How to persuade OH to have second baby? Help!

maggied_2

ceridwen wrote: »

...and this is where I am now sitting puzzling by what is meant by only children might "not have had the corners knocked off them". I actually dont honestly know what that means....

....and it doesnt sound particularly nice - whatever it means...

Churchmouse has clarified for me, thanks! That's pretty much what I meant - the give and take of a family, not always coming first and gaining a tacit understanding that others have needs that have to be accommodated.
It also means that they get the banter and teasing that siblings tend to give, sometimes mercilessly!

ceridwen

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I haven't read through the entire thread and someone may already have said this but the OP assumes that if she had another child then they would get on and play together, the children would be company for each other.

A friend of mine had the same dilemma around ten years ago, should she have another child as she didn't want her son, then aged around 5, to be an only child. She went on to have another child and what happened, well the children don't get on and have fought like cat and dog ever since. She doesn't regret having the second child but it was not as she imagined family life to be.

It does indeed depend a lot on the temperament of the first child. Personally if I had wanted children I would have planned on having Number 2 exactly two years after Number 1 - maybe veering back towards an 18 month gap between the two of them. That way Number 1 wouldnt recall any time spent as an only child and there would be less risk of them seeing Number 2 as a "rival" for all resources - time/love/available money. Some children are very aware at quite a young age if there isnt enough money coming into the house for Mummy and Daddy to have another child - and will resent it if there is then another one, as they are intelligent enough to realise this will mean that they also have to do without necessities (and yes - some children can tell the difference between necessities and "consumer goodies" even at that age). Some children just ARE very "adult" at quite a young age - and it is that type of child I would think who would be most inclined to feel that they too had an input as to whether there was to be another child.

Obviously there are no guarantees either way as to how the eldest child would get on with the second child. They might "fight like cat and dog" even if there is only a tiny gap between them, they might get on splendidly even if there is a 15 year gap between them.

Paparika

iofox wrote: »

Blimey, my post has taken a bit of a bashing- I'd like to point out that I was only asking for some positives to having a second child that I could present my OH with, and wasn't planning on tricking or forcing him into it. I'm acting on my very strong maternal instincts, and really don't think that I am being 'selfish' or in some way wrong for wanting 2 children.
UKTigerLily, I'm well aware that I'm lucky to have 1, as I pointed out in my previous post. I'm not posting to rub anyone up the wrong way.
I am assuming that my little one MAY be happier with a sibling based on my own experiences & the experiences of those around me- how else could I do it? I'm not able to go into the future & see what relationship my little one has with their sibling, but all I want to do is give him the chance. That doesn't seem bad to me. I'm not silly enough to assume that everyone with a sibling is happy & that they are best of friends, but I am well aware that a sibling gives us more than friendship & teaches us many life lessons when we're growing up.
I respect my OH and listen to his opinions, that is why I am not demanding anything from him. I just needed some hints on how to make this issue into a more equal discussion.

How to persuade OH to have second baby? Help! .......

minerva_windsong

Does he have any cousins who live close by, or do you have any friends living near you with children his age? I ask because I was effectively an only child (my sisters were twelve and eight when I was born, and so I didn't really grow up with them around me, if that makes sense, as they were out with their friends or off at uni etc), and my cousin who's three years younger than me is an only child. We used to see quite a lot of each other (going on family holidays together and suchlike) and in a way he's become almost as close to me as if he was my real little brother. I know it's not exactly the same but it might go some way towards making up for not having a sibling.

This could also work if he has lots of friends - if he makes friends easily and is quite a confident, outgoing little boy then in theory his friends could become surrogate siblings, particularly if he's at nursery/once he starts school. (ETA: On that note, would it be worth thinking about putting him in nursery if he isn't there already, not necessarily full time, but say one or two mornings a week just to give him that opportunity to socialise? Or are there any mum and toddler groups near you? Could you visit people you know locally with children of his age?)

However only you know your child and if he doesn't actively want for a sibling then I wouldn't push it. My parents considered having another baby after me for similar reasons to yourself - that is, that they were worried about me being lonely - and struggled to see that I was perfectly happy by myself up until I went to university. Some people just like their own company, even at the age of three and a half.

ceridwen

minerva_windsong wrote: »

Does he have any cousins who live close by, or do you have any friends living near you with children his age? I ask because I was effectively an only child (my sisters were twelve and eight when I was born, and so I didn't really grow up with them around me, if that makes sense, as they were out with their friends or off at uni etc), and my cousin who's three years younger than me is an only child. We used to see quite a lot of each other (going on family holidays together and suchlike) and in a way he's become almost as close to me as if he was my real little brother. I know it's not exactly the same but it might go some way towards making up for not having a sibling.

This could also work if he has lots of friends - if he makes friends easily and is quite a confident, outgoing little boy then in theory his friends could become surrogate siblings, particularly if he's at nursery/once he starts school. (ETA: On that note, would it be worth thinking about putting him in nursery if he isn't there already, not necessarily full time, but say one or two mornings a week just to give him that opportunity to socialise? Or are there any mum and toddler groups near you? Could you visit people you know locally with children of his age?)

However only you know your child and if he doesn't actively want for a sibling then I wouldn't push it. My parents considered having another baby after me for similar reasons to yourself - that is, that they were worried about me being lonely - and struggled to see that I was perfectly happy by myself up until I went to university. Some people just like their own company, even at the age of three and a half.

Couldnt have put it better myself...:T:T:T