What would you do?

BitterAndTwisted

Comments aren't always criticisms but when we're not feeling totally 100% it can feel like it sometimes. I thought his suggestion about moisturising to prevent stretch-marks sounded quite sweet and might have been a prelude to a nice, relaxing massage with a possible other "benefit" included

meltdown_point

Right he is home:(

I was sleeping......he came in and woke me up......told me he was late home because he went to a bike shop to look for bikes for xmas for my kids.....£150 for DS bike and £65 for DDs bike....told him not to worry about it as I know the owner very well (aunt does his accounts) and then I told him not to worry about DSs birthday surprise tomorrow (going to the cinema with 3 friends) That I would take him.....( DS asked could it be me that takes him) CUE big rant from DP saying that he would do it he said he would do it.....I just said that "sure you feel used" he replied do you not think you have enough to beat me around the head with......without lying....erm he did say this 3 days ago. Grrrr im so annoyed....

BitterAndTwisted

You're obviously a bit cross and I think that may be the reason I can't quite follow exactly what happened. Did you actually say the words "Don't worry, I'll sort it" to him twice or is that a precis? I don't quite understand the gist of the rest of your post. Sorry.

meltdown_point

Sorry!!

He came home and told me he was late as he was looking at xmas presents for my kids.
I know the owner of the shop really well as my aunt does his accounts....DP doesnt know him and didnt know that I know him....(DP would pay full whack for them, I would get a BIG discount) I told him not to worry about the bikes, I would sort them out!

DS had a recent birthday and wanted to take 3 of his friends to the cinema and Mc Donalds afterwards....I agreed to this and DP said he would take him....DS told me today that he wanted me to take him and his friends (probably because I will/do get popcorn and sweets for the kids during the movie) DP got annoyed that I agreed to this and started ranting that he would do it and it was agreed that he would do it ( i agreed he was right....but DS friends dont know DP and I thought it was sensible as I know the children, and their parents would probably prefer me to take them IYSWIM)

DP was ranting and raving and i just said about his comments 3 nights ago saying that he felt a bit used to which he told me that i was lying and why did I feel the need to as I had enough to beat him around the head with!!
Im not lying!!! He did say this!! he also said that he does loads for me which I never ever denied (because he does)

So now he is away out to his friends house for a drinking session told me not to worry about staying up he would get a taxi home!

Im sorry for not making any sense Im just gutted......he just walked out, not wanting to sort this out!

meltdown_point

Sorry it took so long to post......but the pc keeps logging me out!

BitterAndTwisted

meltdown_point wrote: »

Sorry!!

He came home and told me he was late as he was looking at xmas presents for my kids.
I know the owner of the shop really well as my aunt does his accounts....DP doesnt know him and didnt know that I know him....(DP would pay full whack for them, I would get a BIG discount) I told him not to worry about the bikes, I would sort them out! Telling someone not to worry and I'll sort it can come over as rather dismissive if you don't explain why they're not to worry. "Don't worry, I'll sort it" is a million miles away from "Oh great, thanks for checking them out. Auntie's the shopkeeper's bookkeeper so maybe we could talk to her about seeing if we can get a discount". See?

DS had a recent birthday and wanted to take 3 of his friends to the cinema and Mc Donalds afterwards....I agreed to this and DP said he would take him....DS told me today that he wanted me to take him and his friends (probably because I will/do get popcorn and sweets for the kids during the movie) DP got annoyed that I agreed to this and started ranting that he would do it and it was agreed that he would do it ( i agreed he was right....but DS friends dont know DP and I thought it was sensible as I know the children, and their parents would probably prefer me to take them IYSWIM) I did understand that part but you could have discussed it with you OH before you committed to being manipulated by your DS. Coming after the first "Don't worry, I'll sort it" could sound even more dismissive

DP was ranting and raving and i just said about his comments 3 nights ago saying that he felt a bit used to which he told me that i was lying and why did I feel the need to as I had enough to beat him around the head with!!
Im not lying!!! He did say this!! he also said that he does loads for me which I never ever denied (because he does) This is what my Mum called "casting up" and is not to be recommended. Sometimes it's almost as bad as using "AND ANOTHER THING!" in a frank exchange of views. I honestly think that coming after the first two things up there, this might have been ill-advised.

So now he is away out to his friends house for a drinking session told me not to worry about staying up he would get a taxi home!

Im sorry for not making any sense Im just gutted......he just walked out, not wanting to sort this out!

You are making much more sense now and all I can advise you to do is count to five and listen to what you're about to say in your mind so you understand how it could be taken by the other person. You're obviously on edge but I think the root of what's happening is that you're not making yourselves utterly clear to each other and it's causing misunderstandings.

If his headache isn't too bad tomorrow perhaps you'll have the opportunity to make yourself clear and ask for a truce.

meltdown_point

you make a lot of sense.....thank you

I know im annoyed.....and hormonal!

its kinda funny looking at the confused post.......if thats how i type when im annoyed then goodness what do i sound like!!

DP wont give me a chance to talk to try and explain my side/view of things....he keeps saying just tell me, I panic and say leave it for now until i get things sorted out in my head, I dont want to make a mistake and make you feel carppy about yourself........he usually replies whats going on in your head...im not a mind reader Arrggg!

Maddie

Hi meltdown point. I've just read through this and thought maybe if you are worried about explaining things wrong you could write it down for him? Start by saying, look, i'm sorry I've been hormonal recently, I really want to talk to you about a few things but keep saying things wrong so I wrote it down for you.

Sometimes just writing it all down in a huge help apart from the fact that it will hopefully make more sense to him.

meltdown_point

Maddie im trying to pen something now:)
i have a loads of strikethroughs already!!
I dont want it to sound like an attack on him.....which it probably will!!

Maddie

I would have to do it on my computer I think, then you can rearrange and edit as much as needed - might look impersonal though

good luck!