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Ok, need help
Comments
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looktothefuture wrote: »Well done Bunster... you have come through £13000.00 debt and are proud of it! Just remember to keep the Barclaycard safely tucked away in the work safe!
As for the boyfriend, cut him some slack - maybe just a tiny bit (he is a man and men don't "do" sharing when things get tough!) Like others have said already, just point him this way!
I've missed something here. Was this info detailed in last week's post?
But anyway, yeah, go easy on the BF. They like to try and sort these things without bothering us, don't want to feel like a failure, are afraid of the response etc. Plus, you were in debt once too, so you must remember how it felt to be in his shoes. Also, he hasn't taken debt out in your name and I assume nothing is in joint names (from your posts) so your credit rating is unaffected.
I think this could be a great opportunity for you two to work together and improve communication etc. You'll probably find you come out of it the other end as a much stronger couple.February wins: Theatre tickets0 -
Where do I start trying to sort it out (that's if I can be bothered)?
ETA he is as really good bloke and is great to me, which is why I am considering not chucking him out (not that he knows that, I will make him sweat)
What a lucky bloke to have a gf like you :rolleyes:
Have you ever thought he hid these debts from you because he knew you were trying to pay yours off so didn't want to worry you further?
Or maybe he just thought there were nothing to do with you so didn't feel the need to say anything
As long as he's paying his 'housekeeping' (seriously I bet he loves paying you digs money) then whats the problem?Future Mrs Gerard Butler
[STRIKE]
Team Wagner
[/STRIKE] I meant Team Matt......obviously :cool:0 -
euronorris wrote: »I've missed something here. Was this info detailed in last week's post?
Yup it was... I remembered the OP because of her name... I had a Hamster called Bunster when I was a kid!0 -
thank you to the people that have been supportive, I wanted ideally to know how to get out of the provident loan?0
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thank you to the people that have been supportive, I wanted ideally to know how to get out of the provident loan?
I'm not sure you can 'get out of it' as such.
I think the only option is to throw as much money as possible at it until it is cleared. But, check the T&C's first and ensure they don't apply charges for this.February wins: Theatre tickets0 -
I am not in debt, I got out of it. I am more the adult in this relationship when it comes to money, I pay the lion share of stuff, so bills etc are left to me, he doesn't have to pay for anything just give me a set monthly payment (if that makes sense?). Also he has been hiding it, in fact I found out because the board that he is suppose to pay has been going into my bank account but it has been short. I have never check my bank balance, but I had requested Internet banking and found out that way. The stuff about the loans come out after I had asked him why he hadn't been paying me the full amount, we have lived together for the last seven years and I am annoyed he wasn't honest and in some way he has been stealing from me, by not giving me the full amount. He said the debts he pays out are more than his disposable income, so that's why he was paying me less hoping I wouldn't notice and to keep his head above water.
If I found out that my boyfriend had been effectively stealing from me I would be absolutely livid. It is clearly the lying aspect to this which has hurt you the most. I don't know if this is worth booting him out over, especially if he's genuinely sorry and prepared to make amends. But it sounds like you're going to have to take hold of his finances for him (i.e. get him to have his salary paid into your account or at least a joint account that he can't touch without you knowing about it) and just give him an allowance each month until his debts are clear. Perhaps you can suggest this to him and if he's not happy then ask him to leave.
I am in debt and my boyfriend is not, and I have never told him how bad my debts are, but the difference is that I do not expect him to pay for anything and I pay my half of everything myself. In effect, this makes my debt none of his business.
Let us know how it goes and good luck!0 -
I'm not sure removing all financial responsibility from your bf is the best idea. If he never has to budget, he'll never learn.February wins: Theatre tickets0
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I'm not having a dig infact I'm being very genuine.
Your problem to me seems like its not about the debt but more about the fact that after 7 years of living together plus how many other years you could have been together you still don't know everything about your bf. The fact that he could not come and speak to you before taking out a loan might be because when you say things like " I am more the adult in this relationship when it comes to money" and when asked about him leaving because you asked him to, your response was "he won't" sounds a bit controlling to me. I don't know you personally and could be completely wrong but thats how it sounds to me0 -
Thank you ever so much, it is the lies and I guess the stealing that I am hurt about, in fact I am really hurt as I have felt I have gone without in the past so he can have things. He is really sorry and I think my reaction has worried him a bit, I am normally so jovial about things and I have felt really let down, I've not shouted or cried just said that's over as I can't see a way forward from this. He has been in a mess with money before, which is why we came to this arrangement in the first place. I said to him before that when the fix term is up on the mortgage I wanted to put him on as a sign of my commitment to him, but I have changed my mind about that, if he is going to loan sharks then I don't think any equity in his name is a good idea. I said we will sit down and talk tonight, he has rang me up in a right state, he has had a word with his boss who has also told him he is very stupid and he has an appointment with CAB, so maybe it will get sorted out. I get so fed up of never being able to do anything because he has no money (yet on paper he should have £1000 a month disposable income), but it's because of the debts he has none. I really wish he hadn't of been stealing from me though, am gutted about that.0
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He coudn't speak to me about taking a loan was because, he knows I would say not to do it as it's to buy magazines, star wars figures, concert tickets and dvd's, this is what he's spent it on, he is 40 years old and has some sort of OCD where he buys stuff an doesn't even open it. Now I think £1000 a month to spend that on is enough without going and taking loans :rolleyes:0
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