Annoyed

TheEffect

I'm really annoyed and angry at the moment, so this is more to get it off my chest and rant a little then for advice, but please do comment.

I live with my mum and brother. My mum is having a hard time with money at the moment and her outgoings are the same as what her income is. I lent her £60, plus gave her £200 for next months rent to help her out, as well as payed for her petrol (for work) until she gets paid.

She was going to get a 2k loan to pay off her overdraft and to live on, as she's getting a pay rise in February 2010. I advised her to get a 0% credit card for 12 months instead of the loan, and just pay on that and make sure it's paid back before 12 months.

I went through the application with her, she got the card today. I advised her not to be silly with it (but at the end of the day, she's an adult and has to look after herself).

She's just come back 10 minutes ago and bought a £100 mirror that she has been looking for for a while.

I've had a little bit of an argument with her. I went into my overdraft to help her out as she NEEDED the money to live on, yet she's just purchased a mirror for £100, claiming she's been looking for one for a long time and this one was perfect for the living room.

I explained to her I'm really annoyed as it wasn't a necessity and could have waited. The card has to be paid back. It's not free money, and asked her how she thinks it makes me feel.

I'm really annoyed. I try and help her out so much, but she doesn't understand how much this has p!ss£d me off. I'm 18 and have more sense of money then her and she's 45!!!

Zazen999

Was the living room in need of a new mirror then?

I'd be just as angry; you can't eat glass.

BitterAndTwisted

It's always so frustrating when other people make decisions which you wouldn't make yourself!

All you can do is to continue giving your wise advice and try desperately not to voice an opinion about what choices she makes.

Be prepared to have your housekeeping contributions raised this time next year when the card-issuer starts charging interest!

tandraig

hun, if she is 45 and STILL cant manage her finances........she never will! I know people like her and have learned the hard way not to lend them money thinking they will spend it wisely. instead I buy the necessities for them! when it comes to petrol money - do you drive? could you go fill the tank for her? could you occasionally do the grocery shop and pay for that rather than loaning actual money? you sound like a lovely daughter and you say your brother lives at home too? cant he chip in now and again? or is he younger and not earning?

TheEffect

tandraig wrote: »

hun, if she is 45 and STILL cant manage her finances........she never will! I know people like her and have learned the hard way not to lend them money thinking they will spend it wisely. instead I buy the necessities for them! when it comes to petrol money - do you drive? could you go fill the tank for her? could you occasionally do the grocery shop and pay for that rather than loaning actual money? you sound like a lovely daughter and you say your brother lives at home too? cant he chip in now and again? or is he younger and not earning?

I'm male...

I don't drive, however I went with her to pay for the petrol. The £200 was to cover bills that were coming out of her account the next few days. My brother is older, but not earning as much as me (he's doing an apprenticeship and on £100 a week, so pays no housekeep or anything). I earn £250 a week, but will be going to university in september so trying to save as much as I can.

mrcow

How much rent do you pay her each month?
How much does your brother pay her?

Perhaps you need to increase whatever you are paying. I'd be fuming if one of my children had a go about me spending £100 on something I wanted.

tandraig

my deepest apologies hun for changing your sex! you sound like a lovely son! better?
btw my kids always chipped in with housekeeping even when on benefit and even if it was only a fiver - they HAD to contribute SOMETHING. when money is that tight even paying the milkman can be a struggle so as the famous supermarket says 'Every little helps'.

TheEffect

mrcow wrote: »

How much rent do you pay her each month?
How much does your brother pay her?

Perhaps you need to increase whatever you are paying. I'd be fuming if one of my children had a go about me spending £100 on something I wanted.

I pay £200 a month.
My brother pay £0, as he isn't earning that much.

My brother should pay something, but my mum does not take anything off him. I've told her she should take something or even put the broadband direct debit into his account (£7.50 a month), but he bounces direct debits all the time and always gets bank charges, so it's probably a bad idea as I use the internet the most and wouldn't want it cut off.

I gave up a long time ago advising her to take money from my brother. Even when he was earning nearly £350 a week, she took barely anything from him, but wont have a problem asking me for my rent early/more.

mrcow

TheEffect wrote: »

I pay £200 a month.
My brother pay £0, as he isn't earning that much.

You said you paid her £200 for the rent to help her out. Is this a regular payment as you've stated before that she said you were to pay nothing?

It's a bit rich havng a go at her spending when you're living there rent free do you not think?

If she is that hard up, why not pay her that £90 per week that you were going to pay elsewhere.

Does she cook and clean for you too?

butler_helen

TheEffect wrote: »

I pay £200 a month.
My brother pay £0, as he isn't earning that much.

My brother should pay something, but my mum does not take anything off him. I've told her she should take something or even put the broadband direct debit into his account (£7.50 a month), but he bounces direct debits all the time and always gets bank charges, so it's probably a bad idea as I use the internet the most and wouldn't want it cut off.

I gave up a long time ago advising her to take money from my brother. Even when he was earning nearly £350 a week, she took barely anything from him, but wont have a problem asking me for my rent early/more.

Not sure it helps, however could you ask your mum to work everything out pro-rata? so you earn £250 per week and he earns £100 so you pay £2.50 for every £1 he pays? so you pay £50 a week and he pays £20? That was the suggestion I made to my mum, even if the value I paid to her each week/month varied.

I would be annoyed too, however in our house I am the one buying things I shouldn't so I understand where her head was at!

TheEffect

mrcow wrote: »

You said you paid her £200 for the rent to help her out. Is this a regular payment as you've stated before that she said you were to pay nothing?

It's a bit rich havng a go at her spending when you're living there rent free do you not think?

If she is that hard up, why not pay her that £90 per week that you were going to pay elsewhere.

Does she cook and clean for you too?

I pay her £200 per month. I'd already paid her £200 for December, and paid her an extra £200 for Januarys. I haven't stated before that she said I were to pay nothing....

I'm not living there rent free...

We share the cooking/cleaning between the 3 of us.

butler_helen wrote: »

Not sure it helps, however could you ask your mum to work everything out pro-rata? so you earn £250 per week and he earns £100 so you pay £2.50 for every £1 he pays? so you pay £50 a week and he pays £20? That was the suggestion I made to my mum, even if the value I paid to her each week/month varied.

I would be annoyed too, however in our house I am the one buying things I shouldn't so I understand where her head was at!

According to my mum and brother, he has nothing left after his car insurance,tax,petrol and his mobile phone bill comes out.