Walking home

ceridwen

FAITH, FAITH, FAITH:eek:

Oh dear......well...I guess from that that you can work out what my feelings are about that.

I have quite a parcel of reservations about this:
- where were you planning to sleep each night en route? I have a distinct feeling that it would mean under a hedge/in a barn/wherever you could. i seriously dont recommend trying to "sleep rough" - particularly with you being a young/reasonable-looking woman:eek:. Goodness only knows what would happen to you if you did.....and at this time of year too in all the cold, wet weather. FAITH:eek:. Do you seriously want to be at risk of getting raped or robbed or, at the very least very tired/hungry/dirty? For goodness sake....dont even think of it. No - I honestly do not think the Convent would see this as you doing some sort of "pilgrimage to return to the Faith" - that thought would cross their mind (same as it would cross my mind) - BUT BUT BUT - they would then go on to thinking you were utterly wrong and foolhardy to do it and quite possibly send you back out again back to your employer (who may or may not accept you back - my feeling is that they probably would - but I dont think its fair to presume on their kind nature).

- No - I dont think it would demonstrate to the convent AT ALL that you are ready/fit to come back in again. What I DO think it would demonstrate is lack of commitment and lack of concern for your employer and that you were trying to hold them (ie the convent and God) to ransom.

- As I know who your employer is and why you are needed there - then I also know that they are a nice person/have been very good to you/and need the help you are providing for them and their child. Please dont leave them in the lurch - I am the last person normally to have that much sympathy with employers - but I do know what this one you have is like and have always been quite happy for you to be there. They do not deserve to be "left in the lurch" - particularly with Christmas coming up. Their child has become attached to you as well - think about that child.

I fully understand/we all fully understand JUST how much you want to go back into the convent - but YOU ARE NOT READY YET - believe me.

Please stay exactly where you are Faith - help out/learn what "lessons" you can there and WAIT...

Perhaps the watchword for the New Year could be "waiting with Grace".

ceridwen

jamespir wrote: »

if youre doing 25 miles a day where are you going to sleep i wouldnt advice a young lady as yourself yo sleep rough ive done it and its a very harrowing experience

Take note Faith - this is a man saying this. Imagine what a woman would have to say to you...:cool:

After all - you mentioned on a previous post that your parents worked with the homeless when you were young - so you DO know better than most of us just what risks you would be taking here.

bestpud

I haven't read all the background but I thnk I have the gist, and this idea comes across more as manipulation than anything else.

If you were asked to leave because you were 'unstable', I can't see how something like this will convince them otherwise.

Stop looking for the easy answer - it won't work and you are just tormenting yourself by trying.

Zazen999

faithcecilia wrote: »

I have checked and have walking directions here back to Quidenham. I am so unhappy I am thinking of doing it, will take about a week. What do I need to have with me for a weeks walk besidesgood trainers and clean knickers??

Faith honey. Whereabouts are you at the moment? The time out of the convent has been given to you for a reason, and they will be expecting you to find yourself out here before you will be allowed back in again.

Walking 175 miles across the country in December will not further your cause, in fact they might decide that you need twice as long out 'here'. All you'll get is ill, frostbite, piles and sore feet if you attempt this.

I am asking where you are to see if someone from here can at least have a coffee with you and try and provide some support whilst you are winding your way through the mire.

DVardysShadow

faithcecilia, I have only taken a brief scan over your previous posts, I don't really know you and I am only inferring your story from snippets. But I think you are one of those special people for whom doing a hard thing is actually taking the easy way out.

RAS

faithcecilia wrote: »

Iys 175 milws, 25miles is fair days walk but cold poss managed 30. I beed to be home, in a routine and environment I know Living the life I KNOW God is calling me to lead. I need to go home.

Faith

I do not do God, so cannot help you there, but I back-pack and wild camp even in the less favourable seasons. Unless you have a very good full-length sleeping mat, a 5 season sleeping bag and a weather-proof shelter, please do not consider sleeping out. The last thing anyone, including God, wants is for you to be hospitalised with hypothermia.

And as a woman, I can tell you from experience that you need to be very careful of your safety.

One thing I have noted in your recent posts is that you consistently refer to the convent as home. I appreciate that you do not have another place to call your own but right now home is where you lay your head, albeit that you are sharing with other people. I suspect that it is only when you stop feeling the need to "go back home" that the convent will consider you ready to join them again.

You can serve God as fully and completely whether you are at the convent or in the big city.

What you may be looking for it the opportunity to reflect, be quiet and peaceful, which may be hard in a family environment. Allow yourself to find that in other places (it is one of the reasons why I back-pack and wild camp).

My own experience is that those times when I feel very out of sorts and sometimes quite distressed indicate that something important is happening. It took me a decade to learn to sit with that feeling however uncomfortable and let it happen because experience taught me that in that way the issue would be resolved even though I may not have be conciously dealing with it. In fact trying to deal with it conciously generally gets in the way, completely scuppers things and leaves me more distressed.

I have since leaned about this organisation http://www.focusing.org which you may find interesting.

RAS


PS. I also recommend thermal knickers.

bestpud

RAS wrote: »

Faith

I do not do God, so cannot help you there, but I back-pack and wild camp even in the less favourable seasons. Unless you have a very good full-length sleeping mat, a 5 season sleeping bag and a weather-proof shelter, please do not consider sleeping out. The last thing anyone, including God, wants is for you to be hospitalised with hypothermia.

And as a woman, I can tell you from experience that you need to be very careful of your safety.

One thing I have noted in your recent posts is that you consistently refer to the convent as home. I appreciate that you do not have another place to call your own but right now home is where you lay your head, albeit that you are sharing with other people. I suspect that it is only when you stop feeling the need to "go back home" that the convent will consider you ready to join them again.

You can serve God as fully and completely whether you are at the convent or in the big city.

What you may be looking for it the opportunity to reflect, be quiet and peaceful, which may be hard in a family environment. Allow yourself to find that in other places (it is one of the reasons why I back-pack and wild camp).

My own experience is that those times when I feel very out of sorts and sometimes quite distressed indicate that something important is happening. It took me a decade to learn to sit with that feeling however uncomfortable and let it happen because experience taught me that in that way the issue would be resolved even though I may not have be conciously dealing with it. In fact trying to deal with it conciously generally gets in the way, completely scuppers things and leaves me more distressed.

I have since leaned about this organisation http://www.focusing.org which you may find interesting.

RAS


PS. I also recommend thermal knickers.

:rotfl:

Sorry, but that made me laugh!

RAS

faithcecilia wrote: »

What do I need to have with me for a weeks walk besidesgood trainers and clean knickers??

Yep but relevant

lostinrates

Did something in particular promt the plan to walk, or is everything mounting up?

Also, have you become part of the Church community where you are living now?

I agree whole heartedly with ceridwen and emmzi that the message this would give is the opposite to what you hope. I dn't know, but I can't help feeling that the feeling on this in the religious context would be that this period in time must be part of God's plan for you, and thus you must resolve yourself to comly with that.

Best wishes FaithCecilia

faithcecilia

Goodness, I don't remember writing that, I was soooo upset last night. Yes, it did cross my mind to just walk, and I did look up directions, but will not be doing it - for now anyway.

These feelings are always there, under the surface bu only just. Strangely, they ofter pop out after a 'good' counselling session, which had yesterday.

I would not leave my employer in the lurch - and my unhappiness is inspite of her kindness, not because she is a wicked, cruel employer, constantly cracking the whip:rotfl:I actually feel guilty because I know she would 'make it all better' if she could.

I think you are one of those special people for whom doing a hard thing is actually taking the easy way out.

Yes, I think that might be right (though would probably remove 'special').

Thanks for all the support on here, I am trying to be as normal as possible, but sometimes I need an outlet for my madness, an I'm afraid you tend to get it!