Ok, need help

Bunster_2

I posted the other week about getting out of debt which is great, but it's since come to light that my partner is in debt. I only found out today and we're both at work (different places of work) so it's not something I want to talk about over the phone. I found out in not a particularly nice way so I am still angry, in fact I have told him that he had better of moved out by the time I get home tonight, so I am upset at the minute.

He has always given me a set amount of board and does what he likes with the rest. It's a situation that has worked for me, as the house belongs to me, so all bills etc come out of my money. I earn a lot more money than him, so it's not going to be quite as easy for him to save (as I did) as I think he has credit that takes up all his disposable income. I have also found out he has taken a provident loan, which is ridiculous as the apr is massive. I wish he had come to me at the beginning as I would of helped him out, but instead he has taken credit to pay credit and got more and more into a mess.

I don't think he owes that much, maybe a few grand, but I think it's taking up his disposable income so he's getting more into debt trying to get out.

He also seems to be out of control with his spending, he will buy a game or dvd and if anything buys stuff he doesn't need.

To be honest I think he needs some sort of debt councilling.

Where do I start trying to sort it out (that's if I can be bothered)?

ETA he is as really good bloke and is great to me, which is why I am considering not chucking him out (not that he knows that, I will make him sweat)

RAS

What are you going to do if he has moved out when you get home?

euronorris

I'm just wondering why you are so angry at your partner for being in debt, seeing as you are also.

Has he been hiding this from you, whereas you've always been upfront and honest? Or has he obtained it in your name or something similar?

It sounds as if he hasn't had his lightbulb moment yet, and it's not something you can force. You can, however, direct him to this site, show him the budgeting tools, snowball calculator etc.

You could work on both your debts together. Encourage conversation about money and buying things and act as a sounding board for each other etc.

Edit: From info provided so far, throwing him out seems extreme and a bit 'pot, kettle, black'. Have a cup of tea and take a 5 minute break or so to calm down and take it in.

Bunster_2

He wont have.

milliemonster

It's obvious that you're angry and upset, but as you have debts yourself, don't you think you are being a little hard on him?

If he has been hiding these debts from you then please try to see it from his point of view, from your post you seem to be saying that you don't see his finances as any of your business apart from the money he gives you towards the joint bills, therefore I can understand why he has kept this private to a degree, but also he is probably proud and worried how to tell you and maybe not even wanted to worry you if he knew you also had debts, also this then means that what he does with his money (including getting into debt) is really none of your concern, that is unless going forward you want to work together as a couple???

I think you should tackle this jointly. If you are intending to stay together then perhaps you should pool everything together and work together as a couple financially aswell? this may help to avoid the situation occurring again in the future, do you see your future with him?

Sit down together and go through your finances with a fine toothcomb, do an SOA together and look at all the debts you have between you and work from there

looktothefuture

OP, I don't mean to come across as rude, but was he aware that you are also in debt and have been seeking advice on how to begin paying it back? I think you've been a little harsh on him as you know where he is with hiding debt (assumption made here that you have hid the debt from him! And of course we don't know how you found out about his debt!).

You/he needs to know just how much debt he is in. Get him to do an SOA, open all those letters (if he hasn't already binned them!) and get as much information as he can on each debt and then get him to log into here and get some advice on what to do next.

Good luck, and I am sorry that you are so angry with him, but hoping that you can understand why he hasn't told you about his debt.

RAS

Bunster wrote: »

Where do I start trying to sort it out (that's if I can be bothered)?

You don't. It is his debt situation and he needs to sort it out for himself.

If you want to tell him about this forum, he can choose to come here and ask for support, or not, as he wishes.

looktothefuture

hehehehe, my OH's debt is none of my business but because I open every letter that comes through our front door I kinda guessed that he's debt free apart from the CSA! Lucky him hey?

Bunster_2

euronorris wrote: »

I'm just wondering why you are so angry at your partner for being in debt, seeing as you are also.

Has he been hiding this from you, whereas you've always been upfront and honest? Or has he obtained it in your name or something similar?

It sounds as if he hasn't had his lightbulb moment yet, and it's not something you can force. You can, however, direct him to this site, show him the budgeting tools, snowball calculator etc.

You could work on both your debts together. Encourage conversation about money and buying things and act as a sounding board for each other etc.

I am not in debt, I got out of it. I am more the adult in this relationship when it comes to money, I pay the lion share of stuff, so bills etc are left to me, he doesn't have to pay for anything just give me a set monthly payment (if that makes sense?). Also he has been hiding it, in fact I found out because the board that he is suppose to pay has been going into my bank account but it has been short. I have never check my bank balance, but I had requested Internet banking and found out that way. The stuff about the loans come out after I had asked him why he hadn't been paying me the full amount, we have lived together for the last seven years and I am annoyed he wasn't honest and in some way he has been stealing from me, by not giving me the full amount. He said the debts he pays out are more than his disposable income, so that's why he was paying me less hoping I wouldn't notice and to keep his head above water.

euronorris

Bunster wrote: »

I posted the other week about getting out of debt which is great, but it's since come to light that my partner is in debt.

I'm confused . What were you posting about the other week then?

looktothefuture

Well done Bunster... you have come through £13000.00 debt and are proud of it! Just remember to keep the Barclaycard safely tucked away in the work safe!

As for the boyfriend, cut him some slack - maybe just a tiny bit (he is a man and men don't "do" sharing when things get tough!) Like others have said already, just point him this way!