How important is....

cherry_blossom_2

sexin your relationship - i am getting married in 2 months to a man i totally adore we get on great and he is happy to cuddle up on the settee but we have absolutely no sex life at all - this has been for the last 2 years of the 4 we have been together and i was just wondering what people thought about it. for the most part it doesnt bother me but just occasionally it really frustrates me!! any thoughts???

BitterAndTwisted

I just couldn't face a long-term partnership with the prospect of no active sex-life, especially in the early years. I guess it all depends on the reason why the sex is lacking or absent

Nixxx

I think it depends on the balance of desire. If you both have no desire then fair enough, but once the balance shifts then there will be a problem. I think it is best that you talk to each other to find what each of your needs are and find a way to fulfill both.

ladylumps45

i dont think sex is the be all and end all in a relationship but intimacy keeps that closeness that most people need with their loved one.
its great that he can cuddle without it leading to sex but none is 2 years is not common i would think.
does it ever get spoken about? does he refuse you or do you both not make a move?

cherry_blossom_2

my desire is def greater than his but not enough for me to consider cheating or anything like that - hes not a great talker believe me i have tried and suggested he go to the doctors or speaks to someone but he wont have any of it - i guess i jsut need people to tell me im not missing anything and its perfectly normal!!!

ladylumps45

well if you have been together for 4 years then it does get less in my experience but it hasnt gone to nothing.
is he depressed? on medication? maybe there are reasons for it.
you could always try seducing him or slipping a pill in his drink that makes him randy lol.........

cherry_blossom_2

seducin hasnt worked so pills may be my only option left :-)

busiscoming2

If you are both happy with the situation then there is no problem, but it isn't normal to have no sex life at all. Do you not even have foreplay?

I know that I personally would have to find out why he has no desire, has he had a bad experience previously, or is he squashing feelings towards the same sex? Does he never get an erection?

If you aren't 100% certain you can live like this for ever, I would seriously reconsider marrying him.

Maddie

I would also agree that it is definately a big problem if the your desire is higher than his.

Its lovely that you love him enough to have coped for so long but a lifetime is a very long time and it will surely be easier to tackle sooner rather than later.

Also - do you want kids? Me and OH have been trying since May and believe me its hard enough as it is nevermind with a major complication such as this!

Lincoln_Imp

For me the only time its a problem is when one wants it and the other doesnt ,that causes more arguments in our house than anything else
but if you really love him then you will live with it no matter what but as its been mentioned there might be an underlying problem causing this
and talking it through might get to the bottom of it
please dont take this the wrong way and without getting too rude you could always buy something to help you relieve your frustrations

Barneysmom

I think it is important to you, else why ask?
I think you should maybe try and sort it out before you get married?