Tricky situation

OJQ1982

lynzpower wrote: »

What I dont understand in all this, is after you had slept together that one time, I dont understand why he has got back with the ex jsut because she has moved slightly closer.

He could have not bothered to do that, and be with you, but strangely he didnt ( as you are so close/get onso well etc) The fact that he is willing to continue to hang on to her, depsite already splitting with her first, and sleeping with someone else- lines it out to me.

He doesnt want to have a relationship with you, and even tho the relationship with her is reportedly a boit crap, he doesnt want to jack it in just yet.

I jsut cant understand if you are so close, why he would go back to this other woman. Either he loves her and cant live without her , or he is relationship addicted and cant be single.

Either way, not a great prospect!

I think it was the timing. His getting back with this girl was on the cards already, and I was just out of a major, major relationship. Things have also developed big time since then.

Also, she didn't only move slightly closer, she moved from a different continent to the same country.

glossgal

No offence intented OP but you sound a little intense on the relationship front. You split with your ex who you 'loved so much' and almost immediately got with this fella who you now say is 'the man I'm meant to be with' ...why don't you just chill and enjoy being young?! I don't mean that to sound patronising as I'm not much older than you but really, what's the rush?

I think this man is ultimately doing what lots of men do-taking it when it's for the taking. I don't doubt he likes you and that you are good friends or that he is a good bloke but men like sex and if they can get it they will enjoy it and worry about the complicated stuff later. If a person is in a crappy relationship that gives them no peasure then they would leave it. I hate to say so but if this guy has no kids or financial ties with his girlfriend then if he really wanted you he would be with you

BitterAndTwisted

If he's not committed to the relationship with this other woman then he's behaving very shabbily and will treat you just as shabbily if you let him. I'd try and draw a line under this while you still can. I forsee nothing but the potential for abject misery if you do not.

DeeDee74

op if u have such a connection with this man,why did he go bk to his ex as soon as she moved?
he's prob loving the fact that he has gf does he live with her? and sleeping with u when he chooses.
he's cheating on her to be with u. if he does leave her to be with u there allway's be a chance there's another just like u around the corner..
hence he did it to her he'd do it to u.

dieselhead

As you seem to be continually justifying yourself to every post that you don't like the sound of, it sounds to me like you have made your mind up and you want to us to tell you to get on with it. I think you are on the re-bound, I also think that this guy has taken advantage of you when you are vulnerable, cheating on his girlfriend in the process.

He does not sound like a great guy to be honest, but I have a funny feeling that what ever posts you get on here you arn't going to change the way you feel.

Ruby_Moon

Oh classic! I haven't come across this classic situation for about 2 weeks now! It even has all the old classic lines!
Welcome to the world of being "The Other Woman".

DeeDee74

why is this not genuine post?

downcdebt

In my experience, I would try and steer well clear of someone who admits (either directly or indirectly) that they are a committment phobe. Usually they have a few issues (eg if they have been divorced, been through hell...) or they are just trying to put it about and keep their options open. Please please dont waste your precious time and energy on someone who can not stand up and say "I want to be with you, I will try and make it work" And then follow that through with actions.

I wasted many many years of my life on someone who I kept hoping would 'come round'. We too, were great friends. But all that happened is that I watched my friends, find people, get married, have children and basically move on with their lives while I feel like I have been left in limbo....(during this time we were in a relationship, but he was only 90% committed in his heart, I feel)

Sorry, I feel like I have turned this into a post about me! But seriously be careful. Maybe you need some time apart from him to get some perspective. If someone wants to be with you, really be with you then they will stand up and be counted.

I realise this is not what you probabaly want to hear, and maybe I'm wrong, but just sharing my experience.

Take care of yourself, look afteryourself and dont let yourself be used xx

ceridwen

Marcheline wrote: »

I know you won't want to hear it and I don't mean to sound nasty, BUT, I think he has used you when you were vulnerable. You may in fact be in love with this man, but he is not in love with you. I would actually give your whole friendship circle a wide berth for the time being, so that you can sort your own head out.

Totally disagree with the idea of giving the "whole friendship circle a wide berth". I think that would be absolutely the wrong thing to do. That would leave OP feeling isolated and the rest of her friends wondering what THEY had done wrong to cause OP to withdraw from them.

Bad advice I feel there.

What I think generally is that its understandable OP slept with the guy in the first place - as she thought, at that time, that he was "available". My suggestion would be to carry on with life exactly as normal - including seeing this guy JUST as a friend (if you can handle that emotionally). Leave it with him as to whether the relationship continues - if he wants it enough he will be "back" and setting things right in that direction. If he doesn't want it enough - then he remains just the friend he used to be in the first place.

Gingham_Ribbon

When you split up with someone it's easy to turn to a friend for 'more' and it's easy to confuse feelings of closeness for something else. But he's made you the other woman and you've let him. That's just going to make it harder to deal with what you're going through as you're going to have to deal with getting over 2 men instead of 1.