Son's housekeeping money!

Rikki

Sit down with him and go through the household budget with him. Write down all the monthly out goings. I mean everything.
Mortgage, Council Tax, Gas electric, water rates, telephone, house and buildings insurance, tv licence and food. Plus maintenance for his sibling. (Life insurance?)
Then out of your income you have to pay for your car insurance, tax, petrol and running costs.
You are paying for all of this before you have any money for yourself for clothes, cards, presents and the odd night out maybe. How about being able to save to pay the mortgage off.

This is where your money goes each month, what does he spend his on? If you decided not to take responsibility and pay these you both would be homeless.

He is getting all this for free. He needs to grow up and stop being so selfish.

£350 is not an unreasonable amount to take each month considering what he earns. He would be paying a considerable amount more than this to live on his own.


My 20 year old student son pays £79 a week rent, then he has to pay his share of bills and food.

Rikki

barklyboy wrote: »

I have been struggling with this subject for a while really. Considering that every family will have to deal with the 'housekeeping' subject at some point, I am amazed there is not more information on it. I have googled the subject and not much appears. I would have thought the government would have some sort of guidelines on it as there seems to be guidelines for everything these days but I guess if there was, they would be absurd and out of touch.

Perhaps Martin Lewis should cover the subject on the Jeremy Vine show - are you reading this Martin! I would be interested in your views!

I was brought up to expect to spend a 1/3 of my wages on mortgage/rent, 1/3 on bills and insurance, the last third was for me to save, buy clothes, presents and treats.

Susan_Frost

I think OP and son are both being unfair at how they have gone about things.

The AGREED amount was £250, and doing ok by dd until son decided, without telling dad, that he had cancelled it.

They then AGREED £350 to cover the £250 and the arrears. ok so far.

But then DAD changed the rules and said he wanted to keep it at £350. OK it may be a reasonable amount, but Dad has not kept to what he has said either. Son will have been expecting the amount to go back to £250, but then suddenly told ooohhh no it wont.

So both have now broken their agreements.

Both are adults and should have an agreed figure, and stick to it for a while, to be revised, say, six monthly or when a pay rise comes in.

I would suggest going back to £250, plus arrears (again) at £100. You can do the maths and will know what that takes you up to. Then agree that when the arrears are paid off he will pay more per month than the £250 because time has gone on and prices increased, plus winter bills are on their way. Perhaps, say, £300 and reviewed in six months.

I dont feel that £350 is too much to ask but if I was paying £250 for something, then without notice, was told it is £350, that is a big percentage increase when it has not even been talked about.

I think OP is right and should let his son read these posts.

Two adults in the house should split everything exactly equal, food bills, etc. but not mortgage. See what that really comes to and let son justify what he feels he should pay.

And no, dad should not be doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. Shared House Rules Apply.

It is nice to hear you have a good relationship, so I am sure you will work it out.

Rikki

Susan_Frost wrote: »

I think OP and son are both being unfair at how they have gone about things.

The AGREED amount was £250, and doing ok by dd until son decided, without telling dad, that he had cancelled it.

They then AGREED £350 to cover the £250 and the arrears. ok so far.

But then DAD changed the rules and said he wanted to keep it at £350. OK it may be a reasonable amount, but Dad has not kept to what he has said either. Son will have been expecting the amount to go back to £250, but then suddenly told ooohhh no it wont.

So both have now broken their agreements.

Both are adults and should have an agreed figure, and stick to it for a while, to be revised, say, six monthly or when a pay rise comes in.

II think OP is right and should let his son read these posts.

Two adults in the house should split everything exactly equal, food bills, etc. but not mortgage. See what that really comes to and let son justify what he feels he should pay.

And no, dad should not be doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. Shared House Rules Apply.

It is nice to hear you have a good relationship, so I am sure you will work it out.

The son has had a £300 pay rise since the £250 figure was agreed.

Susan_Frost

Yes, I know, that is why I am saying £350 is not unreasonable, but maybe going back to basics is a starting point, they need to agreed a way forward, not each one take it upon themselves to change the rules.

But maybe a starting point could split the different and be £300 plus some off the arrears.

My main point was to agree and talk and stick to things, and agree in advance when changes will be made.

I do think dad should get £350, it was about how to go about it.

Kay_Peel

I think I would be really annoyed if, without telling me or discussing it, my son cancelled a direct debit arrangement that we had both agreed on. It would tell me that there is something badly wrong with our relationship, with the way that we communicate and with the arrangement itself.

Before laying down my terms to my son, I'd want to be sure that it was (in his eyes) reasonable, achievable and fair to us both. For all we know the OP's son may resent the arrangement and believes that he is being charged top whack.

I'd look at other ways of getting him to contribute to the household rather than just setting up a direct debit for 350 quid to his Dad or whatever. Just as an example, Dad pays mortgage and utilities, son pays Community Charge and for all shopping - food, cleaning, laundry etc for the two of them. I'd give him a shopping list each week and I'd get him to set up a direct debit with the council for the Community Charge. In that way, the son meets his obligation and Dad gets a fair contribution to the house share.

barklyboy

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I think I would be really annoyed if, without telling me or discussing it, my son cancelled a direct debit arrangement that we had both agreed on. It would tell me that there is something badly wrong with our relationship, with the way that we communicate and with the arrangement itself.

Before laying down my terms to my son, I'd want to be sure that it was (in his eyes) reasonable, achievable and fair to us both. For all we know the OP's son may resent the arrangement and believes that he is being charged top whack.

I'd look at other ways of getting him to contribute to the household rather than just setting up a direct debit for 350 quid to his Dad or whatever. Just as an example, Dad pays mortgage and utilities, son pays Community Charge and for all shopping - food, cleaning, laundry etc for the two of them. I'd give him a shopping list each week and I'd get him to set up a direct debit with the council for the Community Charge. In that way, the son meets his obligation and Dad gets a fair contribution to the house share.

You're right, I haven't dealt with this in the right way and as a consequence, neither has he. I can't see the point of getting him to pay direct for certain things like Community Charge, he could easily stop that as well and that could open up even more problems. Best to keep it simple.

As for stuff like sharing with the chores and cleaning etc. Let's keep it in the realms of reality shall we. You should see his bedroom!

becs

My parents never charged me housekeeping when I was living at home and I lived there until I was 27. I did however buy my own food and also some of the food for my parents as well. I got off extremely likely!
I would say however looking back now it was probably one of the worst things they could have done. I never learned the value of money until it was too late, like your son I got myself into debt. When I bought my own house I got into even more debt and had to remortgage to clear some. This was 9 years ago and I now have learned from my mistakes fortunately for me before things became out of hand. I am now debt free and have a good amount of savings and my husband and I now budget very carefully.
I think if my parents had charged me housekeeping right from the first day of getting a job then I would have been forced into budgeting from a much earlier age. I think £350 from what he is earning is more than fair. He says he can get a room fro £300, well he may well do but that won't include his food or someone to run around after him! Please feel free to show your son my comments. I am now 36 so not from an older generation where these opinions may be standard. I love my parents dearly and now realise how extremely lucky I was but I think it's a lesson in life I could have learned much earlier with their help.

kr15snw

What does he get for the £350? Does he do housework / cook himself meals? Or do you buy everything for him including toiletries etc? And do all the housework.

This makes a HUGE difference!

barklyboy

becs wrote: »

My parents never charged me housekeeping when I was living at home and I lived there until I was 27. I did however buy my own food and also some of the food for my parents as well. I got off extremely likely!
I would say however looking back now it was probably one of the worst things they could have done. I never learned the value of money until it was too late, like your son I got myself into debt. When I bought my own house I got into even more debt and had to remortgage to clear some. This was 9 years ago and I now have learned from my mistakes fortunately for me before things became out of hand. I am now debt free and have a good amount of savings and my husband and I now budget very carefully.
I think if my parents had charged me housekeeping right from the first day of getting a job then I would have been forced into budgeting from a much earlier age. I think £350 from what he is earning is more than fair. He says he can get a room fro £300, well he may well do but that won't include his food or someone to run around after him! Please feel free to show your son my comments. I am now 36 so not from an older generation where these opinions may be standard. I love my parents dearly and now realise how extremely lucky I was but I think it's a lesson in life I could have learned much earlier with their help.

Thanks for this, I will show him. Mind you, I do not know how he is going to react when he discovers I have been discussing this with half of the UK! It's also nice to receive positive viewpoints from younger people who understand where I am coming from!