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Annoyed
Comments
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How much rent do you pay her each month?
How much does your brother pay her?
Perhaps you need to increase whatever you are paying. I'd be fuming if one of my children had a go about me spending £100 on something I wanted.
even if your child had given you additional money that month to get by until pay day (petrol for the mother's commute to work and an additional £60 loan) on top of the standard, what looks to be, £200 p/m digs?
I would suggest that the OP's mother's problem is being soft on the brother who pays nothing.0 -
Crikey, your mother is going to be in a tight spot come September if she doesn't do something radical about her expenses soon. Get her to sign up here, pronto!0
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even if your child had given you additional money that month to get by until pay day (petrol for the mother's commute to work and an additional £60 loan) on top of the standard, what looks to be, £200 p/m digs?
I would suggest that the OP's mother's problem is being soft on the brother who pays nothing.
agree with every word esio!
mum is not being fair here!
just wondering TheEffect..........how is she going to manage when you go to uni?0 -
even if your child had given you additional money that month to get by until pay day (petrol for the mother's commute to work and an additional £60 loan) on top of the standard, what looks to be, £200 p/m digs?
I would suggest that the OP's mother's problem is being soft on the brother who pays nothing.
If one of my children tried to patronise me like that "How do you think that makes me feel?" etc then yes - I would be annoyed. She's his mother - she deserves his respect - not to be spoken to like a child and not be be talked about behind her back.
As for the £200 thing - yes op you did state back in October that she wasn't going to be charging you any rent. When you were wondering whether to move out and pay £90 per week to a 3rd party. If she's struggling that much and can't afford to keep you on what you pay her, then why not just increase to the £360 per month that you could afford and problem solved. Then she wouldn't have to resort to borrowing money just to keep a roof over your head."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
OP, leading on from your earlier threads, this situation seems to me to be an excellent argument for leaving home when you go to university!0
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If one of my children tried to patronise me like that "How do you think that makes me feel?" etc then yes - I would be annoyed. She's his mother - she deserves his respect - not to be spoken to like a child and not be be talked about behind her back.
I'd probably say that the OP, as a working, contributing adult should also be given a bit of respect for stepping up and helping his mother out. A lot of 18 year olds I'm sure couldn't or wouldn't do the same.0 -
If one of my children tried to patronise me like that "How do you think that makes me feel?" etc then yes - I would be annoyed. She's his mother - she deserves his respect - not to be spoken to like a child and not be be talked about behind her back.
As for the £200 thing - yes op you did state back in October that she wasn't going to be charging you any rent. When you were wondering whether to move out and pay £90 per week to a 3rd party. If she's struggling that much and can't afford to keep you on what you pay her, then why not just increase to the £360 per month that you could afford and problem solved. Then she wouldn't have to resort to borrowing money just to keep a roof over your head.
I do respect my mother. I'm not speaking to her like a child, I'm airing my anger at what she has done.
Yes, I could afford to give her £360 a month, but seeing as she spend the money on non-essentials, it wouldn't ease her debt problems, it would simply pay for more non-essential items.
That's the same as saying ''You could afford to pay her 1k a month, so why not do it to get her out of debt''. Like you said, she's an adult and should not need to be bailed out because she's been reckless in the past.
I have a lot of respect for her and would never see her on the breadline. I'd give her my last penny, but at the moment, she's got a way of helping herself get out of the trouble she's in and I've given her advise on how to do this. I cannot just bail her out.
When I turned 18, I got credit cards and got in £1000 debt, which took me 4 months of all my wages (worked part time) to pay off. I didn't get bailed out by my parents/family. I learned my lesson and now pay off my credit card in full each month. That's a lesson learnt for life.0 -
I'd probably say that the OP, as a working, contributing adult should also be given a bit of respect for stepping up and helping his mother out. A lot of 18 year olds I'm sure couldn't or wouldn't do the same.
I haven't read that she doesn't respect him. But it works two ways. She's effectively supporting him and whilst he's under her roof, it's not for him to slate her decisions.
His opening post comes across as quite condescending about her (even though it's quite obviously they're close). I understand that he only came here to vent - and we all need to do that. But he also asked for comments if we wanted to so I thought I'd chuck my penneth in even if to just show an alternate view (which when you're angry it's sometimes helpful to be given).
I don't disagree with him being miffed -there's nothing quite like spending time giving someone sound advice for them to just chuck it back at you.
Persoanllyif I were iin his position. I'd be buying that mirror for her Christmas present. There is however no way I'd get angry wth my mother over something so trivial as money. Especially if she'd bought something for herself (whch my mother never seems to do)."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
Yes, I could afford to give her £360 a month, but seeing as she spend the money on non-essentials, it wouldn't ease her debt problems, it would simply pay for more non-essential items.
She seems like she's quite open to opinons though. Have you tried sitting down and doing an SOA? IIt can be a real eye opener to some."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
MC - Making her feel guilty probably didn't help the OP's mother, or the OP, fair point. I do think doing an SOA would be a good start too.
I suppose we (and the OP) are all coming from different perspectives. You say your mother doesn't seem to buy non essentials for herself - in which case, she'd be more than entitled to and I can see why you wouldn't begrudge it!
On the other hand, the OP's mother (and mine!) DO buy non essentials beyond their means on a regular basis, and unfortunately for the OP, this seems to come from money which he has given her for other purposes. I'm in the fortunate position that I don't, nor have I ever had to help to fund my mother's spending and in fact, I hate to say, tend to benefit from it!0
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