give up. He asked how I'd give up, and I couldn't answer that. You've got no choice - you've got to fight. But Rose, we are fighting here with you xxx

so you know what i mean then? its a funny feeling as sometimes i can be a blank canvas numb and empty and everything is just fine. then next minute i feel like i am a broken canvas, paint splattered everywhere, holes through me, and inside out to the point of no return.

im glad you have found a friend and they can keep you going, it is nice to have people around us, real or online, friends all mean the same. tho all my friends are away at the moment. my friend that went to london is coming back in a week tho, so that will keep me going as me and her are like this (rose crosses fingers).

i think about you too FG, i think about all of you when im at work and everything. you are always in me thoughts xxx

thanks hun, its good to know you are all here xxx:grouphug:

rose07

feelinggood wrote:

If you think you need help, call for help. Samaritains are very good, I was so scared the first time I phoned, but they really helped me in a low moment.
You cannot snap out of it, the feelings are too powerful, but you can keep trying to get better, little bites of an elephant or something.
The heart beating feels very scary, are youhaving a panic attack?
xxx

i aint very good at asking for help or saying im not ok, only doing it here as i am attatched to me lappy like glue x
it terrifies me to ring someone up.
yeah i know i cant snap out of it, but when people say it to you makes you think you should.
dunno if im having a panic attack, just sore heart and ribs and things
just alot of pain
xxxx