TPAs It started off as a 2009 NYR - time moves on - I need to be MF by mid. 2012!

Tesco_points_addict

I don;t know whats the matter with me lately, feeling low, hitting the over eating, over drinking, over spending self distruct button. Am not managing to 'control' anything at the moment. One minute I justify everything by saying how much we have saved the next i'm waking up in the middle of the night worrying about what will happen if we don't like the kitchen...it's not just the money, its the OMG this is costing a fortune and I will cry (literally) if when it all comes together it is not my dream kitchen.

I am pants, I don't do stress...it 'stresses me:o'.

I am already in a strop because I cannot find any more Mystery Shops for the rest of the week.

Sorry. Rant/strop/wobble over.

TPAx

gallygirl

Have you thought you may be overdoing it TPA? Didn't you stop working Mondays in your 'real'job to give you more time - yet you seem to be doing more & more shifts, plus as much MS as you can get. Your brain is in overdrive constantly as you don't give it a rest, you're not eating properly (how many times have you said you've grabbed a chocolate bar & rushed out?). You feel stressed so have more chocolate which gives you a high then a low, same with the alcohol. And even in bed you are probably churning things over in your head so you can't switch off.

I think you need to give yourself a break from MS and let your body & mind a chance to wind down. Think about why you're doing this - to give yourself freedom - but there is no point making yourself a prisoner to the treadmill in the meantime. You've paid off an incredible amount in a short period but you're treating it as a sprint - but it's a marathon (& not an Eddie Izzard tons of marathons on a couple of weeks!). Pace yourself hon, sounds like you've hit the wall.

So - give yourself a break & look forward to your lovely kitchen

:grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug: xxx

Radish72

Tesco_points_addict wrote: »

I don;t know whats the matter with me lately, feeling low, hitting the over eating, over drinking, over spending self distruct button. Am not managing to 'control' anything at the moment. One minute I justify everything by saying how much we have saved the next i'm waking up in the middle of the night worrying about what will happen if we don't like the kitchen...it's not just the money, its the OMG this is costing a fortune and I will cry (literally) if when it all comes together it is not my dream kitchen.

I am pants, I don't do stress...it 'stresses me:o'.

I ordered a new kitchen in June last year which due to the kitchen fitter being busy coudn't be fitted till October

I spent the whole time, worrying about every decision I made, that it would look awful, I would hate it, it woudn't match

Even when it was being fitted I still doubted it

I even got to the point of telling him not to fit the wall tiles as I hated the colour, the tiles looked blueish as they were stored in the porch, once brought into the house they warmed up and looked the creamy/beige they were supposed to be

Now I absolutely love it (although its messy as I have piled a lot of stuff on the dining table to sort through)

I think it just part of human nature to doubt ourselves plus the added worry of "but its all the money as well"

DansMum_2

You cant do everything..... The kitchen will be what it will be and I hope it is your dream kitchen. Dont berrate yourself.... xxx

setmefree2

TPA - a big hug from me




Tee hee

I think GG might be right - you might be over doing it....relax a little

gallygirl

Helloooooo, is anybody there????????



Hope you're ok TPA x

Tesco_points_addict

Thanks for your support everyone. I do this every now and again….have a wobble that is!

I suffer from depression and in the past I have let this creep up on me and not recognised the early symptoms, which in turn leads to a much longer recovery time. Although I truly believe it is something that I will never be cured of, I must learn to control it better. I find it much easier to dig my head in the sand and pretend everything is fine, than actually admit things are getting on top of me. I take antidepressants and most of the time I manage it really well but there are times like last year after my Dads accident that I wondered how I was going to cope.
Admitting you need help is a difficult thing to do, especially for a stubborn cow like me!:o
Having depression was something I used to be so ashamed of. But sooner or later when you live with it or someone with it, you realise it is an illness like any other, but there are no physical signs and some people find this very difficult to get their minds around. I remember the third person I told saying …… ‘You, really, surely someone like you doesn’t get something like that??’ I’m not sure what ‘sort of person’ he thought got something like depression but obviously not the fat jolly woman who is always ready with a joke/quip at her own expense.

One of the main reasons for paying off our mortgage is my mothers illness, she has a progressive neurological disease that due to its very nature becomes a little more debilitating for her each year. At present she copes remarkably well but I know at some point she will need extra care and I hope I can be strong enough to help out by staying with her at least two to three days/nights a week. She means the absolute world to me and the thought of not being able to help her at this important time frightens me. At least if we are mortgage free my time could be freed up and I could still have some normality in my own family life.

I have been taking on a lot lately but with M’Sing it’s a case of grab it while you can!:D I much prefer the flexibility of M’shopping compared to the hum drum and the politics that came with the job I used to do on a Monday. My ‘real’ job is very varied and each day brings a new challenge, the extra shift I refer to is paid via my ‘proper job’ but is something completely different, which although challenging in itself, can be very rewarding. I only have 7 weeks of this ‘extra shift’ left and then the funding is over until September. I know all this seems very cryptic but I am always weary of how much to actually say about myself on here for fear of being ‘outed’ by somebody in work! I believe this happened to GG in the past (she used to be someone else you know!:rotfl:).

I find everyone on this site so supportive and could not carry on with my ‘mammoth destined to fail tasks’ without you all:j. If I was ‘known’ I would find it very difficult to speak frankly about my experiences, especially as many of my friends are in a different place financially. It isn’t really something I could share with them.

My hubby doesn’t even know I have my own diary on here! Although, he is aware that I love Martin Lewis and MSE.:p:money:

So sorry for the mamouth post but somehow ‘sharing’ my problems with you all seems to take away some of the pressure.

Ok, major sulk/self pity carp over with.

Love to you all xxxxx

gallygirl

Tesco_points_addict wrote: »

I am always weary of how much to actually say about myself on here for fear of being ‘outed’ by somebody in work! I believe this happened to GG in the past (she used to be someone else you know!:rotfl:).

Yes, I used to be 6'2 with a beard & was called Trevor .

TPA I'm glad you can recognise the signs & hopefully adjust without getting any worse. Depression stinks - I, and many other people I know, have had it. I suspect you're a bit too hard on yourself - thinking 'it's ok for other people to get depression but not me, I'm TPA & I'm different'. That was how I used to feel (except in my case it was 'I'm Trevor & I'm different )

Best not to let OH know about diary - I had 'Kitchengate' after OH read mine :rotfl:. I too use this diary to vent & say things I wouldn't say elsewhere. If you want to [STRIKE]ramble on inanely[/STRIKE] talk more privately at any time feel free to PM me .

Do take care of yourself, your aspirations with regards to your mum are great - but you need to look after yourself if you want to look after her. Treat yourself sometimes xx :easter_ba

Tesco_points_addict

gallygirl wrote: »

Yes, I used to be 6'2 with a beard & was called Trevor .

That was how I used to feel (except in my case it was 'I'm Trevor & I'm different )

GG you have made me laugh out loud and cry all at the same time.

Thank you

TPAx

DansMum_2

Bless ya TPA you've been through it. I think I can understand the 'dark cloud' thing have been on the old happy pills myself and have had weeks lately where I cut my self off and wonder if I should go back on them again especially with the upheaval of the redundancy etc.

Treat yourself and be good to yourself and when you cant rant at us, its what we're here for..... xxx