What is a reasonable amount?

MichH

I dont have children, but my brother has often joked about coming to live with OH and myself. This has been a real eye opener to read everybody's viewpoints. When I was living at home I was earning £80 a week and paying £35 a week in rent, plus doing the whole families ironing.

My brother was paying £200 a month to live with my Mum, this has recently increased to £250 (he had a pay rise). I've told him he couldn't afford to live with me as I would charge at least £350 per month, and I wouldn't do his ironing.

The idea of working out the cost of bills, food, etc. seems like a very good one, then would of course have to add in the hourly rate for the extra cleaning/washing/ironing,etc.

ceridwen

Pigget wrote: »

How is your daughter paying for her accomodation at Uni? From her student loan?

I'm living at home and I pay my mum £90 per week.

Not only because I want to because I cannot exist for free! But also, because it is teaching me an important lesson about life. When I leave home I won't have the sudden shock of losing £x amount from my income because I will be used to it.

Whew! Well - actually I've just read another thread where the woman concerned charges her OH £80 per week - ie he's paying less as a partner than you are as a child. I think I must have been paying an equivalent level to that back all those years ago - hence my decision that it would cost no more to move out and I duly DID move out. Maybe things arent the same now - but back in my time women who lived at home were restricted in their freedom by their parents - so that was another reason for moving out (ie I would have expected to pay significantly less than living independently to counterbalance the lack of freedom - so, as I wasnt paying any less then I figured I might as well move out and have my freedom). I guess young people these days can live like a free adult anyway - so you dont need to move out from the parental home - as many of my generation had to. I would still object to paying that much per week if I were still in my parents home.

At a very rough guess - I think the extra costs of me living in my parents home nowadays would be in the region of £30-£40 per week (ie it would be £30 if I was running the budget - but allow for it being £40 per week because I'm better at managing money than my mother is). I'm wondering what your mother is spending the surplus £50 odd per week on??? Are your parents in rented accommodation - therefore you are having to pay a proportion of the rent? (as I am basing my calculations on parents owning their own home and therefore not having to spend any extra on accommodation because of an adult child still living there).

EDIT: I just have the feeling that phrases like "cannot exist for free" and "teach...an important lesson about life" sound more like the phrases a parent would come out with than the person themselves IYSWIM...Pigget...I do actually recommend asking your parents why they are charging you so much - as it honestly cant be costing them as much as £90 extra per week for you to live with them (unless they are in rented accommodation and are renting a bigger/dearer place than they would need just for themselves).

carolinosourus

kelloggs36 wrote: »

My mum feels sorry for her because I had backdated maintenance for her from my ex - he didn't pay for 8 years, so I had to stump up the full costs, and I won't pass that money on to DD. My mum feels that it is her money, not mine but I don't agree.

!! I'm shocked at your mum's attitude to this, my dad paid maintenance to my mother and at no point would I ever have thought that it was mine and I was entitled to it. That's money you paid out to support your daughter, keep her fed and a roof over her head. If her father had paid it when he was supposed to, would your mum and your daughter still think your daughter was entitled to it?

missprice

cloverfan wrote: »

my mum used to do thirds........a third rent all inc...third savings and a third for me!

i have always told my kids the same

no matter what they earn they will give me a third should they choose to stay at home after uni
no point setting an exact amount as i dont know what they will earn
they will also be given the scarborough warning if they choose to whine about it or not pay.

BitterAndTwisted

A teenage child living at home could eat you out of house and home plus all the extra baths and showers, to say nothing of leaving appliances switched on day and night. In my opinion even £50 a week probably wouldn't cover the actual out-of-pocket expenses never mind the loss of the single-person's discount for Council Tax.

For your information, just doing one average load of washing at the launderette costs me £4 a pop and I know young people who are quite content to run a washing-machine and a drier at home to launder a single piece of clothing. I know this as my niece is one of those and it caused no end of arguments for my sister and her husband.

ceridwen

So - okay - assuming that both parents and child are pretty poor at money management - I guess that makes it £60 per week board and lodge for an adult child then to ensure they definitely cover all costs - but the parent doesnt make any profit from them being there (bearing in mind which generation we are talking about here - ie "an every child is a wanted child - or ought to be" generation so its not appropriate for a parent to make a profit from a child in that generation).

Katie-Kat-Kins

You need to charge her more than £80 a month otherwise she could end up doing what I did. My parents charged me more than this, by direct debit but it was little enough that I was happy to stay at home until I was 28!

Seriously, you don't want to profit from her and it would be nice if she can enjoy earning a proper wage and having a bit of spending money while she is young as well as saving for her own place and buying things she needs for work like a car and suits. BUT she shouldn't take the pee. At the very least work out a third (or whatever her share is if there are more than three of you at home) of all the bills and charge her that.

Insist that she meets her own transport/mobile etc and sorts her debts too.

missprice

ah think i have been found online and not willing to have him peeking

BitterAndTwisted

Oh yes, and factor in that the central heating will be switched on 24/7 as soon as your back is turned. I'd keep last year's heating bills to hand to justify demanding payment for the extra usage if I were you

jellyhead

Also, does 'food included' mean she eats whatever you offer her at mealtimes, or will she expect you to pay for takeaways?

I remember one ex boyfriend who lived at home at 19 used to let/ask his mum pay for a chinese takeaway for him and me every friday night! I tried to pay but she wouldn't accept it, but it drove me bonkers that he didn't insist on us paying for it. We both had a job, and his was full time! His mum used to use his car to go shopping on a saturday morning and he would deliberately let it be low on petrol so she had to fill up!!

If yours is like him, never paying for something if he didn't have to, then this £80 per month won't go far. I think your £150 that you stated is a fair amount.