What is a reasonable amount?

ceridwen

Glen0000 wrote: »

Why on earth not? £20 a week does certainly not compensate for the lack of privacy that having another adult under your roof brings. We are talking about parents and children, but these "children" are adults and should be making their own way in life.

We want our lives back at some point. Why is that wrong???

Also why on earth would an adult want to stay at home longer than they have to? Having sex with your girlfriend is no fun with mum in the next room!

I do understand "wanting your own life back at some point" - but overcharging your children (by having set an amount that would make a profit for the parents) might lead to them doing exactly the same as I did.
That is - I worked out that I was obviously being overcharged - as a similar level of money would cover me for bedsit rent + food = I duly moved out into a bedsit.

I hated having to live in grotty bedsits - damp, insecure buildings, etc, etc and certainly had many moments where I wondered exactly what my mother thought of me that she had charged such a high level for my keep and thought "well in that case I'd sooner be in a grotty bedsit than be where I'm not wanted". I still believe I was correct in making that decision all those years later....

....and I never DID get given any money back from that "keep" money when I set up home - so it hadnt been done for my sake.

There is also the point that if someone wants their privacy that much - then why would they have children in the first place? People know that lack of privacy is one of the things that comes with having children - but they have made the choice to have children in order to have extra love/companionship/etc in their lives.

before_hollywood

when i moved out i was making £1100 a month and paid my parents £200 a month.

i rent out a room in my house, its advertised at £400 deposit and £350 a month inclusive.

from that i make about £200pm profit, last lodger was moody and messy and went from being a close friend when she moved in to being a pain in the backside i'll never speak to again less than 6 months later

Kaz2904

ceridwen wrote: »

I do understand "wanting your own life back at some point" - but overcharging your children (by having set an amount that would make a profit for the parents) might lead to them doing exactly the same as I did.
That is - I worked out that I was obviously being overcharged - as a similar level of money would cover me for bedsit rent + food = I duly moved out into a bedsit.

I hated having to live in grotty bedsits - damp, insecure buildings, etc, etc and certainly had many moments where I wondered exactly what my mother thought of me that she had charged such a high level for my keep and thought "well in that case I'd sooner be in a grotty bedsit than be where I'm not wanted". I still believe I was correct in making that decision all those years later....

....and I never DID get given any money back from that "keep" money when I set up home - so it hadnt been done for my sake.

There is also the point that if someone wants their privacy that much - then why would they have children in the first place? People know that lack of privacy is one of the things that comes with having children - but they have made the choice to have children in order to have extra love/companionship/etc in their lives.

This is an extremely odd view to take.
Once your ADULT child has left home, you start to reclaim space. You can wander round in the buff should you so desire. There are lots of things you do in the privacy of your own home that you just can't do with another person there (even if they are your offspring!).
You took the step that most people take whereby they realise that they can have their freedom for the same price as a room at home. Most people choose the freedom. I think you may find that rather than profiteering from you, your parents were using your RENT towards paying to help keep your home warm ungrotty and not damp.
You state that you hated living in grotty accomodation- get over it! I still live in grotty damp acccomodation. It takes time and money to right these issues but we're getting there. We seem to have become the "You're worth it" generation.
I'm happy you feel you made the correct decision.
You complain that you didn't get a rent rebate. I think you're being a bit cheeky- it's rent not some secret savings club. Some people are in the fortunate position where they don't need to take the money so they save it for their child. How do you know what your parents had planned for the room that you were using. They may have been really struggling and planning on renting it out. They might have been wanting to downsize so that they weren't paying costs on a larger house than they need.

You ask why people would have children in the first place if they want that much privacy. Sharing your home with your child is different than having some hulking great adult meandering round in his boxers scratching his bits with your remote control when all you actually want to do is have a roll on the rug with your OH . Children bring you great joy and pleasure but as a parent it is our role to nurture them to become an adult and move on. It is not natural to continue sponging off your parents.

Little children are quite cute and it's adorable when they come and get into bed with you for a snuggle in the morning. Not so cute when they are 27.

Anyway, sorry but that turned into a bit of a ramble there. OP- stick to your guns. It's your home and you'll be sacrificing your privacy if/ when she returns. Set your rules and stick to them .

Oldernotwiser

ceridwen wrote: »

Well - its obvious to me anyrate that one does not "make a profit" from ones own relatives these days - particularly if they are ones own children. I assume everyone thinks like that these days - I thought they did....

Presumably you would go on from what you have said to think in terms of if a parent was charging their child say £80 per week for their keep - but the actual cost was £60 for instance - then that surplus £20 would be put to one side by the parent as savings for that child when they buy their own home? I presume you wouldnt expect the parent to be making an income of say £20 per week from their own child?:eek:

Does anyone still think like that?

I don't really see why this has to be looked at as "making a profit out of family". I was brought up to think in terms of working "children" paying towards the running of the household, which isn't at all the same thing as just covering their extra outgoings.

Oldernotwiser

thorsoak wrote: »

We excluded the mortgage because at the end of the day we were the ones who would benefit from it -

Not going to leave your house to your children then or live in a larger house than you would do if you were just a couple?

Morglin

I charged my kids 10% of their take home pay once they started full time work, as I think they are only young once and should enjoy their earnings.

But, I cheered, did cartwheels and cracked the champagne when they finally left home though - my life back, privacy, no mess - what's not to like???:eek:

I cannot understand those who seem only to live for the kids and feel upset when they fly the nest - there are other things to do!:rolleyes:

Lin

Oldernotwiser

Morglin wrote: »

I cannot understand those who seem only to live for the kids and feel upset when they fly the nest - there are other things to do!:rolleyes:

Lin

And I can't understand why people with "children" in their twenties and older living at home seem to think that this is a sign of successful parenting!

kelloggs36

Yes, privacy is an issue - I want to sit and watch what I want to on TV, not what she wants to and then she gets into a strop when I get my way. She goes back to uni later this week and I'm looking forward to it already!!!! I've got used to having my house back - although we have 2 younger children here, we have got used to this, and it is a big difference with her here. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she is not easy to live with and costs an absolute fortune and is a lazy so and so to boot! She needs to live her own life and be responsible for it - isn't that what growing up is all about?

thorsoak

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Not going to leave your house to your children then or live in a larger house than you would do if you were just a couple?

Nope - not going to leave the house to the kids - we're going SKING (Spending Kids Inheritance)

Seriously, we lived where we did because WE liked it - not because we had kids!

Have moved within the last 18 months, after several "boomerang" kids and are now on our own - and yes, we do miss their company - but at the same time, we do appreciate our own space!

zzzLazyDaisy

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she is not easy to live with and costs an absolute fortune and is a lazy so and so to boot! She needs to live her own life and be responsible for it - isn't that what growing up is all about?

Hmmmm..... seems to me that using some of that back pay to pay a deposit on a houseshare and her month in advance might be a good investment in terms of your sanity If she isn't working she will get LHA for the rent on a room in a shared house (check your local authority website for the limits as it varies from region to region) she'll also get her JSA on top. If she stays with you, she won't get LHA, although she'll get JSA - so a better solution all round, me-thinks!