Peoples acceptance of disability/illness

littlerat

I've not long been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I have to admit while I knew there was some prejudice, I didn't expect quite so much. My Dad and brother and my Dad's parents really struggle to understand it, but they do believe me and are totally supportive, none of them have ever been through it though. My gran however (Mum's side) basic 1st reaction was that I should just get over it and get a job - that said, seeing how much better I've been functioning since being on ADs I think she's beginning to understand it.

People seem to actually be worse over the anxiety side though, I don't think they can quite grasp how you can be in sheer terror from somebody talking to you!


I've also been diagnosed with hypermobility though, which causes me back pain and some weakness in my knees and ankles, luckily the problems are all manageable, but people don't believe that's real at all!

Homemade_2

I dont think its the illness as such that people are reluctant to talk about. I think its more to do with the person who has the illness and how they act.

If you saw someone at work all week and then out somewhere during the weekend you are likely to not want to know about the illness because it doesnt seem to be bothering/affecting them greatly whereas someone is usually more concerned when they know how much someone is suffereing.

Im not just disabled myself I am also quite ill but you cant see it and I never have a problem with others and how they treat me. But even I do have trouble understanding other people's problems in certain circumstances, such as if they are in full time work, if they are able to drive or they manage to look nice and have a social life.

I perhaps havent explained what I mean very well so please dont all jump on me.

Invasion

I manage to look pretty good most of the time, partly because I'm 18 and how I look means a lot to me, just because I'm ill and disabled doesn't mean I can't look well, in fact, apart from the mobility aids, if you didn't know me you'd probably think I just had something wrong with my legs. But I'm in constant pain, I have flu like symptoms most of the time and I spend the majority of my day in bed. I do think the illness you have changes how people react to you, different illnesses have different stigma's attached to them, many illnesses are accepted well and the person with them respected and treated with dignity, as opposed to disbelief and outright rudeness or "pull yourself together".

Many many disabled people can drive, there are adaptations and the fact someone's driving means almost nothing at all. It's also a case of remembering that while someone may smile, look nice etc, they could be in huge amounts of pain, and collapse in a heap later on, unable to talk, unable to sit up because of the huge amount of energy they've expended trying to look and feel normal for an hour or two.

I'm not jumping on you, maybe just pointing out some things you hadn't thought of? I didn't until I got ill.

Indie_Kid

Homemade wrote: »

But even I do have trouble understanding other people's problems in certain circumstances, such as if they are in full time work, if they are able to drive or they manage to look nice and have a social life.

I perhaps havent explained what I mean very well so please dont all jump on me.

I think many people have this problem.

I do think the illness you have changes how people react to you,

I agree. I'm lucky that my friends have treated me the same. That being said, all they understand is that I have problems with my eyes, that can't be corrected with glasses or is more complicated than "I have rubbish vision".

I will try to treat people the same before and after they've told me they have an illness or disability. I haven't treated them any different. In fact, for one of my friends it did explain a lot. (He's autistic and I've always found him to be a little, er, strange)

I once told someone I'm visually impaired and they then talked to me like I was a child? I will never understand that.

It's also a case of remembering that while someone may smile, look nice etc, they could be in huge amounts of pain, and collapse in a heap later on, unable to talk, unable to sit up because of the huge amount of energy they've expended trying to look and feel normal for an hour or two.

I agree. Unfortunately, it always really shows when I'm having a crap day and have had someone mention how tired I look.

Wendy5704

Im not just disabled myself I am also quite ill but you cant see it and I never have a problem with others and how they treat me. But even I do have trouble understanding other people's problems in certain circumstances, such as if they are in full time work, if they are able to drive or they manage to look nice and have a social life.

I perhaps havent explained what I mean very well so please dont all jump on me. [/QUOTE]

I have been disabled since the age of 18 and im 34 now. I work and can drive. I have an aggressive form of arthritis which has caused me to have both hips replaced, boths shoulders replaced, my wrist fused, my left knee replaced and waiting for a second knee replacement. I try to look nice because it is the one think I can control and it makes me feel slightly more normal as I also have a very curved spine and my left foot turns out quite badly. I am very lucky to have great employers who I have worked for since I was 16. They moved the office I work on the ground floor so I had no stairs, made the adaptions with a higher toilet, took all repetative jobs of me, I have the correct chair and headset etc and also they employ a support worker to assist me during the day. If I wake up and feel ill I dont go in, if im at work and need a rest I use the staff room which has a bed in for me and rest, if I feel exhausted in the day I go home. No questions asked and they have no problem at all. This is my only social life I have. If I did not work I would not be out. I am taken out by family if I need to go to town. Does this mean Im not disabled. Work is my social life. :mad:

Wendy5704

invasion wrote: »

i manage to look pretty good most of the time, partly because i'm 18 and how i look means a lot to me, just because i'm ill and disabled doesn't mean i can't look well, in fact, apart from the mobility aids, if you didn't know me you'd probably think i just had something wrong with my legs. But i'm in constant pain, i have flu like symptoms most of the time and i spend the majority of my day in bed. I do think the illness you have changes how people react to you, different illnesses have different stigma's attached to them, many illnesses are accepted well and the person with them respected and treated with dignity, as opposed to disbelief and outright rudeness or "pull yourself together".

Many many disabled people can drive, there are adaptations and the fact someone's driving means almost nothing at all. It's also a case of remembering that while someone may smile, look nice etc, they could be in huge amounts of pain, and collapse in a heap later on, unable to talk, unable to sit up because of the huge amount of energy they've expended trying to look and feel normal for an hour or two.

I'm not jumping on you, maybe just pointing out some things you hadn't thought of? I didn't until i got ill.

well said!!!!

Homemade_2

Wendy5704 wrote: »

I have been disabled since the age of 18 and im 34 now. I work and can drive. I have an aggressive form of arthritis which has caused me to have both hips replaced, boths shoulders replaced, my wrist fused, my left knee replaced and waiting for a second knee replacement. I try to look nice because it is the one think I can control and it makes me feel slightly more normal as I also have a very curved spine and my left foot turns out quite badly. I am very lucky to have great employers who I have worked for since I was 16. They moved the office I work on the ground floor so I had no stairs, made the adaptions with a higher toilet, took all repetative jobs of me, I have the correct chair and headset etc and also they employ a support worker to assist me during the day. If I wake up and feel ill I dont go in, if im at work and need a rest I use the staff room which has a bed in for me and rest, if I feel exhausted in the day I go home. No questions asked and they have no problem at all. This is my only social life I have. If I did not work I would not be out. I am taken out by family if I need to go to town. Does this mean Im not disabled. Work is my social life. :mad:

Some people do all this that you mention here because they want to or they are stoic or they just dont feel that bad. Other people cant work for love nor money as they are so ill.

In terms of the question asked by the OP it is exactly what you have written that some people have trouble understanding and so have an attitude of "She cant be that ill" or "She cant be in that much pain".

Only you know how you feel on the inside but what people see on the outside is someone who works, who looks ok, who drives about and who talks about how bad they feel. Some people tend to come up with the answer of "Shes putting it on" etc. It is often thought that if you are in that much pain, you have that much tiredness or you feel that ill that the majority of people couldnt possibly hold down a job, never mind drive a car.

People without illness look in from the outside and see all these very remarkable, stoical people managing to cope a million times better than they ever do when they are ill. This is the point where disbelief sets in.

This is not my view. I am just answering the question about why people are like this, so please dont give me your angry faces etc.

Celajl13

I have to agree and especially give to support to the comment by Invasion, i think people look at me weird and funny when i park in disabled bays and i have had all the abuse from the elderly under the sun! Ok i have athiritis and you can only notice really when i walk and how i walk and if you had to look at my joints closely! its actually really annoying the amount of people who jump to judge you jut because im younger or because i have a disability or as i call it old persons disease. I think we all cope in different way towards our disability and who we tell! Think its just a personal thing!

Wendy5704

Homemade wrote: »

Some people do all this that you mention here because they want to or they are stoic or they just dont feel that bad. Other people cant work for love nor money as they are so ill.

In terms of the question asked by the OP it is exactly what you have written that some people have trouble understanding and so have an attitude of "She cant be that ill" or "She cant be in that much pain".

Only you know how you feel on the inside but what people see on the outside is someone who works, who looks ok, who drives about and who talks about how bad they feel. Some people tend to come up with the answer of "Shes putting it on" etc. It is often thought that if you are in that much pain, you have that much tiredness or you feel that ill that the majority of people couldnt possibly hold down a job, never mind drive a car.

People without illness look in from the outside and see all these very remarkable, stoical people managing to cope a million times better than they ever do when they are ill. This is the point where disbelief sets in.

This is not my view. I am just answering the question about why people are like this, so please dont give me your angry faces etc.

Just because I work does not mean Im not in constant pain. I take regular pain killers etc etc as do many other disabled people who I know that work. To look at me I look ill. I have quite a bad stoop, I look at the floor when I walk using my stick as I cant straighten my back/neck. I walk with a limp and my foot turns out. I am anaemic and have disturbed sleep as I cant get comfortable which means I have permanant bags under my eyes. I work when I can because It gives me company and my job isnt taxing. I sit and talk on the phone. I dont work full time but it gives me a reason to get up. My car is automatic and is fully adapted as I have limited movement in my neck and I only drive short distances. Without my car I could not get about. I regulary have hunchback shouted at me by local yobs when out.

Im not directing this rant at you particulary but it really annoys me.

Homemade_2

Wendy5704 wrote: »

Just because I work does not mean Im not in constant pain. I take regular pain killers etc etc as do many other disabled people who I know that work. To look at me I look ill. I have quite a bad stoop, I look at the floor when I walk using my stick as I cant straighten my back/neck. I walk with a limp and my foot turns out. I am anaemic and have disturbed sleep as I cant get comfortable which means I have permanant bags under my eyes. I work when I can because It gives me company and my job isnt taxing. I sit and talk on the phone. I dont work full time but it gives me a reason to get up. My car is automatic and is fully adapted as I have limited movement in my neck and I only drive short distances. Without my car I could not get about. I regulary have hunchback shouted at me by local yobs when out.

Im not directing this rant at you particulary but it really annoys me.

I know exactly how you feel. You just need to try to remember that other people cant feel what you are feeling and most of the time they are ignorant to illnesses and disabilities. It isnt their fault though Wendy, its the way society is.

What we need to do as disabled people is to hold our heads high and just be us. We are much more than our illnesses and so we must try to let all that "more" shine through, rather than just the illness part of us....does that make sense?

People shouting at you in the street is despicable, but try not to let it get you down and dont let anyone intimidate you. Smile and walk on, thats the best thing to do for your soul