What would you do?

meltdown_point

Yes Kegg i chose to sleep on the sofa last night.....i was angry and had lots of things going on in my head.....DP had to be up for 6am and I would have kept him up by twisting and turning and sobbing all night! He need to be alert for his patients.
He was peeved when he got up this am and realised i was sleeping on the settee....he opened the door and tutted then closed it again....he hates it when i sleep on the settee....keeps on saying things like what will ***** think (his son) Im usually up before the kids get up so they know nothing is going on....or that im cross/upset ect...

kimmi_b

I can understand that - you don't always need sex to make you feel wanted and loved, a hug and kiss or nice head or back massage would show he cared. He needs to hear how you feel and act on it. Not everything can or should be blamed on pregnancy hormones after all.

You are skinnier than me when pregnant than I have been since I was 14 years old! Lol. I was a size 12 before pregnant and have had to buy a size 16 trouser for work when I return next week, cos of my fat backside. I'm not letting it get me down though - would I like to be skinnier? Yes! Should my partner let my size affect our relationship? No! Big is beautiful too because your inner goddess is where your sex appeal comes from. If you can embrace your body and your size then brilliant. If you are truly unhappy then some exercise and healthy diet should be enough to get your back into shape after the birth (don't rush it though!), but whatever happens, you should not be doing it for him. You are giving him the greatest gift ever with your newborn, you shouldn't have to change your shape as well.

Good luck and take care of yourself, try not to get too upset and remember that you are bigger at the moment because you have a wonderful new life inside you - concentrate on that little being and think of every extra pound you put on as a yummy snack for baby

katholicos

My first thought....

What are you doing on the sofa?

You are the pregnant one!

Get thee back to the bedroom and if you must, wedge a pillow between the two of you in bed to stay separate. LOL!

I've two kids and understand pregnancy hormones but your partner does seem to me to be a bit insensitive. I don't know why, maybe it's because of his being a nurse but i would have expected he would want to be more involved with the pregnancy, so i have to say that little alarm bells would be ringing for me if he showed little interest in the pregnancy at this late stage.

About his going out, i think it wouldn't be a problem if the party was in a club or pub or something, but the fact it's in a girls house wouldn't sit comfortably with me even though your partner may well be 100% trustworthy.

About the moisturising the belly, perhaps he could have offered to do it for you and it would not only have been a small inroad to your partner connecting with baby, but also could have been soothing for you and a caring thing for him to do for you...though having been pregnant myself i know there are times when you just don't want someone massaging your belly too!

poppyolivia

meltdown_point wrote: »

hi poppyplivia,

Not been invited:(
Its only staff!! Their ward is closing on new years eve and they are all being deployed to other wards!
Every year its staff only:)

oh no! My husbands place is like that too staff only, but I was going to meet them after they had their meal..just thought it could have been something like that??

thats a shame xx

meltdown_point

Hi again poppyolivia:)
No DP is going to the meal after his shift at work....(he has to work as his rota said so) he wasnt happy about this and said he would go along after but he has to bring his clothes into work with him!! And he will be driving leaving his car at the hotel where the meal is and getting home with his workmates!! (then i will drive him up the next day to collect his car!! But it was the way he said it last night.....oh we are going to a party in a girls house after the works do....I was peeved!!! incidently he told me that it was a womans house after that!!

Katholicos...im getting a little worried about the father/baby bond....but he will be ok....he is a great dad to his 2 kids, and a brill stepdad to my kids:D
As i said before i chose to sleep on the sofa......maybe not a good choice but he needs his sleep and i was well propped up with pillows and cushions and quilt:D I do think he is being insensitive and when he comes home tonight after dinner when the kids go to bed I will talk to him and try to see if maybe we can sort this out! He still hasnt texted me yet btw....usually I would have had 2/3 texts by now!! Im worried, he said last night that i was trying to stop him going out im not....I really dont mind him going out....its nice to see him enjoying himself.....Im useless at going out atm just because of not being comfortable!! I think he knows this too and he was just trying to gain some points lol!! He is a nurse from the neck up....not a general nurse!!

BitterAndTwisted

katholicos wrote: »

I've two kids and understand pregnancy hormones but your partner does seem to me to be a bit insensitive. I don't know why, maybe it's because of his being a nurse

I think it absolutely IS because your OH is a nurse. They have to be totally detached in their work, it's the only way they can perform their roles properly for their patients and without causing emotional harm to themselves and it must be so hard to try and switch that off when it comes to their own lives and the lives of their families.

And it's true, a awful lot of men don't seem to able to connect with their unborn offspring, it's not till baby is safely born that everything changes. I'm sure that will be the same for your OH.

And PLEASE try and top thinking of yourself as fat and unwieldy! You might be feeling a bit like a beached whale because you're so big but you're beautiful really and in the most truly profound way. It's possible that all of those slim, unpreggers ladies you're envious of are truly envious of you and the wonderful, innocent, beautiful life you're carrying. I think pregnant women look like the godesses they are. I've never been pregnant and never will and I envy you.

You've had an awful lot to deal with in this pregnancy, it sound like a real rollercoaster for you and I'm not surprised it's taking its toll.

meltdown_point

BitterandTwisted, Thank you!
He does deal with a LOT at work....He is a mental health nurse in an acute ward!

Dont get me wrong yes im like a beached whale....but i suit having a bit of weight on me......my family think i look healthier pregnant:D I just cant fit into nice maternity clothes nothing looks right and i dont feel comfortable!! I love being pregnant I love feeling the baby kicking me I love the fact that its the only time I have Boobs;) I am waiting patiently to meet our baby! My best friend is going to be godmother as she is having trouble getting pregnant she has went through IVF, Operations etc and it looks unlikely that she will have any children of her own.....shame really as she would be the perfect mummy! I have held her hand taken her to appointments etc, i dreaded telling her, and in the end she had guessed:) she said she had a feeling then asked who was going to be godmother....i said YOU if your up for it....she rings me every day to ask how the baby is and how I am!!

OK just got a call from DP......he has been told that because he doesnt have photographic ward ID he cant get his swine flu jab.....they wanted him to come home to get a payslip we live 40 miles away from his work!!!! He said nothing about last night:(

BitterAndTwisted

Aw, he probably said nothing about last night either because he wasn't on the phone somewhere private or he's biding his time till it blows over. He knows you're in a vulnerable state and I'm sure he understands quite well how you are feeling, given his profession and that he's already a father.

What would I do? Swallow any pride I had and apologise for not being on a completely even keel and make it clear that I need and value his support, even if it just means that he listens, nods and holds my hand while he's doing it. If he's truly a good man everything will be all right, I'm sure

meltdown_point

I know it will be ok........im just I suppose questioning his "loyality" towards our baby......surely if he wanted the best for us why would he comment on my weight/looks etc?? I know its a big change for him seeing me bigger!
.
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As for going to an after party after his works do......well im gonna be stuck at home again on my own, I love xmas but I love spending time with those who are important to me........lol he said last night that anyman of his age would be out partying all the time.....he is 36! I actually found that funny, no dear, any man of your age would be worrying about their families/bills/mortgages/holidays ect:D

maybe i am being too harsh, but is becoming clearer that we both have VERY different values in life......I am totally family orientated....he doesnt seem to be!!

JBD

I was going to add that your OH may be working really hard in a pretty stressful job. Also being the only breadwinner for quite a large family must be quite stressful in itself. Personally I wouldn't keep mentioning my weight. Perhaps he feels as if you are needing reassurance from him continuously and it might just feel a little bit too much for him.