Buffy Cracks the Egg Diary 2010

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks Luc but I doubt I'd fit into anything the DCers wear. I have no idea what to go for. Its an extremely posh wedding. I am worried.

I am SO tired. meant to be going to out tomorrow. but ugh. Its going to a party full of people who have all the things I want (house, kids, husband) and I have instead work (MA, marking, house work). I have to go since its my best friend's(the best friend who knows nothing about my life!) party. And I should be grateful that I am studying. I do want the MA.

Am so fed up.with everything. Tried the doctors. that is a laugh.

think I am lonely and missing my old life, I feel like I have woken up and am quite surprised to find I don't have it anymore! I have been trying to do more - going out with my friends, I miss people from here too. I don't know I do have stuff to look forward to( the summer, Lille at Christmas). Cos of driving lessons I don't go out on fridays so I miss my friends. My other friends have kids so have no time. And I have work any way.

right I am just rambling now cos I am so sleepy. I need to go for my walk.

*snore*

xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Right well I went for my walk - after falling asleep for 1/2 an hour! I felt AWFUL. felt better once I started walking. much less full of self pity and more the slow realisation that staying up till one and getting up at six for work is not a way to live. Especially since I working for most of the time I am awake.

I am thinking after 1/2 term break I might walk to the station. I like walking. If I could get to work early enough I could mark before work and not have to bring home crap all the time.

It would also be an opportunity to get out of the lift to work - he is a lovely man but I think he may have a crush on me plus I need to lose weight.......... etc etc.

Must look at my list from a few pages back.

xxxx

katsu

Buffy,

Sounds a very good plan It is important not to always work at home. Surfing the net is far better

Buffythedebtslayer

I am also going to order the new weight watchers set of books, I have been trying to use the old ones but since they are about 4 years + old lots of the stuff I eat isn't in there. I have been using the card thing but like I said in my previous post I am at deathcon one here! serious intervention is needed!

As for the debt situation. At the end of this month I will £7823 in debt. If I pay off 1000 each month (as per list a few posts ago) then at the end of the year I will 1823 in debt.

That would be great BUT I have to redecorate the bathroom and pay at least 1000 towards the boiler fixing. Plus doing stuff to the garden and hiring a skip (1st week in August) and still pay for driving lessons. oh and sort out the carpet situation............

I got very upset last night, really angry at Mum and my life it was partly tiredness but there was also a lot of truth there. I know what I have I have to do. Now it is a case of doing it.

xxxx

elliemoo

Buffy I hope you have a good day. Could you be spreading yourself too thin, putting too much pressure on yourself to do too much. Just choose one item off your list and attack it with all your energy and then when you have completed it you will feel that you are getting somewhere.

Sometimes I feel really swamped by my life but then I have to step back and be very ruthless in my decisions as to what to do next. It is hard when you feel that you are plodding along but not really getting anywhere, like treading water.

You are very hard on yourself try and look for a positive even if it is very small it will make you feel good.

beanielou

Pity you dont have a crush back on the lift man.
Never the way though is it?

katsu

lou - I read that as pity you've not crushed the lift man!

Buffy - could we supply any accessories for your wedding?

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

Pity you dont have a crush back on the lift man.
Never the way though is it?

He is in his 60s! :rotfl:Thing is if he was younger and not married with various children I would go for him.

Katsu, I haven't a clue what I am wearing or even what suits me. I am going to see if I have any friends left(!) if one of them will come out with me to give me an honest opinion.

The reason why I may not have any friends left is that I didn't go to the party - it was a special party, I know everyone there, they are ALL in pairs with children and/or a house and I could not face another evening like it. It just brings home to me how much the life I wanted has gone and this life - although it does have its perks it is mostly lonely and these days with my group I do feel excluded. I am sure if I sat down and told them about the debt they wouldn't all judge me and would understand why I live at home. But equally many wouldn't understand so it is easier if I stay away at times. I feel guilty but there you go.

off for my walk and to get chips a bottle of wine and maybe some ice cream(my last blow out pre diet)................. I am feeling loads better compared to earlier.

see you later

xxxx

beanielou

Can see where you are coming from.
OK I have the house(at the mo), DS, blah blah but all my friends are in couples and have their own lives at night & at weekends.
I can never afford to do anything anyway & never have enough spoons top do anything anyway.xxxxx

katsu

Buffy - as we grow up and our life evolves our friends change. My friends with kids have less to do with us as we are childless. We just don't have the things in common.

How can you make this life less lonely? Are you going to be able to come to Bristol for Ames get-together? It would be so lovely to meet you.

BTW - I've started a diary too but put it in MFW as I figured it is really an MFW diary. I hope some of my DFW friends will visit me there