Update and question about CAFCASS

maggied_2

I'm not au fait with the terminology here! What's a shuttle hearing? He was given the choice of being in a hearing together or separately - knowing his ex (see past posts!) he thought it would be better to be heard alone.

Can you expand?

speedster

being heard separately or shuttling between party's can make progress very slow and difficult to work through issues.

normally only of use when there is a history of violence, bullying etc. but not the best way forward as you're limited as to what points you can put across.

LizzieS_2

speedster wrote: »

being heard separately or shuttling between party's can make progress very slow and difficult to work through issues.

normally only of use when there is a history of violence, bullying etc. but not the best way forward as you're limited as to what points you can put across.

Would this be a good comparison? Shuttling is the same as writing letters for each other to answer with the added complexity that an outsider may decide to treat some of your questions as irrelevant (even if they actually are relevant and the outsider has missed why), whereas a joint hearing allows full interaction of both parties and the outsider.

maggied_2

So would it better for my OH to say he would like to be heard alongside his ex? He doesn't want to see her and is concerned about it being very confrontational.

Loopy_Girl

maggied wrote: »

So would it better for my OH to say he would like to be heard alongside his ex? He doesn't want to see her and is concerned about it being very confrontational.

But from what speedster is saying, if your hubby keeps his cool and conducts himself appropriately and ALWAYS makes it clear that his intentions are for the good of the child and then lets her go off her rocker and says nothing then the court are going to be able to see it and see what kind of PWC and also NRP they are dealing with.

Do you think he could stand and take any crap off her and just stay calm cos from what speedster says, it would certainly work in his favour?

Blonde_Bint

That was my thought too Loopy. He should go to court with her, let the court see her going off on one then they can see that he isnt making it up. Long as NRP doesnt retaliate it would be a good result for him. Totally understand he doesnt want to see her I get that but in this case I think i'd make an exception let her shoot herself in the foot.

It worked for us, our pwc is a right numpty, and she gave the Judge and everyone else in that court room ring side seats to her performance. This showed the Judge exactly the kind of persons he was dealing with we got a good result and her card was well and truly marked.

maggied_2

OK - I take your points -I'll speak to him about it. He would very easily be able to stay calm if she kicked off - he's been doing it for years :rolleyes:

She's a very good actress and very good at doing the 'poor me' bit whilst making my OH out to be a pig - I think that's why he doesn't want to be forced into a public discussion with her.

He's very laid back whilst she's....a bit bonkers (I'm being very generous there) but not brilliant at articulating himself, especially in the face of her verbal onslaughts. She can be very manipulative to the point where OH would come back from one of said onslaughts asking "am I actually in the wrong here?" - when he absolutely wasn't IYSWIM.

Loopy_Girl

maggied wrote: »

He's very laid back whilst she's....a bit bonkers

Sounds like he could be onto a winner there then;) and tell him not to worry what the courts may hear from her...I'm sure they've have more than one embittered bonkers PWC and it's all water off a ducks back to them;)

In fact, the more wild the accusations and the more calm he stays can only be a good thing....:D

(and as a side note, women (or should that be 'wimmen') make me embarrassed to be a female sometimes...and bloody raging cos we all get tarred with the same brush:mad:)

maggied_2

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Sounds like he could be onto a winner there then;) and tell him not to worry what the courts may hear from her...I'm sure they've have more than one embittered bonkers PWC and it's all water off a ducks back to them;)

In fact, the more wild the accusations and the more calm he stays can only be a good thing....:D

(and as a side note, women (or should that be 'wimmen') make me embarrassed to be a female sometimes...and bloody raging cos we all get tarred with the same brush:mad:)

All good points! I'll talk to him and see how he'd feel about it. I don't know whether the solicitor went through the pros and cons of each scenario with him.

She really is the ultimate nightmare woman - if I ever have a son I'll be using her as an example of a woman to give a wide berth to :rotfl:

speedster

maggied wrote: »

So would it better for my OH to say he would like to be heard alongside his ex? He doesn't want to see her and is concerned about it being very confrontational.

er. that's EXACTLY how you want it to go. trust me, judges, mediators, cafcrap etc, have heard it all before so know what to do when they come up against idiots like that.

the absolute best thing to happen is for her to start raring up. it will give the court a good indication of the posessiveness and how unreasonable the pwc is.

my stooooopid ex, (when provoked! :rolleyes:) jumped up, slammed her fists on the table and hollered "YOU'RE JUST LUCKY I LET YOU SEE HER AT ALL"

the judge went ape !!!!!! at her and from that point on, he's had a view of her and everytime she started with her attitude, she got a new one torn for her!! :rotfl::rotfl: