How to persuade OH to have second baby? Help!

ceridwen

iofox wrote: »

Btw, I love my little boy with all my heart & know I am so lucky to have him- he's a happy boy but I know how much happier he could be with a sibling. It seems to be that my OH is being unfair to him by denying him the right to such an important thing.

Sorry for the rant!

Errrrmmm......HOW do you "know how much happier he could be with a sibling"? What evidence do you have for stating that? - or are you ascribing your own feelings to another person (ie your boy)?

Is he there on the day/every day (unprompted) saying "I WISH I had a brother or sister Mummy?"/"can I P...L...E..A..S..E have a brother or sister Mummy?". Unless he is - then I think you cant assume that he wants a sibling. Just as some children actively want a brother or sister - others actively want to be an only child. It depends entirely on the child concerned.

Ruby_Moon

neneromanova wrote: »

You need to sit down with him and ask him why he doesn't want another child. You're child won't suffer being an only child BTW.

Yes he will as has been shown and proven time and time again.

foodiestudent

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Yes he will as has been shown and proven time and time again.

I would strongly disagree with this. Having had similar discussions to this with friends who are teachers, they say that often the only children are more confident, less demanding of attention, and able to introduce themselves to children and adults of different ages more comfortably.

Anyway, back to the original subject.
Your son may think that he wants a sibling, but in my opinion (as the youngest child in my family by a few years - I've had the best and worst of both worlds!!) he probably wants a playmate or sibling his own age. I always wanted a sibling or a cousin I was close to - I still do. However, I do have siblings, but as they are considerably older than me.
I want a confidante, friend and sibling my own age. I struggle to identify with my siblings in their 30s, who are married with children, because I am still in my 20s and single.
Bearing in mind if you started trying for a baby, it could take 6 months, your son could be going on 6 by the time your second child is born. Does an 8 year old want to play with a 2 year old - would a 16 year old be able to socialise with his 10 year old brother?

My suggestion would be to strongly consider whether you are using your son's opinion as an excuse for yourself.
And - as everyone else says - discuss with your husband. And to be honest - probably your son too. Arguably he is just as important in your decision making process as his parents are!

Intastella

I'm actually leaving my partner over this issue (not 2nd child, 1st together)...he's another one who clams up.

LJM

i would love another (already have 2 girls) yet my partner takes the sensible route and thinks of the cost/room etc which i agree is sensible and i do too.yet i think it is my maternal urge to have another, sometimes he hints he would love another child. i adore the 2 i have so if it happens it happens if it doesnt then hey ho i think in my sensible head i am a little selfish to want more when i already have plenty when some cannot have any and i am grateful

Hectors_House

Petal wrote: »

Hi there

I have an only child - my son is 7 yrs old. He was conceived through IVF and was originally a twin. He ALWAYS mentions how lonely he is and takes every opportunity to ask/wish for a brother or sister. Sadly, it's not to be. It makes us feel terrible for him though.

You need to talk - that's all there is to it

Good Luck!

~x~

If it helps, Petal I come from a family with a long line of twin births. We are the first two to have survived - one twin always died.

Twins in this situation seem to know there should be another part of them that isn't around.

One day he will be old enough to understand that feeling.

LJM

foodiestudent wrote: »

I would strongly disagree with this. Having had similar discussions to this with friends who are teachers, they say that often the only children are more confident, less demanding of attention, and able to introduce themselves to children and adults of different ages more comfortably.

but then it can go the other way they can be very shy,lacking in confidence unable to stand up for themselves and find it difficult to make friends.i also work in a school and have observed this and had parents show concern over it

iofox

Blimey, my post has taken a bit of a bashing- I'd like to point out that I was only asking for some positives to having a second child that I could present my OH with, and wasn't planning on tricking or forcing him into it. I'm acting on my very strong maternal instincts, and really don't think that I am being 'selfish' or in some way wrong for wanting 2 children.
UKTigerLily, I'm well aware that I'm lucky to have 1, as I pointed out in my previous post. I'm not posting to rub anyone up the wrong way.
I am assuming that my little one MAY be happier with a sibling based on my own experiences & the experiences of those around me- how else could I do it? I'm not able to go into the future & see what relationship my little one has with their sibling, but all I want to do is give him the chance. That doesn't seem bad to me. I'm not silly enough to assume that everyone with a sibling is happy & that they are best of friends, but I am well aware that a sibling gives us more than friendship & teaches us many life lessons when we're growing up.
I respect my OH and listen to his opinions, that is why I am not demanding anything from him. I just needed some hints on how to make this issue into a more equal discussion.

basmic

Myself, I think you and your partner should sit down to talk things over. Don't let him get the impression you are pressurising him into having another child - but do let him know, that you're just trying to understand his views.

If he says no, then respect that. If he says yes, then erm...get going! Either way, you've both talked things over.

I don't agree with leaving him, just because he doesn't want another child. That says to me you don't like his views, and are spitting your dummy because you're not getting what you want.

iofox

Good advice basmic.:) Just have to point out that I was never going to leave him, and implying that I would ever spit my dummy out because I'm not getting what I want is implies that I am being completely selfish again. I think I'm just a bit cross that he gets to make the final decision, even though that's the way it has to be.