little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

morning all

a very difficult time at the moment. My granny (on my dad's side, the one who keeps falling over) is very ill in hospital and not likely to last today. So the last couple of days have been a lot of urgent dashes to hospital 70 miles away at odd times and supporting my parents.

Her meds have been withdrawn last night and she is being made as comfortable as possible. She keeps rallying but it is only in response to a lot of short term medication or high percentage oxygen and neither are sustainable. She was seen by the doctors again yesterday afternoon and they have said it is very close now.

So the assessing of everything in my life is happening a lot earlier than planned, as I have spent a lot of time in the car. Work have been brilliant and I have been able to come and go as I need. I am in the office today to sort out some urgent bits that need to go out today, and Dad is with granny this morning. I am planning to head over to the hospital later this afternoon unless I get a call before that. Poor dad is knackered which is to be expected.

I have the dog this week and my ex hubby is being a complete !!!!!!! and won't help. So he is going straight to the bottom of the list of people who deserve my time and energy, I just cannot be bothered any more and I will not be going out of my way to help him as it just isn't reciprocated. Apparently he has a lot on his plate at the moment.... :mad:

I have booked tomorrow off whatever happens as the toing and froing is pretty exhausting. Mum and dad have very kindly given me some money towards the fuel which has helped a lot. I refused but it got slotted in my handbag as I turned round to leave yesterday :rotfl:

I went to the osteopath yesterday, very very painful and some long term problems to address. I was then early for my harp pupil's lesson - could have cancelled but was already on the way by going to the osteopath, and I am glad I went as he was on form and we had a great lesson.

In between the osteopath and the harp lesson, I went to the chip shop on the island and got a budget fish and chips for £2.70 and went to the beach for half an hour. It was wonderful. I am determined to make more use of free trips to the seaside this year and this was a great start, as I had never seen the area in the daylight! Plus budget fish and chips is very small which is perfect as I can never normally eat it all anyway, whereas this one didn't go to waste at all

So. Sad times but I am glad to be able to support my mum and dad. Spent some proper time alone with granny on Tuesday afternoon while she was able to talk and this was very precious. As for what comes out of this afterwards on the project life front, who knows?!

hypno06

Gosh, all sounds exhausting, draining, and yet in a way giving you some very positive opportunities for thinking and reassessing as well.

Take care xx

beanielou

Sorry to hear your news.
Take care.

little_h_2

Morning

Granny died yesterday around midday. So sad but she really was suffering by the end. Mum said it was pretty upsetting but inevitable. Dad was asleep when I rang both times last night so I hope he can catch up all his missed sleep.

We are worried about him even more than normal as he has been heading for another down episode again for a little while. I am leaning on mum for them to go away for a holiday after the funeral - with Easter holidays coming up (mum is a teacher) this would be a good time. Well, not a good time in that sense I guess but they really need the rest.

So they are doing all the paperwork/funeral stuff today.

I didn't have to go to the hospital in the end yesterday so was able to just get home and relax a bit. After the phonecall, the tiredness hit me like a wall so I am glad of today to take things steady.

It is a beautiful day outside so I will get some washing done and take the dog out in a bit. I need to pop into town for an hour or so (and resist shopping for non scheduled purchases) and then am off to take mum's dogs out for a stroll.

I also need to get some practice done for tomorrow's wedding. This will be a bit of a marathon as I am playing for the ceremony, drinks reception and meal. So will need to dig some extra music out today, plus stretch my arms lots tomorrow!

I bought a journal from Amazon the christmas before last, called the Soul Catcher. It's called a guided journal, so has lots of prompts for you to think about things. I finally made a start on this last night - couldn't sleep straight away, and one book I picked up had a guy with a name in which was not good for me at the present time, and the other was about being lonely and miserable, so I gave up on those.

I also spoke to one of my friends on the phone last night (picked one who I knew would answer!) and it was lovely to talk to her, just what was needed.

Off to face the washing mountain....!

choogirl

Sorry to hear about your Gran little_h but at least shes not in pain and suffering anymore. My Grandma is 92 and not in the best of health so I'm expecting to get a similar phone call as well at some point.

Take care xx

Wordsmith

Morning, Little-h. So sorry to hear about your gran. I do hope your dad is OK.

Best of luck for the wedding tomorrow. Get to bed early so you are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Try not to spend too much time analysing at the moment - you are doing wonderfully well, but the bereavement will probably not allow you to think things through logically, so just go with your emotions for the time being. "Truth will out" on how you feel about things in its own good time and the way forward will become clear. Keep ringing those friends, and force yourself to go to the bike meetings and other things - I know it's hard, but you will reap the rewards.

Enjoy the dog-walking!

beanielou

Sorry to hear your news.
Take care of you x

LittleBoots

Very sorry for your loss, sending love to you and your family x

Shoe_Gal

Sorry to hear your sad news, hope you're OK :A

little_h_2

Thanks everyone Dad has been sleeping most of the weekend but he got out on his bike yesterday to see one of his friends and we know this is good for him

rang him this afternoon to check he was still with us and had a good chat. I have offered to play at the funeral and this was grabbed with both hands by my mum and dad. It is a sad but nice project for me, my granny never heard me play sadly, but I know it will help my mum and dad. My mum's friend has now decided to come to the funeral as I will be playing for her daughter's wedding in January so mum and I had a good giggle about this! :rotfl:

it is a tricky time but in true _h family fashion (the H is my surname and gives rise to my nickname!), the gallows humour is in force.

I will be playing Abide With Me as there is a strong football connection in our family. This always brings a lump to my throat so will be a challenge, but the sentiment will be appreciated by all. I am glad we are not Liverpool supporters as You'll Never Walk Alone reduces me to a trembling shaking littleh every single time!

Mad March for the harp is now over, and my harp doesn't need to look at my car again until the funeral on 11th April. I have decided that April, rather than Awesome or Amazing, will be at least Assured.

Yesterday's wedding went well, the registrar said thank you for my playing which is practically unheard of. Normally they cut me off mid-bar which is a challenge! Despite the agony of the osteopath on Wednesday, something has happened as I got through yesterday and today without significant pain. I am very tight in places I shouldn't be :eek: but am more aware of this now.

I got massively caught out by the clocks today :mad: same as last year. But still made the wedding fair thank goodness. It was a good afternoon, and got a text to book me for a wedding in October from the agent who I was playing for. I had spoken to a couple (and their families) for a long time today, and they booked and requested me. So I am thrilled with this :j :j :j It's a weekday wedding so will need to get the day off work, but they were so lovely that I will be happy to do it.

Had a text from ex fiance today passing on his condolences about my granny. Sent a couple backwards and forwards but left it at that.

I needed a good laugh today, I know times are sad but just needed something to lift the tension a bit. My default film for this is Little Miss Sunshine but given that this film features a deceased grandparent in the boot of a car (!!!), I didn't feel it was quite appropriate at the moment (although it is beautifully done in the film and so, so touching and funny!).

Therefore I was :j to discover that Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was on BBC2 and I had got home just in time. This is a laugh out loud film for me, I saw it 3 times at the cinema when it first came out. I watched it lots with ex fiance too but it was just the ticket today.

Things are becoming clearer. I feel so sad, but also able to brush off the little stupid things that don't matter.

Back to work tomorrow, will be an onslaught of IT dramas no doubt, but with no counselling in the evening, hopefully I will be home by a sensible time subject to the A12 gods smiling on me.
xxx