To work or to be a SAHM?

Lillibet_2

Hi Everyone

This started out as a query on the daily thread over on the Old Style Board, but as they pointed out, this is the best place for a broader knowledge base about this sort of thing:o

I am in a real quandry, my maternity leave will be up at the very end of next month, work have agreed to my returning 2.5 days a week as per my request..........BUT........
I am not sure if I want to go back
I am not sure if I can afford the childcare & cost of running a car
Since stopping breastfeeding I am having "monthly issues" of the very heavy debilitating kind.

Pros :
Would force me to get organized like I used to be. I miss being organized but I seem to have left my motivation back in the labour room!
Would put me back in the company of adults who don't talk about babies all day & I miss my colleagues
would be a good reason to get out of jeans & joggers & into something a bit smarter (ohhhh.......shopping trip!)
Would be easy to moderate my diet back to healthy 3 meals a day rather than unhelathy & snacking as it is now.
Is town centre based, could get lots of chores done in lunch hour
Work is very generous in employee use of franking machine, phonecalls, stationary etc. To be honest, the combination of this & being town centre based would free up a lot of time at home.
Would force hubby to stop taking me for granted at home (will become an issue before long otherwise)

Cons :
I don't like my job
I don't like my boss
Childcare around here is expensive. I would need 2 days (mum is OK for the half day) and nurseries are upwards of £62 per day, childminders are around £45 per day but get booked up months in advance
Skin has been horrendous since stopping breast feeding, some times it's better that I don't have to go out as I would scare small children with plauge like symptoms! Plus I don't really want to go out looking like this when it's really bad! Also worried that monthly issues would result in need for sick leave.
I have the permenant loan of a 20 year old car, it is a bit wobbly & I am worried it would fail before long with regular use but I would need it to work & use childcare (no public transport/car sharing option). Low salary would not justify buying another car.
Would be boarderline on breaking even with increased costs of working etc but we are going backwards at the mo, all be it we have a slush fund to cover monthly defecit for a good while yet.

As far as I know we are not entitled to any benefits above the usual child benefit & lower child tax credit. Hubbys salary is £21K, my part time salary would be £9620. Does anyone know the standard percentage for tax & NI deductions as this would help me out a lot on figureing out the finer financial details? I know I can take some of my salary as nursery vouchers to beat the NI but I don't know the details of this?

Mentally I think I almost need to go back to work (something I never imagined!), but not to the same job. But the praticalities scare the hell out of me to be honest:o

Any help/opinions please?

Turning_into_scrooge

Have you considered looking for a job elsewhere which is only a few hours a day. I assume form you r post that you do quite a good job but allot of young mothers try for school dinners that way they only work at lunch time and get all the school holidays off. i think hours start at around 1 1/2 hours per day. Not much help for a post i know but just to show there are other ideas out there. Something else you could consider is shop work but only on a Saturday when dad is probably around to look after you child. I stayed at home until my son was approx 3 yrs, i wish I'd gone back sooner,i may as well of done since my Mil took over and pushed me out of the way where my son was concerned. Is there no family that can look after the little one? I didn't use child minders only play group when he was old enough and i don't know about the child care vouchers as my son is 22 now and they wern't around then lol boy do i feel old now:o

Lillibet_2

Thanks Scrooge, looking for an alternative job is definately on my adgenda, trouble is I have literally no experience in any other field, I don't know what employers look for in supermarket staff or waitresses for example & I seriously doubt they would pay enough to meet childcare costs? Would I be considered over qualified or unreliable as I have a young child?
Weekend/evening work isn't currently an option as Hubby works a 14 day re-occuring seasonal shift pattern eg : 7 days of 7am-3pm, 2 days off, 3 days of 1pm-9pm, 2 days off, 7 days of 8am-4pm, 2 days off, 3 days of 12pm-8pm.

madauri

Another possibility would be working from home. Is there any chance you could set up a business home? You might be able to take care of your baby and at the same time handle some business, make some money doing something you like and have a flexible timetable suitable to your needs.
On the other side, this needs a lot of discipline. You must set yourself a strict timetable for work and not just jump over it all the time, and you must deal with it professionally. It helps if you acquire a routine similar to that you have when working out, including clothing and all.
Just an idea!

Turning_into_scrooge

Oh dear you are stuck with those hours hubby works. As for shop work it would depend on the shop. M&S i think require A levels lol but some other may just require you to look presentable. As for being over qualified i really don't know, I've been out of employed jobs for so long now its probably change. I went back to college nearly 10 years ago and re trained then i was self employed until a car accident in 2001 which left me severely disabled and unable to work. One thing though they should not prejudice you for having a child, ask at the job centre they may have more ideas and good luck

joannasmum

Hi Lillibet

This is much the same decision as I was faced with last November. It really is a hard one. The best advice I can give is to give it ago if you think it could be the right thing for you DH and Spud. I've gone back 2.5 day and TBH I would prefer 2 days but didnt have that option. When it comes down to it you could always leave or look for a different type of job ie in the evenings if you found it didnt suit you.

Practically it is hard, I'm not going to lie and say any different infact I think its harder working part-time than full time as you never seem to get into a proper routine.

Myself and DH asked ourselves 3 questions before I went back they were
1. Would it benefit or at least not have a detrimental effect on DD for her to spend some time at nursery.
3. Would it benefit me to spend some time with adults
4. Would it benefit our family to have abit more in the pot each month

We answered Yes to all three questions but I have to say if I won the lottery I'd give it up in and instant and have more babies!

Proberbly been no help what so ever, but good luck with making your mind up.

Spendless

Lilibet did you get the PM I sent you a couple of weeks ago when I guessed you were agonising over this .

The childcare vouchers work by you salary sacrificing upto £55 a week in childcare vouchers. The money sacrificed is tax and NI free. Does your hubbys employer also offer the scheme? Or could they be persuaded to do so? You can both salary sacrifice for the same childs childcare costs. You can get childcare help via tax credits on quite a high salary but it depends on the cost. Have a look at entitledto.co.uk
Put your figures in with and without childcare to see if you will get help.

Some of your dilemma seems to be over organisation (something I also struggle with, with kids in the house). You have mentioned your Mum helping out 1/2 day a week, could she do this anyway? Giving you one free AM or PM a week to get things done.

If it is not worth your while working yet for a small sum, do you have enough slush money to see you over till Spud is 3 when you will also receive the non-means tested funding.

Chell

If you decide to go back then you aren't tyed to the job forever. COuld you go back, then decide in say 3mths whether you want/need to work. We only get CTC but last year our household income went over £25,000 so our CTC really dropped. This year it went below £25K and our CTC increased. Would you be better to work less, below your tax allowance therefore you wouldn't be working to pay tax?

Threadhead

"childminders are around £45 per day but get booked up months in advance"


If childcare is busy in your area, why dont you become a childminder? Best of both worlds - you get cash, you get to stay home with your little one. On sunny days you can go to the park rather than sitting in an office. Little one always has someone to play with.

black-saturn

If you miss the company of adults but like being a SAHM why not try some charity or volunteer work? Some of them let you take your children along. Much more satisfying than leaving your children with a childminder.

shays_mum

I thought this might be useful, came across this on mumsnet:

New online service shows parents that nannies can be an affordable and flexible alternative to nursery care

It seems that you can’t pick up a newspaper at the moment without reading about the effects of nursery care on our children. The latest expert to come out against nursery care for the under 2s is Steve Biddulph, and even for older children he recommends 2 or 3 short sessions rather than its use as full time daycare.

But what alternatives are working parents really faced with?
The general consensus seems to be that in the absence of the child’s mother, children are best left with a relative or quality nanny or childminder who can offer loving care in a home environment. Many families no longer have the luxury of extended family living nearby, and as recent surveys have shown, nannies can be a very expensive alternative.

However, an increasing number of parents are learning that a part-time or shared nanny might provide the solution, particularly if they have more than one child. Quality, loving care in the home environment with the cost being split between the sharing families.

SharingCare.co.uk has been established to help parents facing this very issue – the site puts local families in touch with each other with a view to them sharing a nanny. It provides an online community network. It matches families with similar childcare requirements, enabling them to employ a nanny between them and split the cost, offering the families the flexibility and security of a nanny at a fraction of the cost.
Jim Stoner was delighted with the service, “Our nanny share has now started and is going really well and the fact that we found the other family is entirely down to SharingCare. I think it’s a great idea and would definitely recommend the site to others.”
Jodi Chen was equally pleased, “SharingCare puts you in touch with people near to you with the same childcare needs. It is a great form of networking and helped me to solve the very tricky problem of getting the right type of care for my precious daughter.”
Don’t take their word for it – have a look for yourself. For more information about sharing a nanny or to try a search in your area, go to www.sharingcare.co.uk or contact [EMAIL="theteam@sharingcare.co.uk"]theteam@sharingcare.co.uk[/EMAIL].


THIS SITE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!, ONLY CAME ACROSS IT IN MUMSNET & WAS IMPRESSED!