homemade presents and ungrateful family!!

aliasojo

lolly1981 wrote: »

thank you everyone for such nice replies...makes me feel better, knowing that there are people out there who are likeminded!

Just playing Devil's Advocate here for a moment.....but I wonder if the 'like minded' bit is the key?

If your BIL is fairly well off and doesn't have to budget carefully, maybe it just has never occurred to him that not everyone can 'do' mainstream gifts. I also fully suspect he has no idea of the effort involved and if anything, probably thinks you've been cheapskates. He feels slighted because he makes the effort and in his eyes, you haven't. He's probably sat there still fizzing because you didn't accept what he was saying and made excuses when he spoke on the phone about it.

Now, even if that was the case and he genuinely felt slighted (rather than just having a moan), it's still no excuse for rudeness. I think he's ignorant more than ungrateful tbh. Maybe if he reflected on things a little more he would be more grateful.

Personally, if it were me, I would drop him a short but friendly line saying how sorry you were that he found your gifts to be unacceptable. Explain that your finances are really tight and rather than have to not give at all, you thought this would be a good compromise and that you were hurt that he didn't seem to appreciate or understand your position or that fact you'd tried to come up with a solution which meant you could still give a present but one that was within your budget.

Point out that unless you win the lottery or you or your OH walk into better paid jobs, then next year will be more of the same and since he clearly values 'pound worth' over love and effort, you think it best not to agree to not exchange gifts anymore.

(Then buy yourself a voodoo doll and some reeeeaaalllyy big pins. :D)

ginnyknit

Lolly Im so sad your hard work and thought wasn't appreciated. My lot loved their stuff - all homemade- and totally understood what we were doing, however its taken a long time for them to get to that stage! In future just do stuff for people who 'get the point'

chris_n_tj

Thye sound like spoilt humans. I would tell then that its the last Christmas you wil be sending them gifts. What ever happened to the Spirit of Christmas, I for one would have been over the moon with such a gift. It shows how much you care when you put time and effort into something. Anyway its their loss. MAybe next year you could make a few hampers and donate to the local OAP Christmas party as a free rafle prize, then tell the rellies you have done that instead of spending on gifts that wasnt appreciated.

jennyjelly

I think HM is great if you are giving to someone who has enough depth to appreciate the thought and effort you have put in - unfortunately your in-laws sound like the sort of shallow people who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Many years ago I was out of work so I had plenty of time but no money at all. I've always been good at making things so I scoured the jumble sales and boot sales for pretty fabrics and trimmings that cost pence and made patchwork gifts (cushions, bags, etc) for everyone. I couldn't even begin to add up the hours I put in.

My family, having the same outlook on life as me, were absolutely delighted and still treasure the gifts to this day.

DH's family are like your in-laws (though he is not, I think he must be a throwback!) and openly complained that they had been given home made things that cost nothing, and as I never saw the things in their houses after then I presume they were binned.

I was heartbroken after putting so much love and soul into these things and vowed never to give them another gift. The following Christmas DH and I told them that due to finances we would like to agree to give gifts to small children in the family only. They went along with this and the agreement still stands.

Even now, with improved finances meaning we can afford to spend at Christmas, a good proportion of gifts to my family are still HM, because that is what they appreciate - the thought and effort are far more important in our world than the money.

So the moral is - put your heart and soul into making lovely things for those who will appreciate them, and to hell with the rest.

SeaBee

Having made lots of homemade gifts this year I can appreciate the amount of time, effort and thought that you must have put in to yours.

Well done for sticking to your budget and giving gifts that you can afford instead of being pressured into spending more than you have to conform with other peoples ideals. :T

Why should you spend the rest of the year paying for someone elses Christmas? Stick to your guns and give more of the same next year, or nothing at all - your children will benefit from the example you are setting them.

brighthair

I would be mad too, thats not the attitude they should have and I hope they don't say things like that near the children.
One of my fave pressies this year wasn't HM, but it was a little box of games - charades etc as Mum knew I would be at work on Christmas Eve, and it was something to play in my breaks etc.

*Louise*

Totally shocked at the OP's story, along with the other tales of unappreciation that have been posted since.

OP, you have every right to rant, I would have hit the roof at such sheer ungratefullness. I would say that, it being DH's family, it should be he who approaches them with whatever decision you both come to, whether it be not exchanging gifts at all in future or whether you buy an Oxfam related gift for children 'who don't expect toys' on their behalf.

I would be devastated if my kids opened a gift and showed no appreciation for it - I would think I hadn't brought them up properly. I am shocked that he had the gall to say to your DH just how unappreciated your gift was.:eek: (Most people would say thanks and stay quiet, so his rudeness is astounding)


Well, we live and learn...and you have learned not to spend precious time and effort on that particular branch of the family tree

(((hugs)))

smileyt_2

This is a sad situation, but unfortunately there will always be people who don't appreciate the time and effort put in to home made presents. Whatever happened to the maxim, 'It's the thought that counts'?

This year I spent £3 on a gift for my neighbours. It was a ladybird identification chart. On Christmas Day I had a lovely text from them saying how thrilled they were with it. They appreciated the thought I had put into it because they are always asking me to identify insects for them via t'internet. They know I don't have much money but they didn't mind that this was a 'cheap' present. My sister saved some tokens from alpro and got me some vegetable seeds for my allotment; didn't cost her anything but I can't wait to start sowing them! I am thankful I have such lovely friends and family.

OP you put lots of love and thought into your present and you should be really pleased with yourself. You can send me a hamper if you want! Anytime you want to practise your hamper-making skills, I will be happy to road test the results

cake21

Maybe it's the hormones but a tear slipped out reading the OP . I would have absolutely loved to receive a thoughtful handmade hamper like that.

As others have said the positives are the time your family have spent together and that your son didn't hear your BIL's ingratitude.

aliasojo wrote: »

Personally, if it were me, I would drop him a short but friendly line saying how sorry you were that he found your gifts to be unacceptable. Explain that your finances are really tight and rather than have to not give at all, you thought this would be a good compromise and that you were hurt that he didn't seem to appreciate or understand your position or that fact you'd tried to come up with a solution which meant you could still give a present but one that was within your budget.

Point out that unless you win the lottery or you or your OH walk into better paid jobs, then next year will be more of the same and since he clearly values 'pound worth' over love and effort, you think it best not to agree to not exchange gifts anymore.

I really like this post.

lynzpower

lolly1981 wrote: »

thank you everyone for such nice replies...makes me feel better, knowing that there are people out there who are likeminded!
its weird cos as id just finished putting this years hampers together i was thinking what i could put in next years lol.
next year tho it will only be the people i know will appreciate it!
im in 2 minds whetehr to get the kids anything next year as i dont want them to miss out...but we have vowed that 2010 is the year we sort our life out being the start ofa new decade and all...the last 10 yrs havent been the best for me so am hoping that the next 10 will be better.
i aim to sort all our finances out and really try to make a go of my avon business...which means there will be even more cut backs next year than there was this year!
so next year there will be more homemade gifts...but not for him!!

If you are going to buy something for the kids, keep a look out through the year in home bargains or similar for a board game for the WHOLE family.

Personally I would not be buying OR MAKING anything for BIL and SIL, if they are so loaded they can buy themselves stuff- cant they?

Im staggered anyone would be so insensitive to practically demand money/ gifts off a family struggling on minimum wage is the measure of the man. What a s h 1 t!

I think you me and every other MSE knows that the only difference between a posh "fortnum & masons" style HANDMADE jam and a HM jam from MSE kitchen is the price. SERIOUSLY! Some people :wall:

We did our first ever "tester" hampers this year, only a trial im the least crafty of all, but I did a wine hamper ( glasses wine corkscrew) and a giftbag full of assored shaving and toiletries for a 13yo lad who prob wouldn't know what to buy for himself. Despite our really non artistic efforts they went down well and I intend to do Xmas cakes for people for next year.

Your BIL can get to the back of the queue- he doesnt really deserve anything! I cant believe a grown up would say that!

Furious for you :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: