To work or to be a SAHM?

Spendless

Lillibet wrote:

Hi Everyone

I am in a real quandry, my maternity leave will be up at the very end of next month, work have agreed to my returning 2.5 days a week as per my request..........BUT........
I am not sure if I want to go back
I am not sure if I can afford the childcare & cost of running a car
Since stopping breastfeeding I am having "monthly issues" of the very heavy debilitating kind.

Pros :
Would force me to get organized like I used to be. I miss being organized but I seem to have left my motivation back in the labour room!
Would put me back in the company of adults who don't talk about babies all day & I miss my colleagues
would be a good reason to get out of jeans & joggers & into something a bit smarter (ohhhh.......shopping trip!)
Would be easy to moderate my diet back to healthy 3 meals a day rather than unhelathy & snacking as it is now.
Is town centre based, could get lots of chores done in lunch hour
Work is very generous in employee use of franking machine, phonecalls, stationary etc. To be honest, the combination of this & being town centre based would free up a lot of time at home.
Would force hubby to stop taking me for granted at home (will become an issue before long otherwise)

Cons :
I don't like my job
I don't like my boss
Childcare around here is expensive. I would need 2 days (mum is OK for the half day) and nurseries are upwards of £62 per day, childminders are around £45 per day but get booked up months in advance
Skin has been horrendous since stopping breast feeding, some times it's better that I don't have to go out as I would scare small children with plauge like symptoms! Plus I don't really want to go out looking like this when it's really bad! Also worried that monthly issues would result in need for sick leave.
I have the permenant loan of a 20 year old car, it is a bit wobbly & I am worried it would fail before long with regular use but I would need it to work & use childcare (no public transport/car sharing option). Low salary would not justify buying another car.
Would be boarderline on breaking even with increased costs of working etc but we are going backwards at the mo, all be it we have a slush fund to cover monthly defecit for a good while yet.




Any help/opinions please?

Hi I've given this some more thought and re-read your OP. It sounds like you don't want to go back to work but feel you should as it will force you to be more organised (at home with diet etc) and at the moment you don't need to work due to slush fund.

Is your job well paid for the type of work you do in the area you are in? ie if you need to go back in 12-18months time could you find a job at a different firm/different area that paid equally as much.

If you don't go back to work my suggestions are to take your mum up on the 1/2 day babysitting anyway-it is amazing what you get done without kids around:D as long as you don't spend time on here instead:o . If you feel you have got so far behind that to start off with you need more than 1/2 day a week I suggest packing DH and Spud up together on hubbys next day off so you can get ahead of yourself.

May I ask is the tax credit money and child benefit already included in your budget or are you putting it into Spuds account? If it is going to Spuds account and really you would feel more comfortable being at home with him for next couple of years my suggestion is to start putting this money into the family budget instead.

You have said you have possibly got up to 18 months slush fund left. I get this to take you up to roughly end of 07. In the next 18 months you will receive roughly £2000 in child benefit and tax credit money (very rough calculation worked out of £17 CB and £10.45 CTC per week). That amounts to 8 months worth of £250.(the amount you are short of each month) That takes us to beginning of Sept 08 which is when Spud will get the non-means tested funding I have previously spoken of previously. Using this funding will reduce your childcare bills . Depending on your LEA you would then have between a year to 18 months before he started full-time school. If you don't feel entirely comfortable with using this money you could always keep a record and pay it back when you do return to work.

If you are already using the CB and CTC money in family budget. Ask would I prefer to work at the job I already know now and return whilst that option is open or look when slush money has run out.

You have also mentioned some other savings that you would prefer not to dip into, again you could "borrow" from this pot when you do return to work.

Good Luck whatever you decide

pavlovs_dog

got to give it to you spendless, you know your stuff :j some sound advice there :beer:

Lillibet_2

HI Everyone

I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice so far. I have gone a bit quiet because I am really mulling things over. Mum has come up with a possible part-solution to the childcare but it all depends on so many things.
I am not quiet because I am unapprecieative (sp?), completley the opposite, I just need to think this through really carefully. I will come back if I need to talk more stuff through or to let you know my final decision, if I ever get around to making it!

Thanks guys, you are all stars:T:A:T:A:T:A:T:A:T:A:T:A

clarew

um, is a difficult one. I am mum of 2 and would love to be a sahm, but in order to move from flat to house, the financial compromise was that i have to work part time.

I work average of 2-3 days a week, which means i am at home more than at work-which is great, but i still am envious of those who are at home full time. (perhaps they got their mortgage before house prices increased and don't live in london!!)

I always find that it seems to people the people who can't afford to stay at home, that want to, and often the richer people who could stay at home-can't wait to get back to the office!

personally i count my blessings that i'm not full time, and it makes me really appreciate the days i have at home with the kids. Whatever you decide, remember its not forever-you can change your mind either way at a later day. And count your blessings daily -we are privileged to have children full stop, lots of people out there aren't so fortunate.

plumpmouse

Hi

I work 2 days a week. Went back when son was 7 months old and my mum had him. Changed to a new job when he was 16 months old still 2 days. When he was 23 months old my mum had to go back to work full time and couldn't have him any longer so he started nursery(£30 a day).

I don't particularly enjoy my job but do find it give me a break. I often say I go to work for a rest.

I was very reluctant to return to work but we couldn't manage without the little extra my wage gave us.

I was also really reluctant to put son in a nursery. But I do think it was one of the best things I could have done for him. He wasn't talking much when he started but was very bright and understood everything. He was talking properly within a couple of months and now they say his sentence structure is very advanced for his age. I do think going to nursery has helped develop him.

It is a really personal desicison to make and I just wanted to say do what you feel is right. Hope it all works out for you whatever you choose

Good luck

violetb_2

Hiya - Not sure about the answer to all your questions, but if you really dislike work so much there should be some other options. Could you do something like a home based business maybe card selling? It is really popular with other Mums as it saves on the need to pop out for cards if they know you have a handy stock.

You could also maybe look into minding for some of the time if you have the patience of a saint.

Being a Sahm is a huge change from the world of work and it can be just as daunting. It is also so good if you can make it work and I wouldn't swap it for the world. Just don't have high expectations that extra time at home will mean you can become a model housewife - for some it does, but I just don't seem to have those genes in the first place.

Finally, have you been to the doc about the monthlies? Sorry to be so personal when we have never met!! When you are busy enough the last thing you need is that on top!!

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

Violet

jellyhead

hi lillibet, not much advice because i've stayed at home, handed in my notice at work when my maternity leave ended. but it was just a job, not a career and i cosidered what would i most like to do if i won the lottery - the answer for me is be a SAHM and have more babies lol!

but anyway, a bit personal but if you do decide to go back to work, and also if you don't there are things you can do about the monthlies. i saw my doc when i got my job, i realised there was no way i could work during a period and i got some tranexamic acid to stem the flow to a manageable level. i don't know what your problems are but there are options for pain, for heavy flow, etc. i get buscopan for pain. i know people who take the pill etc. to manage their moods, and some people take prozac to balance the evil moods (prozac is widely used for pms). i've had a mirena coil fitted to hopefully cut down the monthlies and eventually stop them, but the pill would be a less drastic option.


i know what you mean about working from home - my ten month old requires every second of my attention - i barely have time to go to the loo or make cups of tea :rotfl: i do know people who get lots done during the day, studying, housework etc. but their babies seem calmer and less demanding lol! i was in a mood last week and said to my husband that i should get a job because then i would be able to drink and go to the loo

Spendless

Lillibet/Jellyhead. I couldn't work from home either. Certainly not when the eldest was little. One of the Harry Potter books came out when he was little and the story of how JK Rowling sat and wrote the 1st book in the cafe when her eldest was a baby and she was a single mum. I used to look at my tot and think how . I ended up putting him nursery a couple of sessions a week even though I didn't work at those times cos he was such a livewire (and he's 6 and still is:rolleyes: ). Daughter though calmer I still didn't feel I could devote enough attention to her and try and get housework done too, so she went to a nursery when she turned 2 also.

I must have been a total different child, cos my mum returned to work, hairdresser with own shop when I was 2, taking me with her. I have sept birthday and never went to nursery so I was at work with Mum till I was almost 5:eek: . I have vague memories of playing with the customers children when they came in.

Lillibet-are your monthly problems severe enough to see if you can claim Incapacity benefit? I don't know all the rules and regs but should imagine someone else will.

HeyBigSpender

There was an article a couple of months ago on the childcare vouchers, but I can't find it!

bobsa1

I work two and a half days and have 3 children, but only one who is not at school (2yrs old). I went back because I feared staying at home (did it for a couple of years and did not like it when older 2 children were small)

I dreaded sending DD to nursery but she seems to have now settled and at 21/2 is probably benefiting.

I am in quite a well paid job but still think childcare is expensive £30 per day.

I think this is one of the hardest decisions in the world so good luck with whatever you decide.