Sallyx's Sink or Swim, Swimerdy Swim Diary ;)

Bunnyinthelights

Ah Sal, I'm sorry, I wasn't having a go, honestly. I'm sorry it came out so harshly. I will call and talk to you because my written word is not conveying what I want to say. I love you dear friend. Sorry x

Wol2

Oh Sal hun ...I;ve been lurking here the last couple of months and reading your posts....:grouphug:...you;ve done absolute bloomin wonders .....well done you :T:T

Can no longer read and run.........This might come out all wrong - but I'll have a go anyway

Our thinking "common sense" minds evaluate someone close to us as they actually "are" i.e. impact on us (often in terms of how little we get by way of support) ....but our hearts see what we "imagined" they were/could be in terms of making us "whole"...(I.e. The dream)

There is a balance - and that changes every day between "the dream" and "the reality" depending upon the cirumstances/events of the day. But one day the balance finally gets "stuck" ..there is too much factual information (negative for us ) for it to right itself courtesy of the emotional pull.(seemingly positive for us)..and the seesaw finally ends up weighed down on one side

So....Our minds make a rational decision based upon the here and now seesaw/facts..:cool:..but our hearts can not let go "the dream" so quickly...:o..and will keep coming back to challenge/undermine our conscious decision by ignoring the facts and saying "what if"...desperately trying to convince us that the seesaw can be put back to it;s original state :wall::wall::wall:

BUT......Look at the facts...(and only YOU know the real facts) ..I can only quote what is here "they seek solace in other partners when the **it hits the fan"

You woke up and "smelled the coffee".....you have tried your very best to work hard towards your dream..at great emotional expense to yourself....but to no avail....And now you have had the courage (and I DO mean courage....in spades....scuse the MSE spade pun :rotfl:) to act on the the perhaps dawning reality .........YOU and YOUR emotional well being actually DO matter:T:T

Your emotions need time to catch up with reality Hun..they are still under the (mistaken?) impression you have left "the dream"..........

Sigh....sniffle..............those "what if's" are always hard :grouphug::grouphug:

Stay true to yourself. Sal Hun...no one will say it's going to be easy these next few weeks......it won;t. By all means feel lonely ...by all means question your decision.....and then come on here for support and hugs and everything ..but STAY STRONG IF YOU KNOW IT'S RIGHT FORYOU!!..

So if it helps....carry on thinking about what "might have been"....but surely you also need to remember that it would only work if HE were a different person to who he has actually turned out to be........Unfortunately you can;t change him..ONLY HE CAN CHANGE HIMSELF.....so you can ONLY dream......but sadly a dream is not reality

Please don;t over-rule the decision you have made for the sake of a possibly unattainable "dream"......it's hard I know ...but your friends here are behind you and supporting you 150% :T

Chez Wol is here if you and B fancy a break away from it all

Onwards and upwards Hun...

Much love and guinea piggie kisses
xxxx

sallyx

Thank you Wol...Ive printed that off and shall read it daily. You are very very right, just need my stupid heart to let go of the dream! Lets face it the reality was miles and mile away from the dream and I need to remember that when I feel sad!

Had a good nights sleep actually and although I woke up at around 3am then 4am and 5am for good I don't feel too bad today. Off for a run after I have dropped B at school then I have a million things to do before I go into school this afternoon. Haven't heard from OH this morning or really last night (after he called to say goodnight to b) which has actually been easier for me but know he will call to speak to B at some point.

Anyway onwards and upwards and my cheque from Egg clears today....dear god please stop me from buying an iphone....I WANT one so much but have to keep telling myself I need to keep the money for better things.

hypno06

Right - you have money that you may not have got otherwise, so is a bit of a bonus.

You are having a crappytime and need a pick me up.

For once, you can afford the i-phone. Buy it, enjoy it, and then be sensible with the rest.

Besides, you are encouraging me to buy a handbag.........pot...kettle :rotfl:

beanielou

Another vote for the i phone here.

sammy115

and me.......

redsquirrel80

Hope you had a good run, glad you're feeling a bit better today. Ummm I'll sit on the fence re the iPhone

Bunnyinthelights

*peeks in to see if she is still wanted*

sallyx

Of course I still want you Bun Bun...you are only saying what is true.

Still undecided on the iphone so going to hang fire for themoment and wait until I have all benefits and budgets in place. I do need to pay off the 1 last debt but can't do that yet. Ideally I want to sell a bit more on ebay and make £100 towards it then I won't feel so bad about spending themoney

Bunnyinthelights

I think that is a wise decision re. iPhone Sal.

*MUST STOP BEING SO BOSSY*

Hey-are you still wanting to come visit the Mullershire???? House free just for you!!!