Debt free and buy a house by 35

Kepp

Had a read through Andy, wow, you've taken some flack!

My opinion for what it's worth:

Maybe being in debt myself means I see it differently, but I feel it's a bit of an unfair picture being painted of you over there - yes you have made mistakes with money in the past, but now you are rectifying them and there comes a point where you have to stop beating yourself up with the past, learn from it and move on.

It is a good point that the initial agreement was that you paid your debts before you moved in together and that should be stuck too, but I assume you are worrying more that this won't come off once you're debt-free and that you are having on-going arguments and the cold shoulder at this point in time over this issue.

I don't think you should argue over what she spends her money on ie the haircuts, but that is also a two way street, she shouldn't argue with you over what you spend money on either!

I think the mixed signals are unfair - she wants you free of debt but wants expensive dates/treats and perhaps a very expensive ring. One or the other. Although you do need to clear up on this point that she definitely does want these things, and not that you just think she does!

Ignore some of the posts on there - some people have clearly had terrible relationships in the past and that colours their view, but one bad guy doesn't mean the rest are as bad. Just because you have debts doesn't in any way mean you'll get up to some of the things mentioned over there!

No-one should decide if your clothes are expensive enough. Who cares?

She wants to go part-time and therefore you will be paying most of the bills, not sure about that.

It sounds like she either is very insecure or is stringing you along a bit, but that's for you to try and work out.

It seems to swing from worrying she will lose you to ignoring your texts, I would have to say us girls are a pain in the neck!

I think you need to talk and soon, don't ignore this. Money is important but so is being happy and at the moment it seems like all of this is making you very down and making you feel like you have failed constantly and that's not fair. I live with my boyfriend who has no debts and as you can see, mine are substantial. It causes friction now and again (mainly from the hours I work to pay it back) how could it not, but for the most part it's never an issue. He knows the exact figures and how much I pay off every month, I thin it's important to be honest with these things. Clearing debts is a long slow battle as it is, and support is what you need, I couldn't be doing with being made to feel bad constantly by someone else because of it. I can beat myself up enough as it is thanks very much!

Call me old (I hope not at 27!) but relationships are supposed to be about love not who has the biggest savings account. While she's right to make her life as secure as possible you have to remember that not everything can be perfect and you have to be prepared to help each other through bad times too.

Again, it's all just opinion, and of course I've only heard your side of it, but I don't think you're being treated particuarly well and I think you both need a good long chat the next time you see each other (no emails!) to get things straightened out once and for all.

Hope things get better

andymc29

Thanks Beccie, nice to get an opinion from someone in my shoes (figuratively speaking, I'm a size 11).

I'm seeing her this weekend, so will have a chat about things and see if she's a mood to talk.

In other news, I just bought my car insurance for this year, £411:eek:
It would have been over £500, but adding my girlfriend to it took some off, and then even adding my Mum took another little bit off, I'm still down as the main driver, so I'm being honest with them, no funny business.

Still a real pain as I also need a new timing belt fitted, which is another £300.

Just want to relax and enjoy the summer.

Kepp

Yep, definitely figuratively speaking, I'm a size 4!

Car insurance and repairs are painful aren't they, and every year they seem to get more expensive.

I'm sure before you know it this will all be behind you and you'll be able to enjoy the summer, let's hope we haven't had the last of the good weather!

Kepp

Hope things went well for you at the weekend

bevan840

Hi Andy, just read your diary and think you've done amazingly well.

I hope your weekend chat went well, I have to say I agree with Beccie. I know she doesn't want to know what your debts were, but maybe now that you are so close to getting rid of them you can tell her how much it started off as and how much you have actually paid off between LBM now. She might be feeling insecure as she doesn't know what the amount was, therefore she doesn't know whats going on there really as she said she didn't want to know, but maybe if she did she might feel a bit calmer?

Unfortunately my DH was worse with money than I was, which meant when we got a joint bank account my credit report went straight to the bottom I wasn't even aware of any debts that he had so wasn't best pleased to find out after we got married. I am now in charge of anything financial and if he wants money he needs to ask for it (might sound mean but if he had the choice he would take money out without considering the consequences which is why we ended up with my overdraft and CC's maxed out as I was trying to get the food and bills paid for while he did whatever he felt like) he is much better now and knows that if he does need money, it is there, but to let me know preferably before he takes it out, but so long as he lets me know I'm happy.

I think your O2 card was a genius idea, once our money starts getting better I'll be going back to the pocket money thing we used to do, he has his in cash where mine goes into my sole bank account, he doesn't have one and no matter how many times I ask him about it he says he doesn't want one.

I hope your GF can see sense and that you obviously love and care for her deeply, how many other men would go through all this for a woman??? Good luck and keep your chin up, will subscribe to check on how your doing

andymc29

thanks for the comments guys.
We had a good weekend in the end. I cooked a lasagne for us at her house on Saturday night, and we went out for a nice walk on Sunday during the day, didn't do much else as she was buying a new car, so I went for a test drive with her and helped calm her down when she started having a panic attack over whether she was doing teh wrong thing or not, kept worrying that she was being too extravegant. She worries about wasting money when she doesn't need to, but didn't want to have an aging car that might let her down.
We talked about debt a little, she's happy my debt should be gone around September/October time, and seems happy that I've changed my habits for the better. We're going on holiday to the new forest in ten days, she's suggested we both take £200 cash and share the cost of everything for the week, sounds like a good idea.

I think maybe I get a little paranoid about her sometimes, that she wants everything all the time, I think maybe she doesn't and it's just me wanting to please her too much. We bought a few bits of food at the weekend and she paid for them as she said I needed to save my money, so she definitly not a gold digger.

Anyway, I'm on an ebay mission now. I'm going to sell off a load of stuff I have lying around and try to make some good cash from it, might even cover the cost of my holiday. I just renewed my phone contract, and the new phone has sat nav, so no need for my old car sat nav unit anymore, according to ebay it's still worth something. I made a post a while ago about the stress when I ordered a new iphone on credit card as an impulse buy, it's been over a year since then (blimey that's gone quick) and now I'm renewing my phone properly (and getting a much better phone to boot), so the patience has paid off. My monthly bill will be a little lower too!

bevan840

Well done! I've been thinking about the O2 card as something for my DH actually, only problem I have is we're with Orange lol

I'm glad things went well over the weekend, but I still think you guys need to sit down and have a chat about it, but stick with the cheaper outings to get it paid off even quicker

andymc29

Needed a pick me up, so I made a quick overpayment. £100. Makes my total debt under 7k now!!! :T

bevan840

well done, made my first big overpayment this week very happy, was nearly 4 times the min payment

mazy_m

So inspiring it was like reading a drama you should be so proud of what you've done! it does feel so good to see the balances going down that now makes me feel better than shopping!! I used to love nothing more that shopping and seeing all the bags now I feel sick when I shop so weird!!

I don't know how to subscribe to your diary but i'm gonna keep looking in as I can't wait until the day you're debt free and I really can't wait until the day you and your GF get engaged move in etc!! I love a romantic ending!! he he!!

keep up the good work!!

Maz