Minniepoos versus The Black Hole

savingholmes

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Glad you have good friends... it makes a big difference at times like this

minniepoos_2

Before this all happened I really didn't think I had many friends at all. It's sad that it took something like this for me to realise that they've always been there for me.

I guess I'm luckier than I thought.

savingholmes

Well I am glad something good is coming out of hte situation you are in.

minniepoos_2

Not much to report. EX wants a divorce. And he wants to do it without solicitors to save money. Not sure if I like that idea or not. Will give it some thought. He's not exactly been trustworthy over the last 7 weeks.

DD has gone to Spain for the summer. The house is unbearably empty now. I'm glad I've got things planned for most of the weekend days, but the weeknight evenings are going to be far too long.

DD wants an Ipod nano for her birthday. It's not for 3 months, but I'm starting to look into it, to see what the best deals are. At the minute you can get an 8GB one at Debenhams for £99, and 5% cashback through Quidco. Can't quite afford it yet though. I think my folks are getting her a Nintendo DSI. She's been after one for months. I guess now I have to co-ordinate what I get her with EX, to make sure we don't get her the same.

Hopefully EX has gone back to the estate agents today, to see if the second offer was still available. I kinda figured that it's only £5000 under what we said we would settle for, and at the end of the day £5000 isn't going to make much difference to the debts. I just need to get out of this house quickly. It feels so oppressive. I look around and all I can see are plans we made but will never finish. I hope he did.

sallyx

Minipoos, Ive been asked to come on to your diary and see if I can offer you any advice. Im not sure I can but I just wanted to offer you a bit of support. Ive been through what you are going through....its horrid but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Have a look at my diary if you want to see how things have changed so much in a year. The one thing I will say and offer advice on is doing your own divorce. I think until the house is sold and your assets are divided it is more complicated to do it alone...not impossible though. I have just today has my date for decree nisi through and have done all the divorce myself and its been easy, and the local court have been able to give me step by step details on stuff I wasn't sure about. It will have cost me £340 in total and has saved me thousands.

Hang in there, make the most of the time with your friends, yes I too neglected them until now but real friends will ALWAYS be there for you regardless!

minniepoos_2

Quite a bit to report, so I'll try not to ramble too much.

We've accepted an offer of £94,000 (with the oven thrown in). The buyer wants to be completed in 4 weeks, so I'm hoping for that to happen. I've viewed a couple of houses fr me & DD, and one of them is really nice. It's £600 per month, which is a little high, but it's a really nice place. Really hope this house sells ok so I can get the place I want.

I want to start again, and have a place I'm not embarrassed about. I feel more hopeful than I have for a while.

The old car has finally gone - re-listed it on ebay and it went for £430. The buyer has collected already, so I have £300 towards the rental deposit and XOH & I split the rest - £65 each. I think Thursday evening I'll out some more things on ebay. I've started my own ebay account, and am more motivated to sell things now I know I need money for the deposit.

I've started packing - not much for now, but a bit. XOH still has to clear all his stuff out, plus the garden & loft are full of stuff
Don't know what to do with all the things we picked out together, like ornaments and pictures. Holiday memories. One of my friends says I should take what I want and leave him what I don't (!), but to be honest, we picked everything together, and part of me doesn't want any of it because it's all painful memories, but part of me doesn't want to give everything up.

So, on to the divorce. I discussed it with my counseller, and I think It would be best to have a solicitor. He says he won't try to hurt me in any way, but his word can't be trusted right now. And it's all about what's best for DD - if I ever want to move anywhere (or he does) it'll be best if everything is sorted out legally, rather than just an informal agreement. Haven't told him yet - I know he won't be impressed.

Got really annoyed yesterday - there's a bit of a chance that our house will complete before I can move into a rental place, so 'she' has offered that I can store some of my things in her garage if I like. IF I BLEEDIN' LIKE???!!! Does she not think she's got enough of mine already??? I told XOH how horrendously inappropriate and insulting it was, and he got mad at me, saying she was only being nice. I would rather burn all of my possessions than let her get her hands on them.:mad: Oh poo, I've got all wound up again just thinking about it. I hate the way that she comes out of everything looking like some kind of saint. Although it only looks like that to XOH I guess, and his opinion is a lot less important than it used to be.

savingholmes

It is tough at the moment for you! It will be good to have a new start. The rent sounds steep tho but it can be a morale booster to come back to a nice place as you say. Perhaps ask DD whether there is anything in particular she would like to keep from some of the things from you as a couple. I would have thought she would want to keep the photos etc so just try and consider her too. Hope it is not too lonely while she is away. Will it be a huge shock to her if you sell the house that quick? She may need to say goodbye to the house too.... I feel for you - hugs - you must have so much whizzing around your head at the mo!

minniepoos_2

Most of our photos were taken on a digi camera, so I guess we can both keep them. I might keep the ones we had printed, because it was always me who had to do stuff like that. DD would be quite happy if I moved before she came back - she's never really liked the house either, and is looking forward to going somewhere new.

A lot of our ornaments are still packed from moving in 6 years ago. We never got them all out because we were renovating. I guess I can sort through them when I unpack next time.

A couple of good friends have offered me storage space, and even a bed to sleep in if there is a hold up getting into a new place. They've all been so good to me.

I joined the Guardian Soulmates website last week, just for a bit of fun really, and to get to chat with some different people. Thought it might help a few evenings pass a bit quicker. I spent 4 hours last night chatting to a bloke on there. Sounds really nice, and the best bit is he lives a 6 hour drive away, so no pressure to move too quickly. Can't believe it was 4 hours though - didn't seem that long!

I thought I would be really lonely now I'm in the house on my own, but it's not too bad. I'm away all of the weekends, and have had quite a few weeknights with friends, or at the cinema, so I haven't really had time to get too lonely. Had a bad moment a couple of nights ago - I was watching something funny on telly, and without really thinking, I had turned to laugh at something with XOH, forgetting for a second that he's not there anymore. Really bummed me out, so I got straight on facebook and chatted to a good friend, who perked me up really quickly. Glad I did, or I would've been down all night. Starting to learn that my friends don't mind if I ask them for help. It's not something I do easily, but am getting there slowly.

The government have stopped my tax credits!! Apparently because I didn't return the declaration (which I did - twice!). I've sorted it all out over the phone, but they haven't started my payments up again yet, so I'm getting a little short of money. Hope I get some tomorrow, as I'm away again this weekend, and could do with a little spending money. Going to a cousins hen night, then meeting up with some other cousins the next day too. It's so nice to be able to do stuff without having to check with somebody first. I'm enjoying putting myself first for a change.

savingholmes

Glad you are finding some positives - that's good. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and over the weekend! I have to go and collect my kids from the grandparents yesterday - we are meeting half way near an outlet village - could be tempting!

minniepoos_2

It's been ages since I last came on here, so thought I'd better have a sneaky update while at work. No news on the house yet - XOH spent ages filling in the home questionnaire which held it up quite a bit. I suppose he's in no hurry - he's where he wants to be already. It's done now though, so hopefully things will start to progress.

Tax credits are coming in again, which was a bit of a relief. Was going to start my banking spreadsheet from the start of this month, but I think I'm going to wait until after I'm back from Spain - I'm going this Sunday. About time too - really need to get away now and it will be great to see DD again. Missed her so much.

Although it has given me some time to look after myself and find out who I am again. I've been having fun, which has surprised me a lot.

I'm still talking to my online man - we chat either online, on the phone or by text every day, usually for hours. We've arranged to meet up when I get back from Spain, which I'm really looking forward to. I've been nagged by a couple of friends to be careful, which I am being. Just having a bit of fun - and we've been getting on so well.

I'm going to a friends for dinner tonight - he's taking me to the airport on sunday too. XOH had promised he would, but he had a major strop yesterday and flat out refused to. Apparently he's getting annoyed that I'm having more fun than he is....
It'll be a much nicer ride down without him, so I'm kind of relieved he's let me down again!

I had my hair cut yesterday into a much shorter sexier style. I'd always kept my hair long because XOH liked it long, but I'm totally loving my new look! The more I look back at the times we shared, the more I see that I put him first far too many times, while he was putting himself first. Still, you live and learn.

I spent last weekend at a friends in Manchester and had a really great time. He'd planned loads for us, and I met some of his new friends up there. I like being able to just do things, not having to check whether it's ok with XOH. Definitely enjoying my freedom