Son's housekeeping money!

scubaangel

I'm 24 and moved back to my Dad's house after I left a job which was live in, when I moved back I agreed to pay £50 a week, while I wasn't earning much I paid what I could afford to after paying my other expenses and once I was working full time started to pay him the 'arrears', when I changed jobs again to a lower paid one I carried on paying him £50 a week, at the moment the £215 monthly (ish) is around 1/3 of my monthly salary. I know I couldn't find a semi decent flat for that money so intend to stay here until I and my oh have enough saved to rent/buy together.

Frankly your son is taking the pee, if he won't pay then kick him out, let him see how well he can live on his money then (and I would love to earn a salary like his as it would let me move out and live comfortably).

hels_xix

Spotted this while lurking. Thought it was interesting.

When I was a lowly undergrad on a placement yr (~900pcm take home) I paid £250 a month keep.
I think that was pretty generous looking back actually considering as I said I had two more years to fund (from student loans and overdrafts, not parents!), but I don't think it stretched much further than the cost of me being there.

As a growned up graduate in a chunk of debt on ~1600 take home (ok, its more complex, i took a free salary loan so I had ~1100 take home for 11 months but paid off over 4k overdrafts in one big swoop) I paid them £300pcm. An amount carefully chosen so there was a decent contribution to the house, but I was still able to pay debts, live well and save (one day a house will be mine!)

For perspective: I can get rooms for £200 easily in my area, but a nice room, £250 plus bills seems about right?

I actually moved into a friends house and pay £325 inc bills.

I am worse off, but have more freedoms, for a start there isnt a 5 year old requiring near silence at 7pm (ie, when I get home) nor a mother who rules the remote (love her but living with her is much different...). I'm still compromising of course, but thats life.

I have no point to make other than
a) to reassure u that ur 250-350 level appears fair on first look.
b) suggest you look at how much an alternative would be with ur son for perspective (is he thinking the £350 is too harsh?
c) After figuring out the real costs of an alternate houseshare consider a tantalising "having to live with dad" discount. My house deposit saving fund has took a hit (if I had stayed at home I'd save another 225 - 150 food, 50 fuel as am further from work and 25 rent) but I decided our sanity was worth it (we are much better friends when we don't see each other all the time!)

unhappy_with_ecar

It sounds like apart from the money you have a decent relationship with your son. Its very easy for people to say you should kick him out but in reality emotions come into play and why would you mess up a good relationship with him over money.
Having said that, I agree that he should pay board and I'm sure deep down he agrees with that too. But he's 21 and in the first few years of his life where he is suddenly having decent amounts of money to spend and enjoy himself. Who can honestly say that they didn't want to do the same at that age.
As far as your financial outgoings are concerned, even though you've told your son about them he probably doesn't realise that they exist as a problem. As a human race we have this ability to always believe that other people don't have the money worries that we do and I think that view is certainly held by children about their parents, they certainly don't think they have debts - "Dad doesn't understand, he always has money to pay for things".
As I've said, your son probably deep down accepts that he should pay something, how much though he probably doesn't even know himself.
You have a good relationship with him, sit down, be honest, show him what you are paying out, tell him what you think is fair as board and ask him what he thinks is fair. Then hopefully you can meet in the middle, if he ends up paying you something he accepts is fair then he is more likely to stick to it

shellsuit

You want £350 from him.

How much does he think is fair?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that £350 would cover....

rent
council tax
water
gas
elec
internet
landline
tv licence
home insurance
food/shopping for the house

There could be other things but I can't think off the top of my head.


So that's £80.76 a week for all the above and sounds perfectly fine to me!

(£350 x 12 months divided by 52 weeks in the year)

Have you put it on paper like that to show him?

aliadds

Just wanted to let you know that i'm in a similar situation to you, having my 20 yr old son living with me. He earns less than your son but pays me £80 a week. He is more than happy with this as he realises he's getting a good deal. In different circumstances I would ask for less, but he appreciates living in a warm house, with tv, internet, clean clothes, good food etc.
He also does household chores as well. It's very much teamwork rather than mum looking after her 'little' boy. I have to say that it works really well for us!

paddy's_mum

Why not get your local ads newspaper for a week or two and circle those ads that show how much just a room, or lodgings, or flat-share would cost. That surely gives you both a starting point to assess whether one side or the other is being ripped off or exploited.

I have to agree with shellsuit's comment above that £80 a week all in is entirely reasonable and to be honest, if I could find a pad like yours that would also allow me to keep my pets, I'd be jumping at it! What luxury to never again have to wash the fascias or paint a skirting board, and as for keeping my money in the bank when the boiler goes on the blink .. !

Just a thought but it wouldn't be comments from his mother that are helping to fuel his animosity over the costs, is it? Has she said what she would expect to charge her sons when the time comes, or if this eldest boy should choose to live with her?

As a last resort, you could put your boy in the small guest room and have a lodger in what was his room. That would surely show the true value and cost of the space and services he takes, wouldn't it?

Oldernotwiser

silvercar wrote: »

Do you have a huge interest only mortgage because you chose to buy a big home, or do you have this big mortgage for other reasons? If the only reason you have a big mortgage is because you were buying a place big enough for your son to live in then fair enough, if you can't honestly say that you would have had this large mortgage anyway, then it is unfair to lay that as a burden on your son.

If you charge him anymore than the extra costs you incur by having your son with you, then you are profiting out of him. It is commendable that he is using his income to reduce his debts rather than be out clubbing every night. Kids these days are saddled with debts from education and finding it hard to carve out careers.

Encourage him and enjoy the time you have his company.

It's not really a question of paying off the mortgage though, is it? If this were rent rather than mortgage, why shouldn't the son not pay his share of it?

Whilst it may be commendable to pay off his debts, it shouldn't be at the expense of paying his share, otherwise it's his father who's repaying them indirectly.

pollypenny

Been in situation of adults kids coming back home a few times and have always charged board. Luckily, we weren't hard up , but wanted them to be realistic.

Why not sit down with him and go through the finances of you both - honestly?
He will have outgoings, but he must learn to budget too.

thorsoak

If there are two of you sharing this house, then the bills should be split 50/50 - even if he is your son! It is your mortgage, so obviously you shouldn't be sharing that with him - but he should be charged a sum as "rent". After all, he can't live for free elsewhere, can he - and if he were sharing elsewhere, the bills would be split proportionately?

And if he owes you money, then that should be a separate issue and should be paid back at an agreed amount per month.

He won't thank you now - but later on, he might (grudging ) admit that you were right to charge him housekeeping.

viktory

silvercar wrote: »

Do you have a huge interest only mortgage because you chose to buy a big home, or do you have this big mortgage for other reasons? If the only reason you have a big mortgage is because you were buying a place big enough for your son to live in then fair enough, if you can't honestly say that you would have had this large mortgage anyway, then it is unfair to lay that as a burden on your son.

If you charge him anymore than the extra costs you incur by having your son with you, then you are profiting out of him. It is commendable that he is using his income to reduce his debts rather than be out clubbing every night. Kids these days are saddled with debts from education and finding it hard to carve out careers.

Encourage him and enjoy the time you have his company.

Totally disagree. It is none of our, or anyone else's business why has has a huge mortgage. The money the OP is asking for is more than reasonable - especially as the boy owes his father money.

Personally, I would list everything that has to be paid on a monthly basis (including that mortage) and make a suggestion to the lad:

a) He pays half of everything
b) He pays £350 a month as requested
c) He packs his bags and tries living rent free elsewhere.