depression

astonsmummy

Hi all,

I've not posted for a while - wish i had of done really, Today i had one of my 'blow outs' I've been quite down for a couple of weeks now.
I thought i had things sorted, got myself a new job but last week i was so down i called in sick, then i was gonnna go back this week but got carpal tunnel syndrome in my hand and got signed off (my boss wasnt too pleased and was really rude to me)
I dont really know why i am down there isnt anything in particular, just lots of little things.
I just feel like i cant cope, DS has hit terrible two's and its really hard for me, i have such a low tollerance and feel like i'm forever shouting NO!

My mum has just about had enought of me and i dont blame her, i'm rude, snappy, talk to her like she's a bit of sh*t and there is no reason for me to coz she's the best mum anyone could want.
I dont even know how it started but we ended up haveing a row today, i stormed off in my car, and when i was driving along i really thought about driving into a lamppost on my way home.
I got in, smashed my kitchen up and front room, just completely lost it.
Then i looked round and DS was just standing there looking at me emotionless - what am i doing to him? sometimes i think he'd be better off in care.

I phoned the samaritans - sobbing my heart out, desperate for someone to talk to and i was met with awkward silences, and told to 'go to my library and get some leaflets' I just put the phone down.

I'm soo fed up with being so angry and upset all the time - so i thought sod it, and rang social services - i didnt want them to take DS away really, but i didnt know what else to do, noone else seems to listen!
Anyways, the girl i spoke to was so lovely, she stayed on the phone for about 40 mins, then rang round some people and has sorted out a docs appointment, someone from surestart to give me a home visit, to see what support they can give me at home.
They can also help me with my debts - which is really getting me down too.
I still feel absolutely miserable and cant see a light at the end of the tunnel but i know i've got to try and be strong for spud.
I just want to feel happy

Marsh_Samphire

I've had depression and been on and off anti-ds for the last 20 yrs. I seem to bumble along OK for a few months or years and then gradually go on a downward spiral until I realise I need help again. I've had shed loads of counselling etc and GP reckons it's a chemical imbalance. Currently on prozac (again) and had been feeling a bit better. I also have very vivid dreams (have done for years) and a few months ago my gp suggested taking the prozac in the morning and not at night like I had been doing. My consultant has also given me 10mg amitryptaline to take before bed and it helps me sleep better without dreams.

So, I was feeling a bit better and then 4 wks ago had a sore throat and swollen glands, went to surgery and nurse said see the doctor, next appt was 1 wk later but before that came round was too ill to go in to work. Doctor says "a virus" and I was off for 3 wks, seems to be something like glandular fever the doc said. Now going back to work on a phased return as ordered by doctor. HR are fine but line manager is being horrible. She rang me 3 times in 1 wk when I was off sick, even though I had informed her that I was signed off and sent the doc's cert in. HR agreed to me going back 9.30 to 1pm for first week but on Weds (my day off) line manager again phoned at home to say I had arrived at work 20mins early on Monday and she told me off for not sticking to the agreement (traffic is bad going to work and I worried about being late so over compensated and arrived too early!)

Then today, she calls me in for a 1-2-1 and has a go at me for not being a team player, says I always want to take leave without consulting the team (not true because we have to request leave from her before we book anything and we have a chart on the wall that I always check to see who else has booked time off first).

So I'm feeling even more down than I was. My colleague says the line manager is picking on me and that she had similar problems with the same line manager about a year ago, but it eventually stopped and it seems she has now fixated on me to pick on.

If I say anything to HR it will make it worse because when I was off sick and arranging the phased return with HR I mentioned that she kept phoning me but HR told her I said something and she called me again to say I had been telling tales to HR about her!!!!

Hopefully I can weather the storm, she goes on leave for 2 wks soon and is always in a better mood when she's had some leave and things might settle down then.

Sorry for the long ramble. Reading this thread reminds me I'm not alone feeling like this and it can get better.

Zeusie

Just found this thread.

I was diagnosed a fortnight ago with depression. Just not coping with things a lot of the time.

Doc wanted me to take prozac but I'm not keen to get started in prescription anti-depressants and she gave me an alternative: SuperEpa fish oil capsules.

Apparenty some studies have shown that the epa in fish oil helps to restore chemicals depleted in the brain through stress and so I thought I'd give it a go. Can take a few weeks to kick in apparently.

Has to be SuperEpa capsules (not just Epa) containg 330mg of Epa in each capsule. Three a day give you nearly 1000mg a day which is the recommended dosage.

Just thought i'd mention it for others who are interested.

PIGZ

astonsmummy wrote:

Hi all,

I've not posted for a while - wish i had of done really, Today i had one of my 'blow outs' I've been quite down for a couple of weeks now.

I still feel absolutely miserable and cant see a light at the end of the tunnel but i know i've got to try and be strong for spud.
I just want to feel happy

Hiya astonsmummy, I just wanted to say that you can get there hun, I know exactly how you feel at the moment, going through the same thing myself, been really low for a few weeks and it all just seems to be mounting up until you erupt. My OH has to keep me in check because I start taking things out on the kids, which I did earlier, my oldest just topped off a bad day for me so I ended up smacking my youngest for the most trivial thing which made me feel even worse, and hate myself even more.
Can't you email your mum to tell her how you feel and that you do appreciate her, I find things easier to put into writing to explain how I feel than to actually talk to someone. I'm sure the last thing she would want is for you to feel so alone and down that you would think of hurting yourself or putting your little one into care.
If you ever need anyone to talk to you can PM me anytime, I tune into this site nearly every night, I haven't got a miracle cure (god knows I could do with one myself) but if it helps you can cry on my shoulder. Thinking of you.

urban_spirit

Hi All

Apologies - i'm catching up on the posts in here but nothings going in cos i'm so tired.

Sending everyone ((((((HUGE HUGS))))) from the heart and wishing everyone better days xxxxx

mclaren_2

i seen urbs on here so i thought i would give a post ago.

i was diagnosed last year with anxiety and depression - wont go in to details but i have scars on my arm. couldnt cope so after some "things" were tried, put me on trazadone - did have others befoer, had fluoxetine and another prozac one but both didnt agree with me.

one im on now seems to be ok - though have had some setbacks - was sent to see a psyc but i found it hard to get up to see him - doc said that other theripy might help - she is looking at some.

one thing i have probs with is sleep, waking up and getting up and getting "energy" - i sometimes feel like i just wana sleep but i KNOW i have to get up - but have probs actually doing it - even worse when people call you lazy, pathetic and sad

also find it very hard to be with alot of people - feel very uneasy - and if in a room of more than 10 people, panic and start to get my head messed up

astonsmummy

PIGZ wrote:

Hiya astonsmummy, I just wanted to say that you can get there hun, I know exactly how you feel at the moment, going through the same thing myself, been really low for a few weeks and it all just seems to be mounting up until you erupt. My OH has to keep me in check because I start taking things out on the kids, which I did earlier, my oldest just topped off a bad day for me so I ended up smacking my youngest for the most trivial thing which made me feel even worse, and hate myself even more.
Can't you email your mum to tell her how you feel and that you do appreciate her, I find things easier to put into writing to explain how I feel than to actually talk to someone. I'm sure the last thing she would want is for you to feel so alone and down that you would think of hurting yourself or putting your little one into care.
If you ever need anyone to talk to you can PM me anytime, I tune into this site nearly every night, I haven't got a miracle cure (god knows I could do with one myself) but if it helps you can cry on my shoulder. Thinking of you.

Thnx hun, you ave bought a tear to my eye
My mum knows how i feel but she's got alot of her own stuff t deal with i dont thing she can handle me anymore.
Thought i might feel better today - but then last night put stop to that, its pathetic rally, i've seen this bloke a few times and thought he actually liked me, most blokes i meet just want one thing. But no - he just wants to be friends, i'm destined to be single forever! - I know life isint about having a fella but i'm soooooooo lonely its untrue.
I just wanna be loved:o

Mrs_A.

hi folks a worried and depressed mrs a here again,
i have a dilemma regarding my forthcomming appointment with the psychiatrist:~
do i
be honest with work and tell them why i need time off
apply for an annual leave day and say nothing
or try and swap my shift and say i have something else on
or or say i have a hospital appointment but not tell them why
and advice greatly received
regards
mrs a

astonsmummy

tell them u have a hospital appointment, you dont have to tell them why if you dont want to xx

rose07

hi mrs a

i would prob be honest but you dont have to go into detail, just say you have a hospital appointment and if they ask why just say you would prefer not say till you know more.

or if there is someone at work to who you might confide in and talk with then you would have someone to help and understand you at work?

hope this helps and all goes ok with your appointment.

BIG HUGS to ya