How to persuade OH to have second baby? Help!

iofox · 11 November 2009 at 10:54AM

Hello! We have a little boy who is 3 and a half, and I've been desperate to give him a little brother or sister for a year now. I'm forever seeing families with 2 children or more & feel so bad for my little one playing on his own. My OH isn't keen & clams up whenever I mention it. Is there anyone else in a similar position who has any advice? x

neneromanova · 11 November 2009 at 10:57AM

You need to sit down with him and ask him why he doesn't want another child. You're child won't suffer being an only child BTW.

Indout96 · 11 November 2009 at 11:05AM

Agree with above, your son will soon be off to nursery / school so wont be playing on his own for long. I used to worry about this for my grandson as he did seem a little lonely at that age and would keep to himself when out, but now at 4 1/2 he is so happy with lots of friends and mixes really well when we take him out to the indoor play areas.
Not sure how you can convince your OH to want another child, could he convince you not to want one? I'm guessing not. As said above you do need to sit down and talk about it.

good luck

MrsTinks · 11 November 2009 at 11:11AM

I wouldn't try to convince him... if you have to convince him then he might always feel slightly resentful that you pressured him into having another child.

Sit down and talk to him and ask why he's not keen on another child - there is obviously a reason which to HIM is very valid - even if when he tells you it may not seem very important to you...

Fuzzy_Duck · 11 November 2009 at 1:33PM

You really have to talk to him properly about it. At the end of the day though you can't force him if he doesn't want another baby. Like neneromanova said, there's nothing wrong with being an only child. When I was growing up with two siblings I wanted nothing more than to have both mum and dad's attention all to myself!

If that's the only reason you want another baby, perhaps get him a dog when he's older? I know a lot of parents who got their child a dog because they didn't want or couldn't have another child and wanted to give them a playmate.

neneromanova · 11 November 2009 at 1:42PM

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

You really have to talk to him properly about it. At the end of the day though you can't force him if he doesn't want another baby. Like neneromanova said, there's nothing wrong with being an only child. When I was growing up with two siblings I wanted nothing more than to have both mum and dad's attention all to myself!

If that's the only reason you want another baby, perhaps get him a dog when he's older? I know a lot of parents who got their child a dog because they didn't want or couldn't have another child and wanted to give them a playmate.

I very much agree with this! I am the eldest of 3 and feel pushed to the back since my brother and sister came along. Get him a dog

mumslave · 11 November 2009 at 1:47PM

I asked my four year old if she would send her little brother back to the shop or the cat (a little kitten that she adores)...she laughed and told me she would keep both. There is nothing wrong with being an only child no, but I know a good few whom do wish they had had siblings. Ultimately speak to your husband, thats all you can do.

Pee · 11 November 2009 at 2:13PM

Best of luck talking to him. It might be the cost he is concerned about, so worth mugging up on extra costs and extra benefits.

One of my friends didn't want another child - he said they couldn't afford it - she got pregnant anyway, obviously takes two that one, and money wasn't really an issue - not that it is a very happy story as I think her PND caused her to be completely unreasonable with him, he's struggled to bond with his daughter and think he is now in love with another woman. They were never going to be happy ever after, but they might have been happier for longer after with only the little boy growing up.

I only want one child but my OH wants two and doesn't think it's fair to have one - I get on brilliantly with my sister who is a real asset in my life and he doesn't have a close relationship with a sibling.

I've told him if we have one and he still thinks he wants another, we will try but whilst I'd be prepared to go through IVF for the first, I wouldn't for the second, which I think is a compromise. Lately he's said that one would be ok so long as we were careful not to spoil it.

Odette · 11 November 2009 at 2:22PM

Oh my Goodness, you cant convince your OH to want another child! I dont think things like that are games and if you bully him into impregnating you then he will resent you.
Why dont you open up a discussion where you both are cool and rational with each other. If your OH isnt keen on another child then there isnt much you can do.

jcr16 · 11 November 2009 at 3:04PM

you need to just sit and talk to him about it. communitcation in a relationship is one of the most important. it might be that deep down he is worried he won't be able to love another child as much as loves his son now ( i know this was something i worried about when i first fell preg with my second ), he might not think you can afford it, maybe he's worried he won't be able to provide for you all. Or it could be something simple like he is just reall happy how you are and hasn't thought about any more.

I can understand what it is like when you want more. i know of some who are desperate to have more and just simple can't and others who want more but there partners won't . but you get through these things by talking.

hope you get some positive outcome of it soon hun x

Petal_3 · 11 November 2009 at 3:21PM

Hi there

I have an only child - my son is 7 yrs old. He was conceived through IVF and was originally a twin. He ALWAYS mentions how lonely he is and takes every opportunity to ask/wish for a brother or sister. Sadly, it's not to be. It makes us feel terrible for him though.

You need to talk - that's all there is to it

Good Luck!

~x~

How to persuade OH to have second baby? Help!

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