Room for a little one with a massive debt?!

In_my_dreams

((((RT))))) I am so so sorry to read this, I missed your message from the other day.

It sounds so very final, do you think OH may change his mind about children faced with the prospect of you not being together? Wish I knew what to say, a horrible horrible time for you.

I'm afraid I have to say shame on his parents for making your life so difficult - without being controversial, it is so very sad that religion is separating people when it should bring them together and I'm sorry that you have had to suffer because of that.

Big hugs to you xx

ramblingtree

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the hugs and support.
What pushed it was I was so stressed about everything I went to the university counselling service. I told OH, which prompted him to speak to his parents, I think the shock of professional help was what did it. And he really doesn't want us to split up, and I thought that at least if we were talking about that as a possible solution it would at least jolt him into sorting his thoughts. Which it has, but sadly for us it has just confirmed that he definitely doesn't want them. He says his worst fear is changing his mind later on and me not being there, but he still thinks its best for us to break up as he can't see that happening. So I think it is pretty final.
His parents have been awful, but I'm trying not to focus on that part and just see it as something that had to happen, and doesn't take away from the fact we love each other and have had lots of good times.
It is so very hard though.
Thanks again
xx

In_my_dreams

I feel so sad for both of you, particularly as you both love each other. Is there any chance you could both go to Counselling and see if there is a way out of this whilst you are having a trial separation?

Thinking of you xx

geranium72

Hi rambling

Sent you a PM - hope you are ok.

Just wanted to say have some big hugs and let us know if we can do anything at all

hypno06

I've just caught up over the last few posts and as someone who is also going through a break up, albeit for different reasons, I can only offer you the obligatory virtual hugs and jaffa cakes.

However, (again, my situation is very different to yours in that we have been married for 20 years and have children etc) my big piece of advice would be to keep talking to OH. Not every day, necessarily, but don't break the lines of communication. For me and OH, there is definitely no way back, and yet we have found that the only people who have anything "hurtful" or even spiteful to say have been other people, not me and OH.....and the fact that we still talk to each other will hopefully mean that we come through it without unnecessary bitterness.

It hurts, boy does it hurt, and I wish I could make it better for you, but just take one day at a time - the tears will come in good time, as the numbness shifts, and of course the practical stuff may seem overwhelming, but I have found that by throwing myself into sorting out the practical stuff I have managed to retain a tiny little bit of control over the situation.

xx

ramblingtree

Thanks all.
IMD - I suggested counselling, but in all honesty, we actually communicate very well, he's good at thinking about things and articulating them, and I just think we'll be happier apart. Eventually. The thing is also, I've had an inkling for a while that, although OH loves me and doesn't want this to happen, he feels it isn't quite right either, and I think I've been proved right in this as he's started to tell people the last couple of days and things, and although very sad, he seems ok about it as well.

Baby steps though, we're both still in the flat together, we talk ok, although quietly and not a huge amount, so I think it can all pass without animosity. Just lots to sort out.

Hypno - I just caught up with your diary, I don't get on here as much as I'd like so weren't aware of your situation. I'm sorry for you, and can't even imagine the trauma when its been 20 years of marriage and children to think of. Sending lots of hugs your way. I think I'm like you in the taking control of practical things, although as its only been a few days we've agreed to pause a bit before making any decisions. Thanks for the advice though, I really hope we can do this without mean comments and anger. Everyone around us has been so supportive so far, I have been so touched by the love and support of people I work with, friends, on here, family. I really do feel lucky to have such good people in my life.

As an aside, I noticed on your diary about meeting someone in Thetford. I spent the first 18 years of my life there!

OK, really should get on with some work. My boss is being very understanding and pretty much saying, whatever I need to do, do it, but I also do have to get some things done...
At the moment I'm just planning lots of nice things with friends and being looked after to cushion the initial blow.

Thanks all,
xxx

hypno06

ramblingtree wrote: »

As an aside, I noticed on your diary about meeting someone in Thetford. I spent the first 18 years of my life there!

See, there are just some things in life that can't be helped :rotfl:

ramblingtree

hahaha, so true! Not a place I would like to live again!!!

Happytogetdebtfree

Rambles, ive just caught up, ((hugs)) i dont know what to say, im sorry for you, im here and il read your rants i may not offer great advice but il eat all the virtual junk food and drink all the virtual coffees to keep you company through this.... i hope things find a way of working out nicely xxxxx

savingholmes

sorry RT just caught up - I think although hard - if you want kids and he doesn't you made the right decision

Hugs - there must be so much emotion as well as practical things to sort out...

Good news about the on-going phd funding tho - that will help a teensy bit - at least in terms of having some stability