Annoyed

mrcow

esio_trot wrote: »

I suppose we (and the OP) are all coming from different perspectives.

Yes we probably are

tandraig

I suppose I see it from TheEffects perspective because I get fed up of helping son out of one financial crisis after another! I know darn well if i hand over cash it will get spent on toys either for themselves or the kids when i gave it to them to pay for gas leccy or rent! so i now pay it directly myself. and if asked for an odd tenner or fiver for nappies or milk - i go buy nappies or milk for them.

Any

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps you need to increase whatever you are paying. I'd be fuming if one of my children had a go about me spending £100 on something I wanted.

The problem is that some people just spend everything they get on rubbish.
Why should one work hard just to support another one who pi88es money away like they grew on trees?

One thing is if you get into one off bad situation, emergency happens (boiler breaks, redundancy or something), but another thing is when you just like spending.

I would be angry too.

dieselhead

I think that people seem to be a little hard on the OP here, although as it has already been said we are all comeing from different perspectives.

I can't help feeling that the OP is being a great son and looking after his mother, however he is at a stage in his life when really he needs to be looking to the future, and putting aside some money for uni. Now I do totally agree that he should be paying rent. So I don't think that his mother should be asking for more to spend on non essentials if she can avoid it so that he can save for next year. Also he is not going to be in a position to support her next year at uni, how will she manage then?

January20

mrcow wrote: »

If one of my children tried to patronise me like that "How do you think that makes me feel?" etc then yes - I would be annoyed. She's his mother - she deserves his respect - not to be spoken to like a child and not be be talked about behind her back.

.

If you had just borrowed money for living expenses from that child and then decided to spend £100 on a credit card for a mirror that is not esential, that child would have every right to judge and patronise you and be irritated! Respect has to be earned!

mrcow

January20 wrote: »

If you had just borrowed money for living expenses from that child and then decided to spend £100 on a credit card for a mirror that is not esential, that child would have every right to judge and patronise you and be irritated! Respect has to be earned!

Perhaps she thinks as it's a 0% card that she can pay it back in March? The OP hasn't stated whether it's 0% on purchases as well as BTs. Perhaps she does think it's essential? Perhaps the OP and his brother are eating her out of house and home? Perhaps she's depressed? Who's to judge? You?

And no........he has no right to patronise his mother. He pays a measley £200 per month (and has only just started doing that in the past month or so). It's not for him to judge her. If she wants to but something on a credit card, then she's an adult and is capable of making her own decisions.

And his mother - she puts a roof over his head - that should earn enough respect in itself. If he doesn't like it, then move out.

18 years of bringing up your kids - is that not earned enough for you?!

csh_2

dieselhead wrote: »

I think that people seem to be a little hard on the OP here, although as it has already been said we are all comeing from different perspectives.

I can't help feeling that the OP is being a great son and looking after his mother, however he is at a stage in his life when really he needs to be looking to the future, and putting aside some money for uni. Now I do totally agree that he should be paying rent. So I don't think that his mother should be asking for more to spend on non essentials if she can avoid it so that he can save for next year. Also he is not going to be in a position to support her next year at uni, how will she manage then?

Same way she has for the last 18+years

I get the feeling the OP only lent her the money to feel morally superior over her. It certainly comes over in his posts that he uses money the 'right' way and so should everyone else.

OP either pay just your digs, nothing else, and wind your neck in, or find somewhere else to live.

I certainly wouldn't tolerate my 'child' telling me what I can and can't buy.

January20

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps she thinks as it's a 0% card that she can pay it back in March? The OP hasn't stated whether it's 0% on purchases as well as BTs. Perhaps she does think it's essential? Perhaps the OP and his brother are eating her out of house and home? Perhaps she's depressed? Who's to judge? You?

And no........he has no right to patronise his mother. He pays a measley £200 per month (and has only just started doing that in the past month or so). It's not for him to judge her. If she wants to but something on a credit card, then she's an adult and is capable of making her own decisions.

And his mother - she puts a roof over his head - that should earn enough respect in itself. If he doesn't like it, then move out.

18 years of bringing up your kids - is that not earned enough for you?!

Actually, no! Because none of us know how she raised those children, and the way some people raise children really doesn't deserve respect!

We'll have to agree to disagree on the subject because I think we both feel strongly about it and I think we are both as obstinate as the other and we could go round in circles for the rest of the day, but I'd just like to add I think you are really hard on the OP.

fedupnow

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps she thinks as it's a 0% card that she can pay it back in March? The OP hasn't stated whether it's 0% on purchases as well as BTs. Perhaps she does think it's essential? Perhaps the OP and his brother are eating her out of house and home? Perhaps she's depressed? Who's to judge? You?

And no........he has no right to patronise his mother. He pays a measley £200 per month (and has only just started doing that in the past month or so). It's not for him to judge her. If she wants to but something on a credit card, then she's an adult and is capable of making her own decisions.

And his mother - she puts a roof over his head - that should earn enough respect in itself. If he doesn't like it, then move out.

18 years of bringing up your kids - is that not earned enough for you?!

Oh my goodness. I am so glad you are not my parent.

I would be annoyed if I was the op too.

mrcow

January20 wrote: »

We'll have to agree to disagree on the subject because I think we both feel strongly about it and I think we are both as obstinate as the other and we could go round in circles for the rest of the day, but I'd just like to add I think you are really hard on the OP.

January - you've been in debt. Stupid debt. Over trivial crap that wasn't necessary. No one embarrassed you over it. Patronised you. We've all bought things that aren't necessary. No one should bite our heads off for it. Especially our own children, when we do the best we can for them.

As for how she's bringing him up - well she's putting him up for practically nothing - is that not a good enough indicator? She doesn't sound like a bad parent to me.

For the record, I haven't been "hard" on the OP. If he wants to vent here - then that's 100% fine. But don't lets say it's okay for him to patronise his own mother over something so trivial. Once he's had a bit of growing up to do, perhaps he'll see that the world is never as black and white as some would have us believe.