How important is....

Ivrytwr3

Once on a morning, once over lunch (secretary helps me out with this one) and then before i go to sleep.

Anything less and i'm miserable.

tori.k

Ask yourself honestly is there that tangible spark between you or do you just feel companionship.
i think most people have had a relationship at some point where they have met someone who is so right for them in everyway but the sexual chemistry just isn't there.
To me sex is very important in a relationship,In my case and most other's you share you love/compassion/empathy with the world, but sexual intimacy is where my hubby has me all to himself

jamespir

so whats this sex word you talking about is it good

lostinrates

cherry_blossom wrote: »

- hes not a great talker

He's not intimate verbally as well as physically? It would concern me more that he won't talk about it...suppose other things become a problem and he doesn't want to talk about them?

sex is important in my marriage, to both of us, but there are times when priorities change a little for a while. Our openness and intimacy and ability t remain open and in dialogue about anything troubling us is what maintains the relationship.

squirrelchops

I would say intimacy as opposed to sex is very important. Intimacy is not jsut aobut sex but being close to someone, kissing, holding hands and a real sense of belonging.

You can have all the sex in the world and never find intimacy...trust me i should know! My OH and I don't have lots of sex but are very intimate. We both feel almost tired of the whole sex thing having both played about a lot so in a way sex isn't special to us (sad but true) whereas being intimate and loving is very special.

windswept

Go on to mumsnet and see how the lack of sex kills relationships, lots of very unhappy women on there contemplating affairs - a woman's sex drive increases as she gets older, especially once child rearing is done with, think how you would feel if you are absolutely desperate for sex and you have a husband who continually rejects you.
Great sex, along with intimacy, is essential in a marriage, he needs his testosterone levels checked asap to see if he has physical issues - this will destroy you eventually, it will be like a cancer eating away at your self esteem.

If you are like this now, after such a short time, how will you feel after 25 years?

One person withdrawing from sex (long term for no apparent reason) in a marriage is a deal breaker imho.

You deserve better and so does he, I can't imagine being happy in my marriage without fantastic sex .

valkirn

Me and my oh have been together for 5 years, and i couldnt honestly imagine just putting up with cuddles, dont get me wrong i love being cuddled but i dont think i could stay if that was all my oh could offer me x

We have had a period of abstinence when i had a miscarriage and he thought he was going to hurt me if we did anything, but once we got to the root of the problem (ie the hurting me bit) we were fine again xx

The only thing i thing you should be thinking of at the mo is how your going to feel in your relationship several years down the line, and if this carries on are you going to be happy with it or will you end up resenting him xx

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

Hmm strange one. I never really think about the amount of sex we have. Me and OH are both 24 but kind of like an old married couple already Been together nearly 9 years though.

Neither of us hold back when it comes to sex, just when it happens it happens if you like. Sometimes we don't have sex for up to 2 months, sometimes its 4 or 5 times a week. There is never a problem as we are always cuddly and loving to one another. I usually find kissing the best thing - most intimate if you like. OH loves it too.

Saying that when we sleep we always are close together (unless he is on nights of course) and we always wake and one of us has a arm or leg on the other. Almost like that is our way of staying intimate. Lol, i prob sound like a right plum but i hope you get what i mean.

I would be concerned if there was none, then again it'd prob take me a few months to realise there had been none. My OH is the same, lol!

Having said all that, being told you are not allowed to have sex has the opposite effect on us. I am pregnant at the mo with our second, i had alot of complications in the begging so was told to refrain from sex for 3 months. My god that was the hardest 3 months for both of us, lol!

I think you need to talk to him, even if he isn't a talker it's worth a try. Maybe tell him you still love him and it has nothing to do with losing feelings but you are just wondering why there has been this lack of doing the deed. And ask if you can try, have a nice sensual evening in, a bath or shower together is great and see if it leads on to some fun time

MrsTinks

The fact you have felt the need to come on an online forum to ask should really tell you the answer...
You need to talk to him about this - and ideally you need to do so before the wedding...

grastgirl

Maybe it's a strange thought in his head, something like abstaining before you get married? Some people do this to make it more special on the wedding night.

I suspect it is important medically (and for your relationship) whether it is a lack of desire or a lack of ability. If he doesn't get erections at night/first thing there might be something medically wrong.