Buffy Cracks the Egg Diary 2010

makeup

Hugs Buffy.

Hope you manage to get some decent rest over this weekend so you can recharge properly.

xx

GeorgeUK

Hugs to you Buffy.

Glad you were able to resolve some things with your mum.

Try not to wear yourself out though.

Buffythedebtslayer

Resolve is probably a while off yet, but it helped at the time. Today however I have a headache (Mum hates seeing me cry and I never do so I stopped before I was finished if you get my meaning - Ideally as self indulgent as it sounds I would have liked to cry myself to sleep, but I would have felt like I was walking out on Mum so didn't) The house is too hot and I feel rubbish. There is a strong possibility of goingto bed to fix my head but I need to clean the GP's out - I figured out how to fit a bigger cage in my room Yay! and have been doing extra shifts so it should be affordable!

ermmmm. what else? nope don't know. Money wise I thus far have four hundred pounds to over pay the loan but am not going to do it yet in case of emergencies. not quite the amount I was hoping for but have spent on things I shouldn't cos I was miserable. need to think about that.

xxxxx

hypno06

Have some ((hugs)) for the weekend x

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok, finally the headache has gone!!

Today's plans are

1. visit pet shop to see what cages they have (been looking on e bay for weeks and the one I want hasn't come up. I feel terrible for the gps as they have been stuck in a small cage for too long now. currently the guilt got to much so I have set the run up permanently - at least they have more space in there.

2. Mark one set of books and prep for tomorrow.

I am really hating my job at the moment and can't seem to snap out of the cycle. I do want to make things right there but know the way management run things it just simply isn't worth it. I can see things changing, behaviour getting worse people struggling and there is nosupport what so ever.

Still 0 jobs tho so I MUST find a way to make this work for me.

Any how I should do the fish tanks the poor neglected fish tanks but not going to. will be stressing about work all day I expect.

Its half term from Friday and Bunny's party Saturday which I am really looking forward to and this week the rest of the dept are on a trip so the week should be managable.

Just tell me repeatedly that I must work in Half term I am simply not getting enough done and I know that is because I am depressed but it is such a vicious circle.

crikey I was hoping to be more positive today with out the headache but thinking about work has nearly made me cry.

Oh dear. sorry readers xxxx

Shoe_Gal

Hi Buffy

Sounds like you need an 'I love Buffy' Sunday - do something lovely, just for you

urg123

Hi Buffy
Perhaps you can try something that I did when I got stresses. I used to set a timetable for the holidays - I worked in the morning and spent the afternoon playing and doing the things I wanted to do. You can swap the am pm as you like but you can at least get a couple of hours done per day.
Sending you hugs.
Urg x x

beanielou

Dont be sorry Buffs,only 4 days to go.

Buffythedebtslayer

I can't sleep so I am still marking. I cannot do this. seriously contemplating not going in tomorrow. I feel so stupid SO STUPID.

I have no idea what is wrong with me or how the hell I am supposed to fix it. I am unhappy in a way I have never been before. Nothing makes me feel better for long. I put off doing everything I should do and do stuff I don't need to do. I want to stop doing this to myself but at the moment I am stuck in this pattern. I hate myself for it, all this stress is because of me. I put myself in this position. I can't even really blame work.

I feel as though I can't breathe. let alone sleep. I know people are in worse situations and I try to think of the good things. but I am tired of trying so bloody hard to get somewhere and finding myself in exactly the same place.

I don't even know what I am typing now.

I wish I could cry and feel better but I won't let the tears come.

xxx

urg123

Buffy my love,

it sounds like you really do need to have that cry and release. It might also help to talk to smeone about how you are feeling. If you can't get to the GP maybe you can give Samaritans a go - they are a wonderfully kind listening ear. They can't make it go away but talking does help.
Sending lots of hugs and love

urg x x