finding friends

keelykat

Im feeling a bit happier today as i won a competition on pigsback (dont know if you are a member?) and it cheered me up! Im trying to keep myself a bit busier this week too, hopefully meeting a friend who will be showing me her new place and my mom and sister (with my little niece) should be coming over sometime too.

keelykat.

cantcope

hi all. mum has her heart surgery today. i absolutely wrecked her day yesterday and am really beating myself up about it.

we had a tiff in the morning over my brother. she was crying again because he is telling her he has no money for food (he wont get a job and he wont sign on)

then he came over in the afternoon for some lunch and then just hung around waiting for them to come home from bingo. I was getting frustrated as i had been looking forward to some time on my own not time with my brother blasting football out from his laptop while i was watching tv.

Anyway, i just lost it once they got home.... i ended up actually flying at him with my fists screaming how much i hated him!!!!

result being mum in floods of tears. me and dad having row, brothers glasses getting broken and me getting a black eye.

i've booked today off work as i cant face all the questions and just want to be alone. I dont know what came over me. i am not a violent person and i dont hate my brother. I just cant stand seeing my mum cry because of him and somehow i've made it 100 times worse and made my mum cry myself.

What an idiot. I'm not typing this for sympathy as i dont deserve any. i just needed to write it all down.

keelykat

cantcope wrote:

hi all. mum has her heart surgery today. i absolutely wrecked her day yesterday and am really beating myself up about it.

we had a tiff in the morning over my brother. she was crying again because he is telling her he has no money for food (he wont get a job and he wont sign on)

then he came over in the afternoon for some lunch and then just hung around waiting for them to come home from bingo. I was getting frustrated as i had been looking forward to some time on my own not time with my brother blasting football out from his laptop while i was watching tv.

Anyway, i just lost it once they got home.... i ended up actually flying at him with my fists screaming how much i hated him!!!!

result being mum in floods of tears. me and dad having row, brothers glasses getting broken and me getting a black eye.

i've booked today off work as i cant face all the questions and just want to be alone. I dont know what came over me. i am not a violent person and i dont hate my brother. I just cant stand seeing my mum cry because of him and somehow i've made it 100 times worse and made my mum cry myself.

What an idiot. I'm not typing this for sympathy as i dont deserve any. i just needed to write it all down.

:grouphug: Big hugs for you (those smileys look a tad dodgy, sorry lol)
As you dont want any sympathy, im sending you a big hug to help you feel better anyway as i hate hearing that peple are having a bad day/not feeling too good etc.

keelykat.

Whats_my_age_again

Cantcope that is not so good, you say you don't want sympathy but you have it from me. I too have been prone to make things a lot worse.

I am sure your mum and dad know that you meant well, it is just a very emotional time for you all. It was a good idea to take the day off as you don't need any more hassle.

Take care.

Whats_my_age_again

keelykat wrote:

Im feeling a bit happier today as i won a competition on pigsback (dont know if you are a member?) and it cheered me up! Im trying to keep myself a bit busier this week too, hopefully meeting a friend who will be showing me her new place and my mom and sister (with my little niece) should be coming over sometime too.

keelykat.

No I am not a member of pigsback may take a look, can't be bad if competitions are there to be won!

That is good that you are having a busier week, I like to keep busy myself, I don't particularly like when I have nothing to do.

midlandsfairy

Sorry to hear about what happened yesterday cc:grouphug:

Maybe it is a good thing that you took today off... some time just to chilll out and relax without stressing about it. Sometimes we all do things without knowing why we did it/what has come over us. Sounds like you needed to get some of your feelings about the situation out.

Know you don't want sympathy so here's another hug :grouphug:

Careful_girl

Hey CC. Sounds awful. I understand about how angry it can make you when you feel people are hurting those who you love. My sister used to wind up my father and take advantage of his good nature. Your whole family are going through such upheaval at the moment and it is so hard living back at home. Last year there were many days when i couldn't cope with work. You need to get your head straight. I totally understand about writing stuff down too, I find it very helpful too.
You take care of yourself,
CG.

cantcope

Thanks everyone. Feel a bit better today. Keep mulling over the idea of texting my brother to tell him that i dont actually hate him but just cant bring myself to do it. He's the sort of person that would tell me to f off and turn it into an opportunity to riducule me.

Q's at work are horrible today. my eye is so red/back and swollen that i couldnt even attempt to hide it with makeup.

Mum should be home from hospital today. op went well. cant wait to see her.

Whats_my_age_again

Hi CC, that is good that you are feeling a bit better today. It is good to hear that your mum's op went ok

BNU_2

I am in the same position as you Wannabe. Also probably at the end of my marriage, we met 19 years ago and were everything to each other for most of that but I am incredibly lonely now and have been for the last couple of years if I'm honest, so please don't think you are alone in your thoughts here.

It's seen as embarrassing to not have a good circle of friends, but people differ so widely and it is extremely difficult to find people who go on from being acquaintances to being true friends. I know lots of people through voluntary work I do - but still don't have anyone I can confide in!