Sallyx's Sink or Swim, Swimerdy Swim Diary ;)

Ames

Hi Sally, just caught up on the last few days.

My dad had to work away for a while when we were kids, my sister was a bit younger than B and really struggled, she thought that he was coming home every night after she went to bed. I know it's different in that your ex isn't coming back at all, but I think B just needs time to adjust and that once she's got used to talking to him on the phone, and when he's been back to visit and gone again a couple of times she'll get used to the new routine.

I'm so jealous about the iphone though! Once I've got a new sofa I think I might turn my virtual change jar into an iphone savings pot... in about 5 years when I have enough they'll probably be dirt cheap! I'm glad you treated yourself, you deserve and need it.

sallyx

Feeling really Meh tonight, Mum has been around all weekend for company and while its been nice to have someone to talk to I think its made it harder having the emptiness again.

So very sad too for my sister and concerned the awful death of her puppy really might send her over the edge..she really was like a child to her, and its the happiest Ive seen her for years.

NOTE for all those wanting to spend money....it really really doesn't make you feel better or fill the gap. After my splurge yesterday there is a huge part of me that wishes I had just saved the money

Ames

I think it depends why you spend the money. I'm feeling like that a bit after my recent splurge, but I think once the clothes and things get here and I go out knowing I look better it'll give me more confidence and I'll get a real boost. I'm sure you'll feel the same with the new underwear. And the iphone is so useful - you can use it to listen to music when you're running (not that I know much about that, but listening to Linda and Snaggs it helps), and it's got so many useful functions it serves as about 10 gadgets in one. I think if you hadn't spent, you'd have end up so miserable about never spending anything on yourself that you'd have splurged anyway, and probably on carp that's not as useful or good as the stuff you got yesterday.

If you're spending as an emotional crutch then yes, it doesn't help, but I don't think that's what you were doing. You were making a start on a 'new' you (much like I am) and looking to the future. Maybe that's why you feel bad, which is totally natural and to be expected and part of the whole grieving process.

Hope that made sense...

Buffythedebtslayer

Hey Hon,

Change is generally horrible even nice change can be bloody stressful.

And as for the Iphone, are you Catholic? All this guilt woman, honestly its a phone, (apologies for the next bit) Your hugely stupid !!!!!! of oh has had all that e bay money you worked SO hard for you work hard ALL the time Sally. please give you self a break you deserve a break so badly.

He has sat on his !!!! and been a complete !!!!!! and done sod all for months. Oh God it makes me so mad. you have got through this far and your iphone is a small reward, when did you last have new clothes? a hair cut? when in hell did you last NOT think about a budget or how anything you do effects B?

I hate to say it but no, nothing will fill the gap Sal Its hard and bloody painful and if I knew a spell to take it a way I would do it in a heart beat.

But some how these horrible painful times do pass and you get used it.

We love you and admire you so much. be sad cos its hard and you are right to be but don't beat yourself up over the flipping phone. you needed a new phone you have wanted one for AGES and you deny yourself pretty much everything

Love you lots

Buffs xxxxx

hypno06

If you are anything like me, your emotions will be all over the place right now.....one minute positive and making plans for the future, the next with that black cloud back over you, not knowing what on earth is going on....

But that is just normal......well, I hope it is, anyway, because that's how I am. Last weekend I felt absolutely pants. This weekend I feel absolutely fine. Nothing has changed.....not really.....but the two weekends couldn't feel more different. And of course who knows what next weekend will feel like!

It takes time......but we have time, and we'll get through the tough times.

I have a fridge magnet that says "tough times never last, tough people do".

Mind you, next to it is a magnet that says "when the going gets tough, the tough get chocolate"......hmmmmm!!

beanielou

Great post Buffy.

sallyx

Thanks Buffy, you are totally right but now I need to set myself some targets, budgets, put money aside. I think I feel guilty because I should really pay the debt off first then think about spending, but I got carried away. Going to stick a few more things on ebay tonight in the hope of making a few pounds.

Hypno...thats exactly how it is...so up and down for no reason!

Ames

I totally agree with Buffy. I'm going to be blunt here, but for the last few months when I've been doing my budget I've been thinking 'Sally has the same food budget as me but for 3 people, why can't that lazy b****** get of his behind and do something for his family, how can he let his wife, and especially child, go without'. Fair enough if there were no jobs, but from what you were saying he wasn't even looking! And then when you said he'd come and just asked for a few hundred... You deserve to treat yourself a bit now. I'm not saying forget about the debts and stuff, just even out the penury of the last few months with a bit of relaxed spending now. A month or two off from debt busting isn't much in the grand scheme of things.

LouiseJ

Sally, when I feel down this really helps........feel free to tell me to shut up though

If I am feeling really low I say (out loud or it doesnt work as well)......."Lou, you are feeling low/!!!!!!/tearful right now but it will pass soon".

Once I say that it usually lifts me a bit knowing that it will pass as it always does and there will be an end to feeling like this.

Or perhaps I am just slightly on the M side of mental:o

spud30

Sal, so sorry to hear about your sister's puppy hun xx