Buffy Cracks the Egg Diary 2010

beanielou

Buffy~Big huggles hun xxx

urg123

Buffy

It's so hard for you - I know that you are always thinking of your mum and it must be so hard to not even feel appreciated.

I don't think you need to worry about appearing petty here - your mum does seem to favour your sister but I wonder if part of the reason is that your sister is able to build a better relationship with her because she lives away. You are always there - and your mum has got used to that and she doesn't treat you as a guest.

This diary is about you but I do wonder whether your mum is relying on you too much. Does she have friends and relatives nearby that she can visit/visit her?

It must be so hard to know that the break is coming up and you'll have to spend it at home. If you fancy it, you are welcome here for a few days.

take care of you.

urg x x

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello all

I think the situation at home will always come up especially when I am knackered at the end of term. I should go to the drs but now when I have time off I just don't feel that bad, even tonight I am tired but I am so happy not to be going to work tomorrow.

I MUST use the next two weeks to get my !!!! together.

I was going to write loads but too sleepy! thank you so much for the kind words. I wish I wrote well enough to explain fully what it means to me.


Love Buffyxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Right first day of the holidays.

my plans for these holidays are pretty much weather dependant.

so here is the list - no laughing at the back please!

1. My bedroom

- organise my ever increasing book collection - some on Green met
- ditto cds and dvds - music magpie
- file paperwork for school and banking.
- clothes - need to go through the night wear and underwear !!!!
- Guinea pigs - hmmm. need to work a place to keep them, their cage is so big!

2. Bathroom
- de clutter the shelves
- dig out the old seal
- take front off the bath
- check feet of bath for water damage.
- dry out bath for a few days (!)
- use expanding foam, sealent and tape stuff to re seal bath.
- sand and paint walls.


3. Conservatory
- trip to recycling place to get rid of stuff
- general dust and tidy of shelves and plants.
- make decision about Avon..... and start listing the stuff on e bay.

4. General house stuff
House plants - gather up and re pot/rescue plant cuttings
Coat rack - sort for charity
shoe rack - like wise
soak shower in vinegar and bicarb.
inventory the food cupboards.
build Mum's chest of drawers.


5.Garden
dig flower bed
buy raised bed
sort out memorial garden for pets.
plant roses
dig some of fish pond
tidy and weed front garden
plant long lasting miracle plants that don't die and thrive on neglect!

Buffythedebtslayer

Also the other thing I hope to do is sort out my money stuff, I have far too any cc and bank accounts I don't need. I am tired of A and L. Just one one account for my wages, which the bills will come out of, one for savings with free tumble weeds, one for spending money.

and two CCs for emergencies. sound reasonable?

Shoe_Gal

All sounding good Buffy - but remember to havbe some 'me time' too

Lula-Hula

Buffy my lovely,

I know how much you want to do the right thing for your Mum, and I admire you for it but you are not being fair to yourself & I wonder just how long you intend to give up your own life in favour of you mother, 5 years, 10 years, 20 ? Are you prepared to wake up one day & realise that you are now 73 & your life & so many opportunities have passed you by ?

I agree that family is important, but more important than you ? Is this really the life your Dad would have wanted you to have ?

As to not visiting the doctor because when you have the time you miraculously feel better, rubbish. I did this for months after my mum died & I was too busy taking care of my family. Who was taking care of me ? You are storing up future ill health by not getting the help you need & deserve now.

I dont mean to sound harsh or judgmental but by encouraging your mother to be so dependent on you, you are really not helping her to enjoy & make a new life for herself & are simply burying your own feelings & fears by being busy caring for her.

I say this with care & empathy as I have been there & want you to value your own life & right to happiness.

Never forget how F Fabulous you are :A

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I have thought about that, Lula, honestly i have and it terrifies me. I worry as I am 34 now and wonder will I ever have kids myself? I am only one of my sisters who ever wanted kids. I can't afford my own house and I have at some of my debt because of my family. I don't met men because who the hell would date some one who still lived at home?

I do the things I do because there is no one else to do them. I hate feeling like such a doormat and as though the best years of my life are going by. Until I am out of debt I have very little choice. My Dad would not have wanted this. He would want me to be married and he certainly would expect my sister to do more.

In my darkest moments I think it will be my life and that will be it. In lighter moments I realise that this is my choice and I can re choose when I need too. If it gets bad I can change things.

Hence the Florida plan. My debt *should* be paid by the end of this year, which gives me a year to save up for travelling around America, something I have put off for years. My other sister would have to step up then.

In the mean time I have made a point of going out with my friends more and trying to say yes to things. Also this holiday is a time to get the house more sorted then it has been. I am trying to get the balance right, cut down my hours at work and see more of my friends.

thank you for caring xxxxxxx

makeup

Buffy - Lula has some great advice. I've never been in a similar position as yourself so can't give much advice or suggestions but I have to say....

That list is MASSIVE! How long is your Easter hols?? I'm sure when i was at school it was only 2 weeks????

I wouldn't mind if it was all small easy things but you've got big jobs on there!!!!! Some of that sounds like hard work and also the kind of job you think will take 1 hr and ends up taking all afternoon!

Maybe work out what the essentials of the list are and then make a decision on the rest, later on in the hols based on your progress.

Don't forget that you live a very busy and stressful life in termtime and it is important to use your holidays for some R&R.

Take care and happy easter!!!

(I hope you've set aside some time for some creme egg eating???)

Lula-Hula

Glad to hear you have an escape plan & that it is just for you .

I do appreciate just how duty bound you feel & were it not for my DD & getting that new job I would probably be where you are now as regards not having a 'valid' enough reason to step back :eek:.

I cannot tell you just how many times my Dad told me that he felt my sister was exempt from having to do various things just because she had a husband :mad:. Fortunately she does not agree.

At only 34 you have still have much time to have children, 7 do many many things for yourself. Yes, sometimes life does seem very very bleak, but other days I remember that we never know just how long we have ourselves or with our loved ones so just try to get over it. Much the same as I did about not being the next Aretha Franklin, Supermodel etc etc :rotfl:

Thank goodness for MSE & especially DFW :j

night night sweetie

xx