Minniepoos versus The Black Hole

minniepoos_2

Still here and getting on with it all. Had a little good news - my friend in Manchester is moving n 6th Aug, so if I go up to see him after that I can sleep on his floor so I don't have to organise clubcard vouchers for a hotel. The flights are about £68 + the charges they whack on you for paying with a card. I'm gonna see which friday I can have off work tomorrow, then go ahead and book it. I need something to look forward to.

The bloke who bought our car has been messing us around. Had 3 no-shows, but he keeps phoning to say he wants it, and to arrange another day to get it. It's made a right mess of our plan, as we needed the money to pay the last CC of the month. Now it's gonna be paid late, which will just cost us in the long run. The minimum payment has gone up from £220 to £342 (they've changed the % minimum payment), and so far I've paid £203 this month. Hopefully he'l turn up with the cash tomorrow, so I can get to the bank and pay the rest. Should've been done on the 12th though

I bought 2 lovely skirts in a charity shop in town yesterday. One was £3.75 and the other £5.99. I'm really pleased as they're a size 12, and I'd been a small 16 for ages. One is M&S too, which I could NEVER afford. In fact to buy both new would probably be around £65-70, so I'm pretty happy with my bargains

The talk with OH went ok. I cried a lot. We stayed friendly though, and talked through some practicalities. We've agreed to go out like this every month, to talk about anything that needs talking about, and just to give us time to stay friends.

Any hopes I had of him and her ending soon are fading fast. Still clinging to the hope that it will end, but I know it has to run it's course first. He has to do what he feels is right, and I have to put up with it.

One of our friends died on Monday. He had asbestosis, and had been doing really well. Selfish thought that I am ashamed of - we'll both be going to the funeral, but I won't get to comfort my own husband because she'll be there because she was friends with him too. And my husband will need comforting because they were really close. Very selfish thought though.

savingholmes

Hi minniepoos - I have subscribed.

Hugs to you about your breakup with your OH - that is so difficult to adjust to. I too suffer with deression but I think anyone going thro what you are would be struggling right now anyway - so don't beat yourself up about feeling down.

It sounds like you are really practical and you have been doing loads to try and reduce the overall debt level which is really good. You should give yourself a massive pat on the back about all you have achieved.

Sorry to hear about your friend's funeral - hugs to you on that too. I think sleepless in seattle had it right when Tom Hanks said somedays - you just breathe in and out and focus ont hat and one day that will be automatic again and you won't have to remember to breathe any more... Just take all the help you can get, if your friends are supportive great if not keep posting on here anyway.

Good luck and hugs - hope you get some sleep very soon

minniepoos_2

Well, it's been a week or so since I last came on here, and it's been a busy time. Shocked my my mobile bill - usually £25 per month, this month £64, and my Sky (including telephone) usially £44, this month £91. Have really tried to cut back on calls, but need to speak to people a bit. Thinking about upping my price plan for my moby, to give me more free minutes for when I call my friends on my lunch hour. Will speak to vodafone and see what the options are.

Two of my friends took me out on Friday night. My first night out in town without him. It was great! I had a really good time, and felt good about myself, which is a new feeling for me. And (slightly embarrasssed...) I accidently pulled! Was amazing to feel fanciable again - and a major self-esteem boost. Was nice to have something to stop the loneliness, if only for a short while. I have seen him since, and it was fun, but he's moving abroad very soon, so there is no chance of a future. Which is probably why it's nice - I think it would be far to scary and too easy to be hurt again if there was a possibility of anything longer-term.

I've emerged a little from my denial. I know he's not coming back. I now know he never planned to. I wish he's been honest from the start instead of filling my head with all the 'we're working on it' rubbish. I'm ashamed that I believed him, and embarrassed that I told people it, when they must've known he wasn't. But then again, why wouldn't I believe him?

We've had 2 offers on the house. One was insultingly low, and the other still too low for us to accept. We need enough to pay at least a little off of the debts. We've reduced the price to try to attract more people, but I'm not too hopeful at the moment. Shame, because DD & I just want to get out.

The bloke who agreed to buy the car still hasn't shown up with the cash. Gutted. OH (do I still call him that?) knows someone else who might be interested, so hopefully he'll find out about that soon.

What should I call OH from now on? EX? Doesn't feel ex yet, but know he's not mine, so can't think of any other options. Don't really know why I'm worrying about something so stupid.

Sun_Addict

Hi Minniepoos

Glad you had a great night out and you pulled to boot! Can't be bad - you've still got it! It's sounds like you've got some lovely friends who will help you through the bad times. One day this will all seem like a bad dream. I can think of a few things you can call your ex-OH but not printable ones!;) You are much better off without someone like him and it won't be long before you realise it. The only way is up from now on!

minniepoos_2

Sun_Addict wrote: »

Hi Minniepoos

Glad you had a great night out and you pulled to boot! Can't be bad - you've still got it!
It was so nice to feel special again - had been a long time.

It's sounds like you've got some lovely friends who will help you through the bad times.
I didn't even want to go out, but they kinda made me, and even lent me a lovely top to wear (I've lost so much weight that all my tops just hang on me). It was nothing like the kind of top I would normally dare wear in public, but I tried it on and felt a different person! Someone fun and confident. I thought, before all this, that I didn't have many friends but I was soooo wrong. They're all being so good to me, and I owe them so much.

One day this will all seem like a bad dream. I can think of a few things you can call your ex-OH but not printable ones!
Yeah - I have to admit I have thought of a few, but am trying to rise above it

You are much better off without someone like him and it won't be long before you realise it. The only way is up from now on!

His actions over the last few days have really been an eye opener for me. Not only do I not seem to know him at all anymore, but I'm also starting to think that I don't like what he's become.

Thanks ever so much Sun Addict x x

savingholmes

Glad you are socialising and have a good support network - it makes a good difference at a time like this

minniepoos_2

I'm being as sociable as I can - starting to worry that I'm gonna annoy my friends! I never have been that sociable before - I always preferred to spend my time with 'EXOH' so neglected my friends quite a lot. Glad and relieved to say they are all being so welcoming now, and I won't neglect them again.

My temporary bloke has had to go back to London suddenly, so our 2 weeks of fun has been cut very short. I'm very surprised at how upset I am about this, so it may actually be a good thing that he's gone already. It would have just hurt more if I'd fallen more. Still quite gutted though. But, I have quite a lot of plans over the next few weeks, seeing friends and family, so I'll have lots to take my mind off of it all. DD goes to Spain to stay with my folks this week for 6 weeks. I fly out in 4 weeks to spend the last 2 with them. I've managed to fill the weekends that I'll be alone, but the week nights are going to be very long. So far I have one curry night planned with the girls! I went to the cinema on my own last week, which I'd never done before. Felt very self-conscious, but did it, so might do it a lot over the 4 weeks.

The dog went to her new home on Saturday. This really got me down - I didn't even want a dog in the first place, but I didn't want her to go. I'm out at work all day though, and if this house ever sells DD & I will rent, so would have been very hard to find somewhere that lets you take a dog. Gonna be hard enough finding a nice place that'll let us take the cats.

On Saturday I popped into my old place of work, which I'd been avoiding as EXOH and 'her' spend a lot of time there. It was really great to see everybody again - they were all so nice, and I wish I hadn't stayed away so long.

EX is going to give me £350 every payday as maintenance. This also includes paying half the bills, but not paying the debts. It would be more, but the majority of the debt is in his name, so to make it so we both pay the same towards all of the debt we had to lower the amount he'll give me. Not sure if it made sense how I've written it, but I know what I mean!

He's a bit unhappy about how little spare money he's going to have once he's paid me, paid the debt payments and paid 'her' some board. I can't believe he's moaning about it to me - I can't remember the last time we had any spare money as a couple! I told him that perhaps he should have waited until our finances were better before shacking up with someone else. That went down well :rotfl:

Took DD shopping today - a little retail therapy before she flies out on Thursday. Got her a few nice things in the sales, and used a Spree voucher for a cheap Subway lunch. We're going to see Toy Story 3 tomorrow, then Pleasurewood Hills on Wednesday (using my Clubcard Deals of course!).

Almost payday for me (30th) so I'll be starting my new finances spreadsheet from then. Hopefully I'll be able to work out where I can save money again once I've recorded everything for a few months.

All my posts seem to be really lengthy at the moment. Once I start rambling I don't seem to be able to stop!

savingholmes

I wish I was a fly on the wall when you told him he should have waited until your finances were straighter then

minniepoos_2

Thought of a couple of other things I meant to put in that last post!

The car has been relisted on ebay. I hate time wasters! Fingers crossed we have more luck this time.

EX sold his tractor, so that helped us get though the month a bit. We must sit down together and get some more stuff on ebay.

I got my NHS exeption card though the post this week. Didn't expect it at all, and an amazed that I got something out of the government without having to request it in writing first! Very pleased though, as one of my molars has been crumbling away for about 6 months, and it's very painful but I've been putting it off because of the whole money situation. Might have to book an appointment asap.

I got a couple more skirts and a nice top in the charity shops in the city on Saturday. Then that evening I went through all of my clothes and have got rid of everything that's too big for me. I've taken it all to the clothing bank, but it's only left me with 14 things!

I'm enjoying looking and feeling healthier though.

minniepoos_2

savingholmes wrote: »

I wish I was a fly on the wall when you told him he should have waited until your finances were straighter then

I know! I think he was actually after some sympathy from me!