Update and question about CAFCASS

Rikki

The CAFCAS officer appointed by the courts often want to see and speak with the children in their own homes too. Going to court and having the judge instruct a CAFCAS officer can be just the beginning. It can take time,money and the results are not always going to be exactly what you wish for.

space_rider

Rikki wrote: »

The CAFCAS officer appointed by the courts often want to see and speak with the children in their own homes too. Going to court and having the judge instruct a CAFCAS officer can be just the beginning. It can take time,money and the results are not always going to be exactly what you wish for.

My daughter had a cafcass officer visit her at school and I wasn`t told until after he`d been. I represented myself although I had to pay for child care and had to take time off work. We agreed to contact as I knew it wouldn`t be looked at favourable to say no. He only made it a few times and hasn`t bothered for over 18 months. Reason I said no in the beginning was because he hadn`t seen her for several years, his choice.

I wish I had found the money and got a solicitor, maybe he wouldn`t have got contact and then my daughter wouldn`t be wondering why her father stopped seeing her. She hadn`t seen him from 18 months to 7 so had no recollection.

maggied_2

Rikki wrote: »

The CAFCAS officer appointed by the courts often want to see and speak with the children in their own homes too. Going to court and having the judge instruct a CAFCAS officer can be just the beginning. It can take time,money and the results are not always going to be exactly what you wish for.

We're prepared for a non favourable outcome. However OH is only going for PR plus the access he currently has. Reason for this is that X regularly threatens him with withdrawing his access when she's spat her dummy out for something. Most recently she stopped us taking DD on holiday at half time and then said OH wouldn't be seeing her at Christmas either.

He just wants organised access that his X can't withdraw on a whim in order to get her own way.

CAFCASS are supposed to be there on Wednesday to OH and X separately before the hearing.

If OH turning up on Wednesday when X has said she won't be there (and I honestly can't believe any employer would disallow time off to attend a court hearing regarding a child but anyway...) is going to look arrogant then he will have to rethink.

As I said, our concern is that if this hearing is cancelled then she could delay the next and the next.

Thanks again for the help.

Rikki

space_rider wrote: »

My daughter had a cafcass officer visit her at school and I wasn`t told until after he`d been. I represented myself although I had to pay for child care and had to take time off work. We agreed to contact as I knew it wouldn`t be looked at favourable to say no. He only made it a few times and hasn`t bothered for over 18 months. Reason I said no in the beginning was because he hadn`t seen her for several years, his choice.

I wish I had found the money and got a solicitor, maybe he wouldn`t have got contact and then my daughter wouldn`t be wondering why her father stopped seeing her. She hadn`t seen him from 18 months to 7 so had no recollection.

They do like to see the children in an environment where they feel comfortable. So school, home both place where the children feel relaxed.

It's a shame when the NRP only stay in a child's life for a short time.

maggied_2

space_rider wrote: »

My daughter had a cafcass officer visit her at school and I wasn`t told until after he`d been. I represented myself although I had to pay for child care and had to take time off work. We agreed to contact as I knew it wouldn`t be looked at favourable to say no. He only made it a few times and hasn`t bothered for over 18 months. Reason I said no in the beginning was because he hadn`t seen her for several years, his choice.

I wish I had found the money and got a solicitor, maybe he wouldn`t have got contact and then my daughter wouldn`t be wondering why her father stopped seeing her. She hadn`t seen him from 18 months to 7 so had no recollection.

That really is such a shame. Did he initiate proceedings?

OH really doesn't want to be lumped in with blokes who act in that way (no offence intended). He has seen his DD for what works out as 5 nights per fortnight for several years now, plus takes her to swimming lessons once a week, plus his mum takes care of her after school 2 evenings a week so it's not like he and his family aren't involved.

I'm now slightly concerned that instructing a solicitor can come over badly...surely the courts are quite used to this?

We're really in 2 minds about how to proceed now:

Option 1: turn up for court on Wednesday and get viewed as 'point scoring' but at least court will demand that ex shows up to next hearing

Option 2: ask the court to reschedule which could happen over and over again as X has said she'll fight OH 'all the way'. :mad:. Meanwhile we get charged by solicitor each time they have to write a response to her cancellation.

Solicitor has advised one course of action but I don't want to say what it is. Obviously he has an agenda to follow as well - we're not so thick to think that he's in this for our best interests.

Rikki

maggied wrote: »

We're prepared for a non favourable outcome. However OH is only going for PR plus the access he currently has. Reason for this is that X regularly threatens him with withdrawing his access when she's spat her dummy out for something. Most recently she stopped us taking DD on holiday at half time and then said OH wouldn't be seeing her at Christmas either.

He just wants organised access that his X can't withdraw on a whim in order to get her own way.

CAFCASS are supposed to be there on Wednesday to OH and X separately before the hearing.

If OH turning up on Wednesday when X has said she won't be there (and I honestly can't believe any employer would disallow time off to attend a court hearing regarding a child but anyway...) is going to look arrogant then he will have to rethink.

As I said, our concern is that if this hearing is cancelled then she could delay the next and the next.

Thanks again for the help.

I hope it does go well for you and your OH can have the relationship with his daughter.

You can go to court and get an order to allow you to take the child on holiday. ie: out of the country etc. I would mention her stopping you taking her on holiday and this Christmas too.

I would go to court, explain to the judge if she doesn't turn up this is what she threatened and is like all the time, self, self self. Tell him you could have cancelled but who is to say she would turn up next time. You went ahead to bring it to the attention of the courts and CAFCAS hopefully getting some sort of structure putting in place sooner rather than later. You want to be able to make plans for days out and spend time with her without her suddenly saying you can't see her that time.

Make a list of points you want to get across. Stay calm and speak clearly.

Also remember you are a part of this young ladies life too and I hope your OH appreciates all your trying to do.

speedster

Rikki wrote: »

I hope it does go well for you and your OH can have the relationship with his daughter.

You can go to court and get an order to allow you to take the child on holiday. ie: out of the country etc. I would mention her stopping you taking her on holiday and this Christmas too.

I would go to court, explain to the judge if she doesn't turn up this is what she threatened and is like all the time, self, self self. Tell him you could have cancelled but who is to say she would turn up next time. You went ahead to bring it to the attention of the courts and CAFCAS hopefully getting some sort of structure putting in place sooner rather than later. You want to be able to make plans for days out and spend time with her without her suddenly saying you can't see her that time.

Make a list of points you want to get across. Stay calm and speak clearly.

Also remember you are a part of this young ladies life too and I hope your OH appreciates all your trying to do.

sorry mate, but that is terrible advice.

trust me, if he went into court with that attitude, he'd get flamed by the judge and get nowhere.

the judge is there to ensure the best interests of the child are met.

sour grapes make a sh1te case.

Rikki

Originally Posted by Rikki
I hope it does go well for you and your OH can have the relationship with his daughter.

You can go to court and get an order to allow you to take the child on holiday. ie: out of the country etc. I would mention her stopping you taking her on holiday and this Christmas too.

I would go to court, explain to the judge if she doesn't turn up this is what she threatened and is like all the time, self, self self. Tell him you could have cancelled but who is to say she would turn up next time. You went ahead to bring it to the attention of the courts and CAFCAS hopefully getting some sort of structure putting in place sooner rather than later. You want to be able to make plans for days out and spend time with her without her suddenly saying you can't see her that time.

Make a list of points you want to get across. Stay calm and speak clearly.

Also remember you are a part of this young ladies life too and I hope your OH appreciates all your trying to do.

speedster wrote: »

sorry mate, but that is terrible advice.

trust me, if he went into court with that attitude, he'd get flamed by the judge and get nowhere.

the judge is there to ensure the best interests of the child are met.

sour grapes make a sh1te case.

You may be surprised about what the judges take on board. I have been through this and it's quite complexed.

I said go to court, make a list of your points and stay calm.
Red writing is fact, this has happened.
Blue is what you could say if she doesn't turn up.

Nothing there with attitude, I'm afraid.

speedster

you cant seriously advise anyone to go into court and imply their ex is selfish.

the moment you get personal, you lose. end of.

if you've been there, you should know this.

maggied_2

Thanks Rikki - very constructive advice. Sol has noted points about Christmas / holidays etc.
Luckily OH is extremely laid back and calm and I think he'll keep his cool in court.

Also remember you are a part of this young ladies life too and I hope your OH appreciates all your trying to do.

He does! I have a great relationship with his DD and when she's here we all rub along great - very 'normal'!