Ring - to keep or not to keep, to wear or not to wear?

whitelillies

The only reason i would keep a gift is because if it was given in love by a person that loves you still, i would feel that in returning it that that would upset that person more. Maybe a rings different, but to have a gift chucked back in your face when it was truely meant to be a gift of love is more hurtful than keeping it and not using it or wearing it. Maybe im thinking of others instead of myself, i would never want to hurt anyone even though they done that to me.To me a present isnt a trinket its a gift of love. Thats just me. Like i said, ide accept it and leave it until your really over the emotions and then you can decide what you want to do when your thinking clearly.

Gingham_Ribbon

Unless the jewellery was a promise of some sort like an engagement or wedding ring, I can't see any more reason to return it after a break-up than to return any other gift received during the relationship. I certainly never went through my records or books after a break-up to try to work out whether any of them were gifts and if I'd been (for example) taken on an expensive holiday, I wouldn't think the money that paid for it had to be returned, so why jewellery?

princeofpounds

I'm a bloke, I've bought jewellery, and I've had break ups. This is really very simple and it's just all the emotional stuff that's making it seem like a difficult choice.

Firstly, keep it. It's a gift, freely given, and your property not his. There is no implied moral contract as there would be with an engagement ring. And besides, he broke up with you even if it were an engagement ring!

Secondly, the 'meaning' of it. Frankly, this is just a little power trip on his part. That's real nasty stuff coming from the person who ends the relationship, real nasty. The ring doesn't mean anything other than what you think it means. If he makes such comments again, tell him that in very firm terms.

In fact, you are better off never speaking to the guy again by the sounds of it. From what you have related here, sounds like he loves the idea of stringing you along for as long as possible. The sort of stuff teenagers are supposed to grow out of. Plus it solves any issues of 'meaning' for the ring you obviously like.

zzzLazyDaisy

I had a lovely ring given to me by my ex. Not an engagement ring, but very pretty and I loved it. But in his safe at home he had a ring that he'd given a previous ex (not an engagement ring, but a diamond ring), and when he ended that relationship he insisted that she had to give him it back - apparently it caused a huge row as she considered it to be a gift and so belonged to her (and actually I agreed and thought it was mean to take it off her).

Fast forward a couple of years and when we split I left the ring as I didn't want the hassle and humiliation of him demanding it back, but I regretted it as I loved the ring, and it was a gift.

Seems the same thing has happened again since then, so he must be getting quite a collection of rings... goodness knows what he thinks he is going to do with them!

riabie123

I had a platinum and ruby engagement ring from my ex. The relationship ended on ok terms but didn't keep in contact and we're no longer on speaking terms and thankfully he lives out of the uk now too. I kept my engagement ring as I'm still paying for it from a credit card we had in my name. After a month or so had passed I had heard from friends and family just how much of a cheat and lying scumbag he was (the term love is blind is so true) so I sacrimoniously burnt everything he ever gave me, letters and cards and a few naff teddy bears, except the ring which I put away in a box. When I got it out after a year or so had passed I looked into selling it but I wouldn't have got anywhere near its worth so now I wear from time to time to remember how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life now and how things could have turned out so differently if I had married my ex! :rotfl:
Keep it.. things are still raw, its early days yet. Put it away for now and see how you feel 6 months/a year down the line when time has healed some of the hurt:heartsmil.

MrsTinks

I had 2 rings from my ex fiance - one was a diamond and sapphire wishbone ring - when he ended it I threw it at him - I regret doing that because I picked the ring and it frankly wasn't expensive (£150) but I thought it was a beautiful design!
The second ring was a very large teardrop amathyst in silver - I dug it out a few years later and decided I didn't want the reminder of him (let's say it ended on bad terms shall we ) so I spoke to a friend that dabbles in jewellery design and had the setting changed from a ring to a pendant - I kept the stone I loved so dearly but I had changed "the thing" so that it was more a symbol of me moving on... if that makes sense
I rarely wear it now but it's still upstairs in my jewellery box...

Sunshine12

ben500 wrote: »

Sounds like a few on here already have a nice collection of such gifts, seems a common trait in British women to gather such trinkets from ex's

Has a woman screwed you over by any chance!!

tara747

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I had a lovely ring given to me by my ex. Not an engagement ring, but very pretty and I loved it. But in his safe at home he had a ring that he'd given a previous ex (not an engagement ring, but a diamond ring), and when he ended that relationship he insisted that she had to give him it back - apparently it caused a huge row as she considered it to be a gift and so belonged to her (and actually I agreed and thought it was mean to take it off her).

Fast forward a couple of years and when we split I left the ring as I didn't want the hassle and humiliation of him demanding it back, but I regretted it as I loved the ring, and it was a gift.

Seems the same thing has happened again since then, so he must be getting quite a collection of rings... goodness knows what he thinks he is going to do with them!

What an idiot!!! A gift is a gift is a gift. He sounds like a nightmare.

PurpleJay

Keep the ring - it was a gift. If your relationship is over and particularly if it is a painful reminder don't wear it for now. In a few months/years time, you may feel able to do so again or if not, you could sell it if you wanted to.

Women tend to feel obliged to return gifts like this as they are symbolic but at the end of the day, a gift is a gift and it is yours to keep (unless perhaps an engagement ring or other piece which was a family heirloom and then should be returned). We women also buy gifts for men but rarely would they think it appropriate to return them.

Incidentally, I have never returned anything that was a gift, nor expected the same from an ex. I still have an engagement ring from my first fiance (we are still friends) but I have never worn it since we split 14 years ago. It sits in a box! Perhaps if we weren't friends it would seem ok to wear it but as we are, it would seem disrespectful to his wife somehow).

Hey ho. Good luck OP, breakups are always hard, even when you know it is the right thing.

ben500

Sunshine12 wrote: »

Has a woman screwed you over by any chance!!

What makes you say that? Take a look at the [STRIKE]list of booty[/STRIKE] posts on this thread alone there's enough to stock a small branch of Goldsmiths for crying out loud. Quite a collection of gollums.