little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

evening all. well, what a rollercoaster of a weekend I have had!

Manchester was amazing. Started off with a sickly dog on Friday morning bulked out his breakfast with some bread in the morning which he bolted down and then added some grass to. Sure enough, it came back up while I was in the shower! yuk! So was a bit late leaving.

Went to the war museum in the afternoon. It was a great trip, free to enter and I only paid for a trip up to the top of the tower to have a look over the quays, which was £1.20. Bargain. It was very moving as expected, but well worth the visit. I saw some old haunts and literally felt myself slipping back in time both inside and outside the museum.

The saddest bit was towards the end of the exhibits - there was a display detailing all the latest conflicts from the Gulf War in 1991, through the Balkan/Kosovo war, then the 9/11 and Iraq and then Afghanistan. All things that have occurred in my living memory and which I remember very clearly. There was also a letter written home from a soldier, saying that war solved nothing and had we learnt nothing from the past. All words which resonated strongly, and yet this letter was written in 1918.... very, very thought provoking.

Caught up with friends, saw my granny and my uncle. Did some window shopping in the Trafford Centre. the only damage was some perfume (bargain) and some fairy lights (Habitat sale). the lights look amazing and the perfume is divine, I have been lacking in perfume since before Christmas and I feel bare without it

I have kept the jeans and the boots and one of the jumpers, and will take everything else back. I have another wedding fair coming up at the end of the month which I will get paid to do, and have consoled myself that I can afford what I have bought and have got the best deal I could and will get maximum use of what I have bought.

Also went to the cinema - was hoping to see The Fighter but this wasn't on at a sensible time at the cinema near my friend's house. So went to see True Grit instead - I haven't seen the original but would really recommend this one, didn't think it was going to be very girly as it is a western really, but the central character is very plucky and a girl. I LOVED it. Sad in places, but generally very uplifting.

I am off to bed now. Work beckons tomorrow. I have had such a good weekend that I don't care about the piles of housework. And I am looking forward to going back to work! :eek: :eek:

Lastly (knew there was something I forgot to mention) - I have ended it with ex fiance. A few things happened last week and over the weekend which upset me and I can't deal with it any more. I feel lousy about the timing with his grandad, but needed to be clear about this with him.

In effect I came full circle while on the M6 :eek:. Last time I was in Corley services southbound car park, it was June last year and I was on the phone to the police trying to recover my 'missing' motorbike which was in ex fiance's landlord's barn, along with my V5 and bike keys :mad:. Today I sat there having left the past in the past, and looking forward to getting on with my life. And the bike is back safely in the garage. Hoping to get out on the bike this week and feeling the wind in my hair for the first time in too long.

Night all xxx

beanielou

Here's to the rest of your life

Shoe_Gal

Sounds like you've made a brave decision :A

I now want to go to the War Museum - am ashamed to say it's about 8 miles away and I've never been

Souk08

Hon, it sounds like a wise decision. Put you first and great things will happen XXX

mineallmine

little_h wrote: »

Lastly (knew there was something I forgot to mention) - I have ended it with ex fiance. A few things happened last week and over the weekend which upset me and I can't deal with it any more. I feel lousy about the timing with his grandad, but needed to be clear about this with him.

In effect I came full circle while on the M6 :eek:. Last time I was in Corley services southbound car park, it was June last year and I was on the phone to the police trying to recover my 'missing' motorbike which was in ex fiance's landlord's barn, along with my V5 and bike keys :mad:. Today I sat there having left the past in the past, and looking forward to getting on with my life. And the bike is back safely in the garage. Hoping to get out on the bike this week and feeling the wind in my hair for the first time in too long.

Night all xxx

Hello
Who'd have thought the M6 could be such a mystical life changing place! Popped to see how you are doing. Sounds like the ex is a sensible move. And funny how you never felt right whilst back with him.
So would you go back to the spa? They send me offers and its very tempting!

little_h_2

Thank you everyone.

I am not remotely wavering despite some emotional texts from ex. I know he is having a hard time but I just can't be there any more. I am not replying to them as I know that whatever I say won't be enough and he will try and draw me into a row or into getting back together

Had a really good counselling session last night, finally revisited the awful week last June when it all came to light. And talked about how things were going and how far I had come. I know there will be tricky times ahead but feel a lot more equipped to deal with them now.

mineallmine - I would definitely go back to the spa. I am glad it isn't far from home as I hope to use it to recharge my batteries for a couple of days if/when I need it. Bath was amazing but it was very expensive and a bit of a trek, so nearer and cheaper is good!

Work has been crazy the last couple of days but has been good in lots of ways. I now have my 2 days at home coming up :j

It's bike night at the pub tonight, but after so much time away/out the last few days, I haven't touched the harp and must get some practice done. But I will finally be going to the cinema with the film society tomorrow so hopefully that will be good.

I have had another BT offer so just need to sort that and then will feel more in control with money. House is a bomb site but I can do a bit over the next couple of days and on Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon I am off to see harp buddy and then Sunday we are doing a wedding fair together

The weekend after is the tricky orchestra concert on the Saturday. I really want to work hard on this piece, it is a tricky and very technical part, so want to do it justice and have a good positive experience in the rehearsal so I can try and enjoy the concert.

And then, on the Sunday, I have promised myself I can finally start the piece I really want to play and work on in Italy! But not until the concert is out of the way as I mustn't allow myself to get distracted :rotfl:

I'd best go, need to do some practice before Silk starts!

LittleBoots

Lots of hugs xxx

little_h_2

I have had a dreadful morning.

Went to the cinema last night as planned, the film was great - Quand J'Etais Chanteur (The Singer) starring Gerard Depardieu. It was very funny in places and also very poignant. I didn't know anything about how it would turn out, so thought it would be a funny film with a sad ending, but right at the last minute, it was happy (sorry for anyone who hasn't seen it and wants to!).

I cried on the way home. It made me realise how sad I have been for such a long time, and that relationships can be happy and turn out alright. I think you forget that if you have been in a bad relationship for a while or have a history of them!

So it was quite emotional. This was reflected in my dreams last night which were very strange and unsettling - the normal thing of knowing you are in a dream but not being able to get yourself out of it. So of course, I woke up still carrying that unsettlement today.

Then the postie arrived and has brought me another !!!!ing letter for ex fiance, another chasing one from McKenzie Hall. I am terrified that the letters won't stop and that I will get bailiffs round. I know my rights but I am still scared about having nasty people on my doorstep intimidating me in my house.

I texted ex to say, please sort it out again. He says he will ring CCCS again but whatever is happening, it obviously isn't enough. He said if I had gone round to his last week to look through all his paperwork I would see that he was doing everything he could. Erm, that didn't happen becuase you were in a state because of your grandad and didn't arrange a time for me to come. It is NOT my fault and I am NOT going to feel bad as a result! :mad: What a !!!!ing idiot!

I don't care if he reads what's on here!

So I was in a bit of a rage. Being generally mild mannered, I took my revenge by buying a bag of chips after I had been to the chemist to pick up some prescriptions, and taking them to the sea front where I ate them while watching the seagulls, who were most interested in my chips.

I had a lovely few minutes and feel a bit calmer. There was one scruffy looking seagull with messy feathers and he was a right shouty boy, didn't want to be friends with the others and squawked at them every time they came near him! It did make me laugh. It was windy and not sunny at all, but it released the tension and I felt better. I feel like I have run away, just for 10 minutes, and can hopefully keep that with me.

Plus I have Brownies later so there is no chance of being miserable when surrounded by 16 squawking 7-10 year old girls :rotfl:

So, for 95p I have had a life changing moment :j I will definitely remember that the next time I am feeling grumpy/in need of a treat. I have bought nice jeans now, I don't need to get into my wedding dress so don't need to worry about my weight really. Therefore the odd bag of chips at the seaside is not going to hurt!

I feel better now. Rant over. Moving on.....! :cool:

hypno06

Moving on indeed.....it is tough at times, for so many reasons, but it has to be worked through, and eventually you will get know where you want to be heading, and how you are going to get there.

Stay strong x

LittleBoots

What a lovely 95p moment . I know it sounds daft but I've always loved those little white Westie dogs and everytime I see one it makes me smile. Maybe only for a few seconds but I love to see them. Seeing two running about together is even better!!!

Damn right its not your fault about his paperwork, he is an adult is he not? Can understand your anxietys with the letters though so he better sort it out!