Sallyx's Sink or Swim, Swimerdy Swim Diary ;)

Bunnyinthelights

Hypno-I really connected with what you said in your post about 'losing who you were'. I have felt like that so many times and it made me sad. I guess because I have/had? such a 'strong' personality and LOVE to be alone, I miss it terribly. I know that sounds completely selfish but I really miss 'me' time.

However, I digress...

Sal-why not write XOH a letter? You dont even need to send it but just writing down how you feel and have felt may help? It works for me (especially when VERY angry as I lose the plot then and just rant and scream!)

Write a list down of all the things that you disliked about XOH or that upset you, hurt you and why you feel you aren't together now...read them through then destroy it-no need to dwell on the hurt and sadness but at least remind yourself of why the relationship ended.

Nothing is written in stone, if you BOTH wanted to work on things, you could but that would entail forgiving and leaving the past in the past. Are you able to do that? Do you want to? This was a mutual decision Sal-you didn't kick him out.

sallyx

I know nothing is written in stone...I need to get a grip and wake up to reality of what our marriage became to.

Im dreaming of that infamous and totally unrealistic happy family...it never was like that and what makes me think that it ever will be even if we were to try and work things out.
He never wanted to do things like I did
Would spend hours sitting at his computer playing games
Took little interest in lots of things that we did, and rarely helped such as allotment, running
Has no friends and was awful in socialising, which in turn has stopped me from going places as a couple and inviting friends to ours as I was often embarrassed by his lack of social skills!
Never took pride in his appearance...*sigh*
never wanted to better himself and the life that we had

I know no-one is perfect and I probably overlooked all of these things when we met as you do because its all new and exciting...over the years though they have driven me mad with frustration. I know I have been a cow bag, and he's just different to me and thats where it ends really, we have grown apart and want different things out of life.

kezia_jay

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past"

Hi, Sally,
your signature is so apt for your situation, maybe you should recite it as a mantra when you are feeling particularly down.

I really feel for you. You are having to endure all the sad stages of your situation, but I hope for your sake you don't have to endure each stage for too long.

From the above post it doesn't seem as if you had a great deal in common with your OH.

You seem to be such a special person I'm sure you won't be alone for too long even if such thoughts are far from your mind at the moment.:A

Hugs to you and Bea.

bank_of_slate

Sally, Once you and B have settled into a new routine and your OH has settled into a new routine you'll hopefully find that you get on better than ever which will be great for everyone.
...Linda xx

Bunnyinthelights

Sal-
Reading your list highlights to me that you don't seem to have a great deal of respect for XOH or that you really don't actually LIKE him!

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh but if someone I was married to used your description to describe ME I would run for the hills, who wants to be with someone they don't actually LIKE?

Shoe_Gal

Hi

Nothing to offer except the hope that you are starting to feel a little better? :A

sallyx

Bunnyinthelights wrote: »

Sal-
Reading your list highlights to me that you don't seem to have a great deal of respect for XOH or that you really don't actually LIKE him!

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh but if someone I was married to used your description to describe ME I would run for the hills, who wants to be with someone they don't actually LIKE?

Can't really explain it but well I guess when you've been let down, cheated on numerous times its hard to actually like or respect the person that he's turned into or turned me into. Yes its partly my fault because if I wasn't going to forgive him then I should have just walked away then..guess in reality its harder to forgive than you think
It's not that I don't like him its that I don't like whats he's done, not done

Ah I'll just shut up, what do I know my brain is mush

Shoe_Gal

sallyx wrote: »

Can't really explain it but well I guess when you've been let down, cheated on numerous times its hard to actually like or respect the person that he's turned into or turned me into. Yes its partly my fault because if I wasn't going to forgive him then I should have just walked away then..guess in reality its harder to forgive than you think
It's not that I don't like him its that I don't like whats he's done, not done

Ah I'll just shut up, what do I know my brain is mush

Makes sense to me I believe that you can continue to love somebody without actually liking them! Love is an emotional thing which we can't always control, whereas liking somebody is more of a rational, controlable reaction based on their behaviour towards us

Suppose I'm saying - 'you can't help who you fall in love with' :A

beanielou

So so true Shoe Gal.

Shoe_Gal

beanielou wrote: »

So so true Shoe Gal.

Thanks Beanie - wasn't sure it made sense when I posted it