Son's housekeeping money!

PolishBigSpender

Just my Polish point of view.

If you charge your child now, don't go complaining when he won't help to pay for your own care needs when you're older! A huge interest-only mortgage suggests that you don't have much in the way of capital - and would you (as in everyone that supports charging him money!) really be surprised if he refused to help out after his parent took, took and took from him?

bc3000

Maybe your son just doesn't realise how expensive it is to run a house, especially if he's never lived on his own before. Show him bills- explain how much gas/electric/food/council tax/etc costs, surely then he can't complain? He can't expect you to pay for all of that if he's earning a decent wage! I also agree with others who suggested showing him how much it was to rent a room in a house around your area. Maybe if you figure out a price together he'll be a bit more accepting? Good luck anyway.

Wine_of_the_World

Just wanted to say a "well done" for asking for money. I went out with a lovely guy who, in his late 20s had been given free rent in his mothers house since he finished school (she didnt live there having moved in with boyfriend). But living rent free did him no favours - he was terrible with budgeting and managing his money! Always skint at the end of the month, and no hope of paying a mortgage off.

I think even if parents dont need the money, they should still take it and put it away quietly in a deposit fund or somthing. So yes, do get your son to pay you something, otherwise he will get used to wasting his money - really is so easy to do no matter how lovely your son is. In the long run you will be helping him. Budgeting for living expenses is a really important skill to learn.

Brighton_belle

But Polish spender - the OP's son isn't 'a child' but a grown man. He has yet to learn how to stop living beyond his means and already earns well. The son is not ill, or struggling on minimum wage...I think it is the son who is taking, but doesn't realise that yet becasue he hasn't learnt to cut the apron strings(and I mean that kindly).
The OP is providing a good home for him. And surely it is part of good parenting to teach a child to pay his own way rather than sponge off others.
I doubt it would occur to the OP to expect his children to fund him in his old age, which is probably a very long way off anyway.If the son can't manage his out goings and responsibilities now, I doubt he'll have any money to help his aging parents anyway.
Loving your child includes doing what the OP is doing: teaching them to be financially savvy and independent and not take take take, and to care for those in need when appropriate. The son is a capable independent man and is not 'in need'. ...

Room in this area, bills inclusive, are about £400. This does not include food.

Quasar

I know a 30 year old woman who has never left home, and although she works and does earn enough to live on, she won't contribute a penny to the household. Her mother pays for all the bills and food and on top of that cleans after her daughter, who expects and expects and gets angry when things don't go her way. I saw her growing up spoilt and obliged in every whim. I'd say her mother hasn't taught her a thing about responsibility and living independently.

When children are grown up and have learnt to earn a living, they also need to learn that there are things such as paying for a home and the bills that go with it.

To the OP - I WOULD kick him on the street where he will at last learn to stand on his two feet, because this is one of those cases where you have to be cruel to be kind. Otherwise the longer your son takes advantage of you, the harder it will be for him to learn about the harsh realities of life. Then take on a lodger.

pug_in_a_bed

I paid my parents £325, which covered everything, ctax, bills, internet etc.

Have my own flat now (only the last month) and don't i know how lucky i was, esp. with christmas coming, guinea pigs to feed....

barklyboy

Thanks for the great responses again!

Firstly, I do not want my son to pay a percentage of his wages. It's just at the moment it works out at about 25%. I would not expect him to pay more as his wages increase - unless living expenses go up. But also, how do you think it would work if say, he is still living with me in 5 years time (gulp!) and he has been very successful and is on £60k - should he still only pay me £350 if my outgoings are the same as now? I wouldn't be happy to be honest.

As for my interest only mortgage - I took out a fixed 2 year mortgage at the time purely to keep my outgoings down whilst there were lots of other expenses going on. My plan was to start paying off the loan at the end of this term. However, since then, with the credit crunch and further demands for maintenance and business being very quiet I have had to stay on interest only. I do not see this as along term situation. When I do transfer to a repayment mortgage I will have to find and extra £700 a month approx. I will not expect my son to pay me more when this happens. My interest only mortgage is really just the same as paying rent except my landlord is Northern Rock - bless 'em.

I think it is difficult for kids to understand that they have to pay their way in life. I told my kids about housekeeping money when they were still at school and they would have to pay it. They could not grasp the idea in any shape or form. It was as if I had said I was going to sleep in the fast lane of the M4 for a week. They said; you brought us into this world - you should have to pay for us.

The amount of £80 a week sounds very reasonable. Even more so when it's £11.43 a day all in! I think he thinks, that because he is not here much i.e. He gets up, goes to work, comes in about 7pm usually eats but not always and then disappears over the weekend and crashes out at a mates. He probably thinks he should be charged by the hour he is here.

As for the Polish point of view; Thanks but I do not expect my kids to look after me in my old age or would want them too! I plan to win the lottery or meet a rich widower;) Or, heaven forbid, the likes of Gordon Brown to help me.

I appreciate all your replies and plan to sit him down and go through it all bill by bill. I also intend for him to read all of this which hopefully, will help my cause.

Balanced_Views

My parents always told me money didn't grow on trees. I didn't find that surprising, the problem was I was never told where it did grow. So when I first went out to work I thought the money I earnt was mine, all mine to spend on whatever I wished. I soon realised that most of it had to go on living expenses and, if I was lucky enough to have any left over, I could have special treats, like going out, nice clothes etc., etc.

Not enough is done to prepare children for when they first go out to work. How to budget, manage money and, more importantly, what they should expect to pay for. It should be on the school curriculum. A lot of children are lucky enough to have parents who have been able to afford to give them everything they could possibly want. Sometimes they get that even if the parents can't afford it. The problem with this is, when children become adults they still expect to have everything they want, when they want it. They don't grasp the fact that most parents, after years of working and earning to raise their families, have to continue working and earning to live themselves.

Barklyboy mentions his son's debts. As he hasn't been paying his essential living expenses, it has to be assumed that he has been spending a lot of his pay, and more, on non-essentials/luxuries. He has to learn to live within his means and get his priorities right.

PolishBigSpender: It is normal in the UK for adult children living at home to contribute to housekeeping and parents do not expect their offspring to look after them in their old age. They have to struggle to do that themselves.

Ms Chocoholic: I imagine Barklyboy was stating the percentage of the, reasonable, contribution he expects from his son's earnings now and not on whatever he earns.

As suggested earlier, a 'man to man' talk on expenditure and a bit of guidance should give the son a better understanding and the knowledge that nothing in life is free.

There's a good spreadsheet on this site for budgeting and managing money. It should focus Barklyboy's son on what he should be spending his money on how much he has left for 'play' things.

barklyboy

I have been struggling with this subject for a while really. Considering that every family will have to deal with the 'housekeeping' subject at some point, I am amazed there is not more information on it. I have googled the subject and not much appears. I would have thought the government would have some sort of guidelines on it as there seems to be guidelines for everything these days but I guess if there was, they would be absurd and out of touch.

Perhaps Martin Lewis should cover the subject on the Jeremy Vine show - are you reading this Martin! I would be interested in your views!

ailuro2

If he's living there as an adult with the freedom to come and go as he pleases, then he should pay for half of everything INCLUDING bills,food,council tax (it would be 25% cheaper if he wasn't there, remember) but EXCLUDING your mortgage.

Sit him down and show him it on paper.

He should also do half the housework, or pay for a cleaner himself to do his share of the work if he's not willing to take his turn.

If he doesn't pay his lodging bills then leave a rough draft for 'lodger required' lying around where he'll see it.;)