Buffy Cracks the Egg Diary 2010

Shoe_Gal

Hi Buffy

How are you feeling? Take care :A

Buffythedebtslayer

OOO I haven't been here in a while. I have been working three evenings a week at my other job so haven't had a lot of time in the last couple of weeks. The extra money is (finally:o)going to buy the guinea pigs a new cage.

In other news it is half term this week and I am very glad I made it! This time last week I was waiting for the head to turn up to do an observation (not sure if I mentioned it on here?) I had spent the weekend terrified that he was going to be awful and when I say terrified I mean I slept for maybe 3 hours Sunday night and was so upset Monday morning. (I know this seems an extreme reaction but other people(and me last year) have had a very hard time after Obs). Anyhow for what ever reason I am not on their radar this year and did ok in the feedback. It was a massive relief. I feel like I have erased the stuff from last year and now have the chance to change the way I see work.

I know I resent the management. I understand they have "high" standards but I am slowly realising that a lot of the stuff they talk about is a pretence, actually nothing has changed. They do dress things up and sometimes they outright lie. As a normal human in a job you can't win! You are used as part of their proof and tick boxes, you aren't actually a person and truthfully it doesn't matter what you are doing - its all subjective and dependant on the tick boxes.

Its the same in a lot of jobs I suspect, I feel very naive really. I never really thought about it before. Anyhow my point is that I do enjoy my actual job and having been looking for a while there isn't another one out there so I had just better make the best of it.Do the job so that it works for me and makes me feel good. Keep out of trouble and try not to let the stuff that is happening to my friends affect me. This week will be spent catching up and planning. The house stuff will wait till the Easter break.

I had the best start to half term ever, with Bunny's party (daily chat meet). It was amazing to see all those women who have had such an impact on my life in one room, I haven't laughed so much in ages and I am so glad I went - I would recommend going to a meet to anyone!

My friend had some bad news, in fact some devastating news. Her Mum died very suddenly on Friday. She is a close friend and she has her own family (OH and two kids) but her Mum was her only family growing up so it is hugely sad. I don't know how she will be managing. I know she will manage. It is the whole thing of wanting to take thier pain away.

I don't really know what to do to be honest. I was fairly rubbish when my best friend's Dad died. When my Dad died I just didn't want everyone around me there was too much to do and sort out, I only spoke to a couple of friends. I know everyone is different. I might drop a card off perhaps? If she wants to see me she can and if not I can post the card through the door.

So in summary I feel better about my life but the lives of those around me are having it tough. 2010 has been horrible for so many people.

Plan for today

nothing. aside from ordering the Guinea Pig cage!

(George you'd better be reading this!!)


xxxx

hypno06

For what its worth, I think you are spot on with the way you are looking at your job going forward. It is just a shift in perspective that is needed from time to time, and it looks like that has happened for you.

Re your friend - you know yourself that nothing anyone says or does can make things better, when all they want is their mum/dad back. The best thing, I reckon, is to say "you know where I am when you need me......whether day or night, to vent, cry, do your shopping for you, look after the kids so you can run away for a couple of hours, just let me know.....and I'm not just saying that in a *I don't really know what to say* manner, I'm saying it as a friend who cares, and who honestly means it".......

There are plenty of people who will say "if there's anything I can do, just shout" but of course you know that they are either just saying it because they can't think of anything else to say, or because they know the person won't actually pick up the phone to them, so they are off the hook......by saying "I really do mean it" making it clear that you are there for them to do whatever, whenever, that makes a big difference.

boredofbeingathome

Yes, i think you hit the nail on the head with senior management Buffy. I also know it is because you care about standards that you have caused yourself to not sleep well. I admit to feeling the same in the past- but nowadays am very fond of mentioning unions at the drop of a hat, oh and i do like my metaphors so like to get a few of those in to senior management.

As in one pupil i work with is fond of accusations-One teacher has already lost their job through inaccurate/unfounded things- so i note down everything said and any feedback from the parent to SMT- i can then point back to daily report and i say things like- I am not falling on my sword for that pupil- i expect back up and i report everything to my union rep...works wonders that does

But that's just my little bug bear- well done for your positive appraisal.:)

And i would just say to your friend that when she is ready you will be there to listen- no agenda, just listen. I am sure she will appreciate that and let her come to you on her own terms- that way you won't worry about whether or not you are doing the right thing. Everything has it's own natural course to take and i am sure she is overwhelmed with things at the moment.

Also you all looked like you were having fun at Bunny's party and that is a lovely thing to say about meeting up with folks- one day i will get myself to a meet...

Bob x

elfen

Buffy, re your friend. I think the best thing is to give her a card but put your number ot just let her know if she needs to talk that you'll be there for her.

GeorgeUK

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Plan for today

nothing. aside from ordering the Guinea Pig cage!

(George you'd better be reading this!!)

I, reading it, I'm not believing it, but i'm reading it

I think as long as your friend knows you are there for her, that's all you need to get across. Just knowing might be enough.

Hope things turn around and pick up for everyone soon. Glad the job isn't going to cause you a meltdown.

Now, i know i say you should cut back on lists, but can you please list everything you've done today that you said you weren't going to do!!

Buffythedebtslayer

GeorgeUK wrote: »

I, reading it, I'm not believing it, but i'm reading it

I think as long as your friend knows you are there for her, that's all you need to get across. Just knowing might be enough.

Hope things turn around and pick up for everyone soon. Glad the job isn't going to cause you a meltdown.

Now, i know i say you should cut back on lists, but can you please list everything you've done today that you said you weren't going to do!!

:rotfl::rotfl:

Well I farmed LOADS more then is good for anyone! did all my surveys and cleared out old e mails and some documents,

Nope seriously that is it, watched TV, stayed in bed till lunchtime:o:o:o read, surfed, watched Valkyrie (movie) watched TV some more. got horrible anxious feeling for no reason (everything ok with you?) and am now watching Supernatural and wishing for chocolate!

Tomorrow insane lists will be back.

xxxx

boredofbeingathome

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:

Well I farmed LOADS more then is good for anyone! did all my surveys and cleared out old e mails and some documents,

Nope seriously that is it, watched TV, stayed in bed till lunchtime:o:o:o read, surfed, watched Valkyrie (movie) watched TV some more. got horrible anxious feeling for no reason (everything ok with you?) and am now watching Supernatural and wishing for chocolate!

Tomorrow insane lists will be back.

xxxx

Well choccie and Supernatural go together rather well;) Or is it just me who has *those* thoughts:o:rotfl:

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning all

I am rubbish at staying in bed. Back is KILLING me!

Have been listening to Radio 4 - its really interesting (watches as all readers and crediability drift away)

The programme I was listening to was about a woman who had bi-polar, she was probably in her 30's maybe. Her husband and her were discussing how the illness affected their lives and families. I felt desperate for them really. I mean her highs and lows lead to her being sectioned. To have to section your own partner must be completely heartbreaking.

They seem to be managing at the moment - the end of the interview was quite positive. it really struck me that you really can't get through big things in your life alone(I know that sounds quite obvious!). I really wish you could but ultimately part of being human is needing humans! The couple were saying how they managed on their own but then she said - no what about your parents (and then friends etc(it was as though they only just remembered). However much people think they can do it on their own when you look back there is always someone there, a stranger, a friend. My family and most of my friends are in pairs and I do think of myself as being on my own. It is part of my identity but really I am SO lucky and blessed to have so many friends and my Mum and my sisters, I mean yesterday when I felt awful all the messages on my facebook all that kindness. It was good to know I wasn't alone.

Now Woman's Hour is on! all about Will power. Interesting.

List for today

1. go to bed early
2. change sheets
3. hoover
4. unpack parcels
5. file for 15 minutes
6. go to work at 4pm- 8
7. mark a set of books.
8. eat pancakes
9. spend at least 15 minutes filing work.
10. make the Lent plan.

The Willpower discussion is very interesting. I don't have any willpower. "if people dont actually change their behaviour then their past becomes their future."

One woman said if she wants something done she will just do it. Hmmm. I do say to the kids if they want something badly enough you will do it, but the key is wanting it badly enough. I.e I wanted to go to Uni so I did, I wanted to be be a teacher so I did. I want to be out of debt and that is actually happening - debt not gone up in two years and is currently 10500 (not bad from 24040)

Its driving and losing weight I haven't cracked yet.

going to have breakfast now see you all later xxxxx

sallyx

ahem.....I think you might just have mentioned weight