depression

rose07

Tiff wrote:

Hey Miro - sending out some looking after you vibes angel - and :grouphug: too.
I am so sorry.
I don't know what happened angel but tell us when you feel you can.
Could it be possible that she was having a bad time with her own issues?
From what you've said hun, she's very good at cancelling at the last minute but she didn't did she? So she was at least open to seeing you. I'm hoping that what's happened is that something/someone else upset her, she iced over and you're adopting the blame. Some people can't separate issues and take it out on those closest at that time - I don't know angel, these are just guesses.:undecided

Miroslav, she is not like every other human being - we are all different and I'll prove it to you.
Now you're sitting there feeling quite heartbroken but when you're ready, I want you to go back through all these posts, notice the support you get and give and all the thanks you get. Yes, we are all hundreds of miles apart from each other hun and we are only on the internet, but if you can't feel the warmth and friendship that we all feel for you and see it wrap around you when we see you hurting, then I guess I'm reading it wrong.
One way or another, we on this board have all been victims of something or another and I'm slowly learning something Miro.......it makes us better people! I don't think there's anyone here in this group of your friends, who could be malicious to someone else because we've already been on the other end of it.

Because of these very facts, you should now realise that the 'game' is not over yet. You've had a hard time but this week especially, you've been so funny sweetheart and so lively. It's good to see you like that. And whereas you need to pay dues to your sadness hun, you've got a life to live and it can be better.
I feel your grief for all you've been through angel - maybe you could talk to CRUSE about your bereavement, and get to a good counsellor to offload all the hurt you're feeling. I know that these are all separate issues for later but it's a way forward.
And I don't blame you angel. You're not on your own. I'd give the world to feel someone's arms around me, to hear someone's laughter - to hear my own laughter, to be in a relationship where I don't have to protect myself or worry what mood they'll be in when they come home, to do simple things like having to make 2 coffees instead of 1, to have someone to lie next to, to be half of a wonderful whole. (teary Tiff:o ) We haven't deserved the hand so far dealt but the game's still there to be played angel. You can get what you deserve angel.
We'll all be here for you hun when you're ready to talk. Sending huge hugs your way angel.
Much Love
Tiff
xxx

very touching tiff, you have said it all there, from the heart and true, and i may be a bit younger than you but i can def relate to that last paragraph, its the little things that matter, the having someone to cuddle, having a shoulder to lean on, quiet romantic times, and to feel like a team, and together instead of half. xxx, all very true and something i think about alot.

Miro, listen to tiff, she is clever, i wont add anymore as tiff has said it all there. But Big big hugs hun, and she has agreed to see you again, maybe when your flatmate sees her she can help out, you both want to help s and you want to be there for s in more ways than one, which is something special in itself what i would give to have someone like you caring and wanting to be there, you are one of the good guys ok, and the good guys always win, (have you seen robin hood? ) , you will get there in the end, try not to beat yourself up, i think s may have some issues she is trying to overcome but dont let it beat you both.

much love huni, we are all here if you need. you are very much loved and cared about here, so just let the pain out hun. xxxxxx

(right im just in a towel so better get pjs on, back in a bit )

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

very touching tiff, you have said it all there, from the heart and true, and i may be a bit younger than you but i can def relate to that last paragraph, its the little things that matter, the having someone to cuddle, having a shoulder to lean on, quiet romantic times, and to feel like a team, and together instead of half. xxx, all very true and something i think about alot.

Miro, listen to tiff, she is clever, i wont add anymore as tiff has said it all there. But Big big hugs hun, and she has agreed to see you again, maybe when your flatmate sees her she can help out, you both want to help s and you want to be there for s in more ways than one, which is something special in itself what i would give to have someone like you caring and wanting to be there, you are one of the good guys ok, and the good guys always win, (have you seen robin hood? ) , you will get there in the end, try not to beat yourself up, i think s may have some issues she is trying to overcome but dont let it beat you both.

much love huni, we are all here if you need. you are very much loved and cared about here, so just let the pain out hun. xxxxxx

(right im just in a towel so better get pjs on, back in a bit )

I offered a shoulder, an ear and more........she didn't want any of it.

I think she's offended by the offer of help.

Just wanted 'S' to like me and care about me.........oh well

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote:

I'm not liked in real life. I think I must have something tattooed on my forehead.

She won't turn up. She's meeting flatmate tomorrow, I can only imagine what she will say to her, and flatmate will give me the bad news.

We agreed to honesty, yet she wasn't honest. She said she was fine to me...........why go running to my flatmate? She ignored most of what I said all day, I just wanted a response! She just didn't respond.

She was okay to have the TV on and laugh though...........yeah, really bad time.

Well, we might be online, but we're still real, or at least some of the time Maybe she was being as honest as she could be, with whatever it was she was having to deal with at the time. All I can say is try not to rush to conclusions tonight. Friendships and relationships are a long road travelled xxx

Miroslav

Sazbo wrote:

Well, we might be online, but we're still real, or at least some of the time Maybe she was being as honest as she could be, with whatever it was she was having to deal with at the time. All I can say is try not to rush to conclusions tonight. Friendships and relationships are a long road travelled xxx

True. No offence though, but 'S' is here, or at least in my town. She can hug me, no-one else can't.

I've told my flatmate i'm leaving. She's trying to talk me out of it :rolleyes:

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

I offered a shoulder, an ear and more........she didn't want any of it.

I think she's offended by the offer of help.

Just wanted 'S' to like me and care about me.........oh well

see you are doing the right things, but maybe she doesnt know where she is at?

i dont think she would be offended hun, but sometimes it is hard to know whether people mean to help or not. will try and explain

i reckon she does like you and does care, i dont know too much but only things about what you have said and i think she may just need to adapt to a guy that is nice.

ok miro, im going to share something with you now

i used to be like what s sounds like, in need of help, just ending up with any guy, because i didnt care, because i felt i wasnt worth anything and that i didnt deserve the best, i wasnt happy, got took for a ride by guys, they would cheat i would take them back, that kinda thing, then the attack happened and that changed everything, i realised and blamed myself for it happening as to the person i used to be, getting drunk and not caring, not thinking i was worth or deserved happiness.

then when i finally did meet someone, or when people were trying to help, i didnt understand, as i had soo many years of people in my life treating me like sh*t that i wasnt used to it, i didnt understand it, if a guy was nice to me, i thought he wanted something in return so i would push myself away from them i would distance myself due to the fact i would be scared of what would happen. (and i still do this) so fair nuff s might not have been through the things i have but she does seem to have been treated badly by guys which is something i understand, sometimes it just takes a while to ajust to the fact that there are nice people out there that dont want to hurt you and just want to be there and care for you. And when you find that person its powerful and like nothing else as it makes you feel wanted, makes you feel loved, makes you know you are not alone.
so what am i trying to say here? thats a good question, but im trying to say that s may not be used to such a lovely sweet guy like you, you clearly care for her, and want to be there for her. Give her some time, and when you next meet up, try and understand she will be fragile, she may be overcoming issues, and she may be trying to battle such feelings you are feeling about her. give it time and space, sometimes to be ok we need to distance ourselves from the things that matter.

i hope this makes sense?

much love hun
xxx

Tiff_2

Miroslav wrote:

I'm not liked in real life. I think I must have something tattooed on my forehead.

She won't turn up. She's meeting flatmate tomorrow, I can only imagine what she will say to her, and flatmate will give me the bad news.

We agreed to honesty, yet she wasn't honest. She said she was fine to me...........why go running to my flatmate? She ignored most of what I said all day, I just wanted a response! She just didn't respond.

She was okay to have the TV on and laugh though...........yeah, really bad time.

If you read back through my long post Miro, didn't I say that her mood was probably unrelated to you? When you are feeling bad for whatever reason, how much do you communicate? I think it could be a case of being over-sensitive angel, possibly?

You have to remember hun, she's been badly hurt,'damaged' etc. It's hard to predict how someone, let alone two people feeling like that, can be in a relationship. It's harder than if just one of you were ill. God knows any relationship carries no guarantees. Sometimes we put someone sooo high up on that pedestal and we are heartbroken when they don't live up to it. No relationship is ever just good times - for anyone.

And sometimes, we are so desperate for love to be in our lives that we expect the next person to be The One. That's not real life. Our other experiences are what helps us to appreciate The One when they're finally here.

I hear your pain Miro. Right now, I don't think anyone can make you feel any better about anything or reach you. For that, I feel I'm failing you. Whatever I say will probably not help right now. But please don't threaten suicide.

Before you're concentrating so desperately on having a good relationship hun, I think your efforts would be better spent on getting yourself help and getting well. Then you will be in a position to know how to react, how to deal with a situation without immediately wanting to die and you will be giving yourself the best chance of all in finding that happy ending you're dreaming of.
It'll be the best gift you ever got...
Tiff x

Miroslav

rose07 wrote:

see you are doing the right things, but maybe she doesnt know where she is at?

i dont think she would be offended hun, but sometimes it is hard to know whether people mean to help or not. will try and explain

i reckon she does like you and does care, i dont know too much but only things about what you have said and i think she may just need to adapt to a guy that is nice.

ok miro, im going to share something with you now

i used to be like what s sounds like, in need of help, just ending up with any guy, because i didnt care, because i felt i wasnt worth anything and that i didnt deserve the best, i wasnt happy, got took for a ride by guys, they would cheat i would take them back, that kinda thing, then the attack happened and that changed everything, i realised and blamed myself for it happening as to the person i used to be, getting drunk and not caring, not thinking i was worth or deserved happiness.

then when i finally did meet someone, or when people were trying to help, i didnt understand, as i had soo many years of people in my life treating me like sh*t that i wasnt used to it, i didnt understand it, if a guy was nice to me, i thought he wanted something in return so i would push myself away from them i would distance myself due to the fact i would be scared of what would happen. so fair nuff s might not have been through the things i have but she does seem to have been trated badly by guys which is something i understand, sometimes it just takes a while to ajust to the fact that there are nice people out there that dont want to hurt you and just want to be there and care for you. And when you find that person its powerful and like nothing else as it makes you feel wanted, makes you feel loved, makes you know you are not alone.
so what am i trying to say here? thats a good question, but im trying to say that s may not be used to such a lovely sweet guy like you, you clearly care for her, and want to be there for her. Give her some time, and when you next meet up, try and understand she will be fragile, she may be overcoming issues, and she may be trying to battle such feelings you are feeling about her. give it time and space, sometimes to be ok we need to distance ourselves from the things that matter.

i hope this makes sense?

much love hun
xxx

She doesn't appreciate me.

I just reckon she wants to be abused. I'm not good enough. I was nice, good looking and funny on Thursday. Today I was just not wanted.

You make sense, but she's just so.............well today she was unemotional with me.

Zero chance of anything now, I'll never get through the barriers, she let them down once, and she's regretting it.

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

If you read back through my long post Miro, didn't I say that her mood was probably unrelated to you? When you are feeling bad for whatever reason, how much do you communicate? I think it could be a case of being over-sensitive angel, possibly?

You have to remember hun, she's been badly hurt,'damaged' etc. It's hard to predict how someone, let alone two people feeling like that, can be in a relationship. It's harder than if just one of you were ill. God knows any relationship carries no guarantees. Sometimes we put someone sooo high up on that pedestal and we are heartbroken when they don't live up to it. No relationship is ever just good times - for anyone.

And sometimes, we are so desperate for love to be in our lives that we expect the next person to be The One. That's not real life. Our other experiences are what helps us to appreciate The One when they're finally here.

I hear your pain Miro. Right now, I don't think anyone can make you feel any better about anything or reach you. For that, I feel I'm failing you. Whatever I say will probably not help right now. But please don't threaten suicide.

Before you're concentrating so desperately on having a good relationship hun, I think your efforts would be better spent on getting yourself help and getting well. Then you will be in a position to know how to react, how to deal with a situation without immediately wanting to die and you will be giving yourself the best chance of all in finding that happy ending you're dreaming of.
It'll be the best gift you ever got...
Tiff x

I was feeling bad, but still was gentle with her. Maybe I have too high standards and because I am that way, expect others to give 100% too.

Well, this relationship has collapsed before it started.

I'll never meet 'The One' again. I made a mistake this time, liking her for so long.

I'll fight on. I've told my Flatmate, i've got to re-trace my steps. I have to bury some ghosts, so i'm going to face some things straight on. People won't like it, but I have to end what others started, or i'll never be free.

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote:

I was feeling bad, but still was gentle with her. Maybe I have too high standards and because I am that way, expect others to give 100% too.

Well, this relationship has collapsed before it started.

I'll never meet 'The One' again. I made a mistake this time, liking her for so long.

I'll fight on. I've told my Flatmate, i've got to re-trace my steps. I have to bury some ghosts, so i'm going to face some things straight on. People won't like it, but I have to end what others started, or i'll never be free.

Miro, I think Tiff's right. You need to get yourself well first, to give yourself the best chance. There may have been an element of you sensing that you aren't reading for this yourself. Give yourself space to heal. xx

Tiff I've been really humbled tonight, and moved. If I had one tiny speck of your wisdom I'd have done so much better with my life! Sx

rose07

Miroslav wrote:

She doesn't appreciate me.

I just reckon she wants to be abused. I'm not good enough. I was nice, good looking and funny on Thursday. Today I was just not wanted.

You make sense, but she's just so.............well today she was unemotional with me.

Zero chance of anything now, I'll never get through the barriers, she let them down once, and she's regretting it.

Stop beating yourself up hun,

pleease dont say that no one wants to be abused,!!!!,,you are beating yourself up, which wont get you anywhere.

how was she with you on thursday?

i think if you want to get through the barriers you will, we put barriers up for a reason hun, to protect ourselves and to protect others as well.

here is something just for you, and tiff and anyone else you might like this too.
http://www.123greetings.com/cute_cards/hugs/hug9.html, you can choose hun x

xxx