Son's housekeeping money!

Liquorice_Twirls

I think he's taking the proverbial! You're putting a roof over his head and food in his belly and yet you are the last one to be paid.

You don't say how old he is, I'm guessing in his 20's, so if so he's more than old enough to pay what's being asked of him or to sling his hook and manage in the real world where there won't be people like you willing to wait for their debts to be paid.

I don't know how anybody could be profiting from the sum you're asking from him. There's council tax that he would have to pay if living elsewhere, elec/gas/water, food, tv licence etc. He always has a choice and I don't believe he could get that much anywhere else, and choose to stop paying when it suits him. Why can't you put him out - it's not like he has not wage?

Maybe it's time to show him some tough love - pay up or ship out to the real world.

liney

silvercar wrote: »

Do you have a huge interest only mortgage because you chose to buy a big home, or do you have this big mortgage for other reasons? If the only reason you have a big mortgage is because you were buying a place big enough for your son to live in then fair enough, if you can't honestly say that you would have had this large mortgage anyway, then it is unfair to lay that as a burden on your son.

If you charge him anymore than the extra costs you incur by having your son with you, then you are profiting out of him. It is commendable that he is using his income to reduce his debts rather than be out clubbing every night. Kids these days are saddled with debts from education and finding it hard to carve out careers.

Encourage him and enjoy the time you have his company.

Student loans are a pittance to pay back, and there's nothing commendable about a youngster who lives at home with his parent and still manages to get himself into debt.

It's not the sons job to pay off his dad's mortgage.

It's not the dad's job to subsidise his Adult son either.

Options:

Dad gets a lodger who will pay his very reasonable room rates, and son moves into a dodgy shared house paying out more then he pays now, making them both worse off.

Son, stops being a selfish sod, and pays he dad the very reasonable rooms rates and dad provides his creature comforts, and they are both better off.

Dad isn't asking the earth so perhaps it would do son good to move out even temporarily to realise what a good deal he has.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

No reason why you can't tell him to move out and see how he manages in the real world. If he earns that much just for himself, he can easily afford a commercial rent. (yes, I know emotionally, it's different, but practically, it isn't impossible). If he's already like this, don't be persuaded to stand as guarantor for any rent either, or you could end up paying his rent as well. Young people are supposed to do flat/house shares or bedsits - that's what they are there for. It's important that they aren't expecting a palace for their first home, as they will be sorely disappointed. (unless they're squillionaires)

Rent always comes first. It's a priority bill. The sooner he learns that, the happier his life will be.

I'm not saying throw him out screaming that he is never to darken your door again, and by all means take him back if it all goes horribly wrong (ensuring the bills are paid first, obviously). But there are plenty of people around - those on benefit for a start - who cope on considerably less than that a month, and he needs to learn how to do it too, without relying on you to bail him out, or one day it could be his wife and kids who suffer as they end up on the street due to his not paying the bills.

It may be time for him to be nudged out of the nest - he may thrive, he may land with a bump, but it is unreasonable for him to expect to live there rent free, no matter whether you bought a mansion or a tiny house in the middle of the property madness, or have a tatty old yurt in a field.

I hope things go well for you.

McKneff

Sit him down, tell him from now on he does his own shopping, cooking, cleaning,
and everything else you do for him. He has to pay towards any utilites that he uses on a weekly basis in cash.

i wonder who will get fed up first, when he has to go shopping on the way home from work every night and then have to start cooking.

Say it, mean it and carry it through or tell him to find somewhere else to live.

barklyboy

Well! Thanks for the replies - I didn't think I would get much response!

I've read all your comments and hope to cover all your points/questions on this post...

He is 21. He didn't go to Uni and went straight into a very nice job/career.
I am struggling with the idea of kicking him out because he is my son! Could you kick your son/daughter out? In my first job (before the wheel was invented) I was paid £12 and I paid my Mum £5 of that.

I have a large mortgage for several reasons. I wanted a big enough house for me and my son plus an extra bedroom for when my other boys stayed over. The house itself is modest! I also had to pay my ex a lump sum to pay her off or I would have had to pay her maintenance as well. That lump sum went on my mortgage.

I find myself at 53, in more debt than I have ever been in my life. My ex walked off with twice as much as me but that's a different story I will not burden you with but it has a lot to do with my current situation. My total domestic outgoings are approx £2,200 a month plus other bills associated with my small design business and also includes maintenance for my youngest son.

I have been working to feed, clothe and put a roof over my kids heads (and my ex) for a long time. I just feel now I shouldn't have to. If I was a millionaire I would still make my son pay housekeeping money so he learns the value of it and how to pay his way in life.

It is just me and him living here. I also buy the food and cook it when he wants it! My son says he could get a room for £300 but he can't afford that either. I am not sure of his ougoings but it's the usual; car, petrol, phone, drink! and credit card commitments plus sundries.

I want him to have a good life and enjoy himself because he works hard but not at my expense. Just for the record - he's a great son other than the financial bit! He also says none of his other mates are asked to pay so much but not many of them are in a single parent family with one wage.

I may show him all your posts and ask him to put his point of view - watch this space! Thanks again...

foxy-roxy

I think depending on if food and how much they are home, then £50 a week is pretty much ok, the £50 a week being without food, otherwise what he is paying now, or what you are asking is perfectly acceptable, especially with food.

timmmers

I'm wondering how the son getting more money means he has to pay a quarter of it still?
Him paying is fair, but not a %age of what he earns...more like what it costs for him to actually live there?

It's easy to work out the actual costs by simply treating his liiving there as a lodger you don't know...what would you charge them ?

t

cavework

Barklyboy.. yes it is hard to kick him out .. I know, 6 weeks later mine returned home after finding out that he could not get a better deal elsewhere and absolutely nowhere is avaliable to rent all in for £60 a week including food and laundery.:rotfl:
He is a grown up man .. make him take responsibility..if you don't he will have a very hard shock later in life.
Good luck
xx

Ms_Chocaholic

timmmers wrote: »

I'm wondering how the son getting more money means he has to pay a quarter of it still?
Him paying is fair, but not a %age of what he earns...more like what it costs for him to actually live there?

It's easy to work out the actual costs by simply treating his liiving there as a lodger you don't know...what would you charge them ?

t

I think paying a 25% percentage of what he earns (£250 of £1,000 is fine) up to a certain limit; therefore if he earned £750 then £187 pcm would also be okay but I don't agree that it is acceptable to take 25% of whatever he earns. Say for example he got an excellent job earning £3k pcm, then it's not fair to make him pay £750 pcm

fabforty

barklyboy wrote: »

Hi
I'd like to hear your viewpoint/advice on my son's housekeeping money and what is a fair amount to pay.
A bit of background; I split from my wife 3 years ago and have 3 sons. The eldest lives with me, the other two with their Mother. I am in my early 50's and now have a huge mortgage which I am paying interest only on. I told my son I wanted £250 a month from him for housekeeping money at the time he was earning about £1000 a month. He started to pay it by DD, I didn't really keep an eye on it and he stopped paying me. Along with me lending him money, I increased his housekeeping to £350 to pay me back. When he had I told him I wanted to keep it at £350. He says he can't afford it and he stopped the DD again! He now earns about £1300 a month. I want to be fair and I think a 25% of his take home pay is fair. But instead of paying me, he's paying off his debts (I think) and paying for everything else before he pays anything to me.
I can't kick my son out on the streets but I am not willing to let him get away with it either. Am I asking for too much?

It is only right that your son pays his way - he's 21 years old which makes him an adult, so it's time for him to grow up. He is living under your roof and you are entitled to set certain rules. On the flip side, you also need to be fair. Instead of asking him to pay a percentage of his salary, try setting a fixed amount that he will pay and agree what it will cover, e.g. food, bills, telephone etc. Then it his his responsibility to make sure that he pays it in full and on time. After all, if you were renting the room to stranger, you wouldn't be able to keep increasing the rent everytime they got a pay rise. Likewise if your son was renting privately, he couldn't just stop paying whenever it suited him. I understand your not wanting to put him out on the street, but actually the choice is not between living with you and living on the streets, the choice is between living with you or living elsewhere. He has a job and a mother - he will not be homeless. £350 a month is reasonable. I also get the impression (correct me if I'm wrong), that you do a lot for him - cook whenever he asks - and that also needs to change. You are giving him mixed messages, you want to him pay his way like an adult, but then you baby him by cooking on demand, letting him off without paying his way, etc.

Your own finances are a separate issue. If you cannot manage on your current income plus whatever rent you agree with your son, then you need to reduce your outgoings - maybe downsizing to a one or two bed property. Your older son will have to find his own place and you can always get a sofa bed for when your other sons' visit. I do understand that you want to have spare rooms for your kids to visit you, but to be frank it might be a luxury that you can't afford and they will have nowhere to stay if you can't pay the mortgage and lose your own altogether. Alternatively you need to find ways of increasing your income (not by charging your son more rent), perhaps take in a lodger, or find a part-time job.

Start by having an adult conversation with your older son. Agree the ground rules for him living with you and stick to your guns. Then take a serious look at our finances and make a start on sorting those out.

Hope that helps.