Room for a little one with a massive debt?!

ramblingtree

Thanks IMD - really appreciate your post. The university offers free counselling, so I have had an intro session and am on the waiting list to see someone for a few sessions, which I'm really feeling positive about.
Some days it just feels like everything is an uphill struggle. At some point I really wish just one thing was easy!!!
Thanks again.
xx

In_my_dreams

Sometimes just speaking to someone who isn't your OH who wants to solve it can make all the difference x

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi rambles, im still feeling less positive but thats life ... honeymoon was lovely but it rained for 12 days we were near the haiti earthquake but of course the alcohol made me thing i was just tipsy but stiull scary, i thought oh no im on honeymoon and il be swept out to sea lol but i made it home and since then ive felt really down and frustrated and just really hating the world, sometime i think im doing the house up ready to sell and enjoy, then i think no i better pay the debt quicker but i feel sometimes abit of the house been done ready for selling will show me my spend i dont mean get into debt for it save up and do the odd bits i just cant continue like this at the moment im really feeling the low times ... but i feel okish i have to be,,, i got in such a mad frustrated rage and had a stonk of an argument with oh and in my anger i shook a radiator off the wall i just felt so angry at the situation i needed to shake it out it was either that or meltdown :S

ramblingtree

Thanks IMD.
Happy - sending big hugs to you. It is so frustrating. Plus I think post honeymoon blues is common (not that I would know!) where you come back to reality with a thud and real life hits you square between the eyes. OH and I have the same decisions regarding home improvements. To do it and pay less debt or do it so we have a nicer place to live which will make us happier. A balance as always I guess. Look at your signature though, you have done so well! In such a short amount of time to have paid off over £13k is amazing. And you're already on target with your 2010 goal. You really are on a fast journey. You can either plug away and be done with it in just 26 months or maybe you would feel better stretching it out to 36 and having more money in the meantime? 26 months though, that goes by soooooo quickly.

And rant on here! Rant as much as you like about how rubbish it all is and how you hate the debt and how its sucking the fun from your life. And then you can walk away from the computer and be nice to OH and enjoy simple things together.
More hugs, they are free and so so good for you!
xxx

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi rambles thanks so much that was a nice read, i think i may save some cash for home improvemnets because it will make me feel better and i can hopefully catch up with my target of overpayments, but i want to be happy in my home as long as i arent gaining debt im happy i think still think life sucks but :P its good to have goofd people on here... tea is slimming world chips chesse and beans yum yuj :Dxx

planning_ahead_2

Hi RT

Just caught up with your diary - nothing to add really except to send you some :grouphug::grouphug:

Don't worry too much that budgetting has gone out the window for the moment - you know what you need to do to get that back on track and you know will do it:T

It's more important to focus your energies on your relationship and how you want that to move forward at the moment.

As least you know you have a great sounding board on here;)

ramblingtree

Hi all,
Sorry for yet another absence, I have no idea where the time goes...
So, whats new with me? Well, budgetting is still not great, but, think still on track to pay minimums and scrape together enough pennies to get through the next month or so. Good news is I have 4 months extra funding at my PhD, so now being paid until the end of July which is great. After that who knows, but at least it gives me more time. Its a little less than I'm on at the moment which is also a worry, but I've been picking up extra shifts in the pub, and my parents have offered to help a little bit if I get stuck. Which obviously isn't ideal and not what I want, but at least the offer is there to keep me afloat.

On the OH and I front, things not good at all. Things have been very tense as we have discussions about whether we have a future or not. If you'll indulge me telling you about it, I'll try and keep it fairly succinct...

There are two main problems. One, whether or not we will have children. I definitely want them, but he is not sure. It was one of those things that was always a future decision, but I turned 30 last month, and I've been burying my head in the sand the last year or so about it, and now I feel we need to resolve this. He still is almost sure he doesn't, but feels he may change his mind.

The second big problem is his parents. Who I haven't seen in 7 years as his father doesn't like my family being Catholic. And so refuses to acknowledge my existance. Which has been an ongoing problem between OH and I, as he still visits/calls them and maintains their relationship, without me involved. Which has always been hurtful and I feel like I come second behind them. Until a few weeks ago when I finally cracked and said I couldnt' actually deal with it anymore. So, despite us having this conversation before, he finally realised it was a make or break thing and spoke to his dad, who has agreed to meet up. And so now OH is saying maybe we can have all those normal things like marriage and children, but I don't know if I want them with him now, as it has been necessary for his parents to approve and not because he has put me first. And the more time that passes the more I think actually I would rather be by myself and try and find someone who wants to make a family with me despite what everyone else thinks and that if I stay I will always feel down the list on OH priorities. So its all very stressful and confusing and he is trying to fix things but I don't know if I want him to.

Thats sort of a shortened version of events, but its already a long post so I will leave it there! But that, added to money worries and work worries means I'm just not feeling good at the moment. Although I have friends who have been amazing and my family have been great, so its not all bad.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and any opinions/advice/thoughts always welcome!
xx

40somethingmum

Hi RT,

Just thought I would rush in and send you a (((hug)). Being in debt is stressful enough without others adding to it ( OH parents):mad:. I cannot offer any pearls of wisdom but I would say just stay true to your own values .... you have got to be happy that YOU choose the path that is right for YOU.


Love

40SMxx

ramblingtree

Thanks 40somethingmum,
Sadly, none of the family stuff mattered in the end, OH said he really couldn't see himself ever wanting children, and we decided the only thing to do was break up. This only happened on Tuesday so its still new and strange. It hasn't sunk in at all yet, I haven't even cried since Tuesday, just getting on with day to day. Busying myself I think to ignore what is going on. The good thing is there is no animosity, just a lot of sadness. But OH respects my needs and understands my decisions.
I have no idea how to even start to untangle our lives. We have two mortgages, our huge amount of debt, everything we own is owned jointly. Where to even start?

xxx

40somethingmum

Oh RT,

So sorry to hear your news. (((hugs)). It will probably be for the best in the end ... but doesn't stop it hurting though . does it?

Be good to yourself.

40SMxx