depression

Tiff_2

feelinggood wrote:

Welcome lost
Sorry you are feeling depressed, I'll be back tomorrow to see if I can help.
Would offer too now, but not a good idea!
Take care x

Hi fg - are you ok angel? Just checking hun
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi Miroslav, I'm sure you're feeling pretty rough this a.m. but I hope you find some pleasure in the day.
How about getting yourself a helping hand today angel - see GP? I don't know what help/meds/input you get but you don't have to suffer like this.
Tiff xxx

feelinggood_2

Tiff wrote:

Hi fg - are you ok angel? Just checking hun
Tiff xxx

Ummm, no not really :rotfl:

avocadomummy

Hello everyone
I joined at the weekend - feeling so desperate - there's not one thing in my life I either like doing or look forward
to. The minute I wake up I can't wait to retreat into sleep again. I have children to look after (half term this week). I try not to cry in front of them but I can't believe that my life is as bleak as it is. I know I should be able to count some blessings - the children are all healthy and lovely and we have no real money worries (but are not as affluent as other people who live in my area)but it is the real, crushing sense of depression that makes it virtually impossible to function. I don't really do anything to make myself feel better -i feel such a tightness round the middle of my body - I can hardly eat or drink (i know its wrong not to do so)but food makes me feel terrible - i hate the way I have to either buy it or prepare it all the time and I am frightened to go into grocery stores. In fact I'm pretty frightened to go everywehere (but this is hidden so no body else knows it). Why can't I just p[ull myself together - I know it's impossible when suffereing from crushing depression, but this can't go on for me anymore. I have suffered for about 4 months in the last 6 years - when I am better life is good, but this time I really feel different and that there is no way I am going to recover. The GP has presribed masses of ADs - they haven't helped and my mind seems to be set that they won't. This is long and rambling but I just wanted to make conact with someone on this site while my children are sleeping/preoccupied. This is devastating to me - I really hadte myself so much and wish I could pull myself out of this black black pit that I am in

feelinggood_2

Avocado, sorry you are feeling so low.
I can understand the physical pain, alot of people don't understand that depression physically hurts - I get a feeling like a vice around my chest - tight, burning pain.
Have you talked to your GP about one of the talking therapies? They work for some people.
Is there a trigger for the depression?

avocadomummy

i think it is just as coincidence that it happens around the same time - during the summer holidays and lasts for about four months. I am tired of talking about it - i should have really got to the bottom of it the first or second time it occured - now it just seems like it has been my life and I have lived with it for such a long tmne that I don't want to carry on talking about it. But yes, the dr has suggested CBT and I am on a waiting list. I don;t really have too many good friends during aol of this - the ones I do have see my as a ahppy person and I retreat from all social encounters when this descends on mye. It's not that I try and hide it - I am not shy of the stigma of this, its just that I don't want to contaminate everyoen else with my misery and that it what it feels like. It is such a pity that the children are the ones who are close to me and i really wanted their lives to be great. WEe have had a fairly happy family outside of these times - although my husbasnd recently told me that he hasn't loved me for the last ten years, so maybe all these negstive vibes have been eating asway at me. He is not tempted by an affair (I thknk). He is a good man and has decieded that it is bettern if we are both unhappy but keep the financial stability in place so that the children can attend private schools(which he believes is the right thing for them). I haver not worked through out marriages so find myself in such a scary place with no options at all. I have to agree with him - i have no money nor job prospects to go anywhere and he will say that I am not fit to look after the children. But it is hard to live with someone who despises me and avoids all contact with me when I want to feel loved and not alone in this because as everybody says, it is the most isolating thing to be going through - even when the isolation is so self imposed. I know this is all long and ramblinb like a stream of consciousness, but I want to get it out of my system and hope that someone on this board understands.

avocadomummy

is anyone on line?

feelinggood_2

That is a very tough situation.
I'm in an unhappy marriage, and as I'm totally dependant on him, I can't leave, so I've got a vague idea what its like.
What do YOU think is best for the kids? Do yo uthink private school is best?
Is your marraige fine when you are normal?
Don't worry about rambling, you should see some of my previous posts!
What about extended family, anyone you could rely on?
x

avocadomummy

My my has pretty much washed her hands of me and there's no one else (suster has own life getting on with),. What is best for kids is for us to behappy - but not achieveable - I did love him so much and put him on a bit of a pedestable. He is a high achiever - and I have not achieved anything so my low self esteem is a problem here too. Private schools seem to be the bv4st (we pay £35,000 after tax income a year for them so you can see how crippling that can be). He says that since nothing makes me happy I am not able to make any decisions and he will make them all. Also its too late for me to change, so why jeopardise their chances, so give them all the advantages they can have. His dislike of me is palpable. Does your husbsand not love you anymore or is it the other way round? How do you live with it? Does anything make you happy. How old are you and how long have you felt this way - sorry for all questions, just want to make contact with someone

feelinggood_2

I'll PM you instead, if thats okay