Was I wrong to say thank you?

elaine373

you were definitely in the right and they sound awful.Your little boy is blessed to have a mum like you and not a crude mother like them,Do allow yourself the odd slip though........maybe by telling them where they can stick their views:rotfl:They sound jealous.

melancholly

no thank you.... no more presents! simple rules in my family!

to mock you about it to your face is unbelievably rude, even if they thought that! i hope you don't have to spend all of Christmas with them!

Mely

Op, you are bringing up your son to be a lovely, polite little boy! I know that when i receive little handwritten thank you notes off my nephews etc.it makes my day!
Mel x

Kay_Peel

While I don't like the way the SILs expressed it, part of me can understand their view of the fakeness and falsity surrounding Thank You notes.

One Christmas Day, I was catering for 12 adults, my baby and my toddler. I specifically asked my in-laws not to give my children any presents without calling me from the kitchen. We Mums need to know who has given what if they are to (a) remind the child that nice Auntie Sarah gave her the cuddly toy and(b) send a thank you note.

The beggars went ahead without me. When I went into the front room, there was a mound of paper, and a pile of discarded toys, clothes and nick nacks. The adults were looking a bit disappointed. Had I been there, I would have been able to ensure that the child reacted politely ("ooh look what Auntie Sarah's given you. Isn't it lovely. Just what you wanted.") Without me there, the child just threw it to one side and started on the next parcel. That's what small children do - they are NOT POLITE unless closely supervised. In fact, they can be frightened by some presents if they are noisy or scarey.

Over the coming weeks, the children were reminded by Grandma and Aunt Sarah et al that they hadn't sent Thank You cards. Of course, it was said within my hearing because the admonishment was really for me. I explained that since I didn't know who had given what, they wouldn't be getting cards. I also said that they probably wouldn't get cards until the children were much older and could write. They weren't happy but tough.

I believe in genuine thank you notes from children who mean it. I'm really not that fussed to get fake ones that busy Mums feel pressurised into sending, or because it's their idea of politeness. In other words, I wouldn't expect anything from a child under the age of 9 years.

patchwork_cat

If the children have opened the presents infront of the giver then no I don't send a card ( although possibly should ), but if the giver wasn't there and hasn't been thanked always.

I would never criticise someone for sending a thank you in any circumstances- it is good manners. What is sad is that your SIL's are so insecure that they dissed you for going to the trouble. Are they your MIL's daughters or married to MIL's other sons?

Reggie_Rebel

Good News - you know the correct thing to do and are passing this on to your chidren

Bad News - You have married into the Vikki Pollard's family

Pee

I haven't read any of the responses, but yes, I think you did do something wrong. You have had a child with someone whose family has no manners. I do hope your child's father has better manners than the rest of the family but eitherway i think manners are a matter of nuture rather than nature, so I think your children will be fine. I do hope it doesn't skip a generation... I don't think it will.

Well done you for writing the letters/ helping your child to.

LilacPixie

I don't send thank you cards. Never really have but i do thank each person verbally and ensure that my kids do too. The whole thank you card has just never been the 'done' thing in our social circle but i/we certainly would not be rude to someone who did choose to send cards

Silverbird

I think it's lovely and is exactly what I did when I was little.

I have 2 nieces and a nephew and we never hear from them at all on their birthdays and at Christmas (despite sending cards and presents). I couldn't believe it the first time it happened, but OH told me it's normal for them not to call to say thank you.

I think it's pretty shocking. It doesn't take 2 minutes to call somebody and thank them for your card and present and I think kids should be brought up to respect this and do it without any thought. I shall certainly be instilling this in my own children.

I would agree that these pair probably realised they're not as socially graced as you and this was their reaction to their embarrassment over this. Ignore it and carry on - it's lovely!

ceebeeby

Sarahlou wrote: »

I asked one SIL what could I get her little girl for Xmas and her answer was "tell me how much you're spending and I'll tell you what to get" :eek:

Ha-ha, I'd be buying her little girl a stationery set and a wee book on how to write letters!!!